Showing posts from December, 2018

The Art of Being Disingenuous

As we were driving back home from our friend's 40th birthday party, Madelene asked me if I noticed all of the bickering our friend and her husband were doing in the kitchen. At one point, their argument became so heated that he had to step out for a drive. He didn't return home for about an hour. Sometimes, I can be so naive to these things. I rarely take notice when there's a lot going on in one place. It's all I can do to just listen to just one conversation. "She's not happy." Madelene said. "I don't know, I rarely get myself involved or ask anything personal." I said. "You don't need to--it's so evident," she said, as she looked toward our friend in the backseat for confirmation. "She has to be happy--I mean, look at the house he has provided for her. He just got her a new car too! Did you see that huge rock on her finger?" Why would someone stay with their spouse if there is more unhappiness than an

Intense Grief During the Holidays

The edginess creeped in as the holidays approached. I tried my best to put on a happy face and enjoy 'the living,' as suggested, but I kept seeing flickers of past Christmases when Mom and Dad were still alive. It's not only Christmas that does it, but New Year's Eve too. It was a huge event for us, even till the very end. I started to shut the door more, closing people out, curling up into a ball to try and not feel as much, but anxiety crept in, as well as the intense pain of my grief. Am I depressed? Am I lonely? Am I scared? I don't even know what I feel right now. I delved into my work, to only find myself gasping for air and noticing how empty and cold the house was. It wasn't too long until I finally realized how long it's been since I even left the house. I made all types of excuses, like "W hy should I? It's too cold. It's too crowded. I have nothing to purchase."  I don't feel like bothering with people. I'm not sure if

Has Social Media Turned Us Into Narcissists?

The truth is, nobody cares. Nobody cares about how many selfies you post up onto your social media. Nobody cares about how you went to the grocery store to find someone on a 20 items or less aisle who had 40 items in his cart. Nobody cares that you got engaged. Nobody cares about how many "likes" and "comments" you get. But they do care about how many "likes" and "comments" they get. Social media has turned people into self-absorbed narcissists. I've never seen a status message or tweet that asked, "How are all my friends doing?" And honestly? I get so tired of people calling me up without the greeting of, "Hey, how are you? Is this a good time to talk?" I get, "Ugh, guess what happened to me today," or "Did you hear about Gary's wife?" I never get, "Hey Deb, how are you?" Never. Periodically, I'll have a friend over and 99.9% of the conversation is all about their lives. If I say

Dealing With Holiday Sadness

When I pray, you answer me, you encourage me by giving me the strength I need.--Philippians  138:3 The silence was deafening. As I was looking around the living room, everything reminded me of my mom---the original mahogany dining room table, where we once ate dinner together as a family when I was younger, the lamp fixtures mom had picked out when she was around my age, and the beautiful tiled floors that they kept when they moved into this home back in the 1960's. I see mom's face in everything. When I came back into this home to care for both my parents, somehow the thought of losing them wasn't an option. I was in complete denial about death itself---at least for us---that only happened to other people. But, we are "other people." We are not immune to death. Both Madelene and I refurnished the home with our own updated version and style, so that my parents would be more comfortable. We put up a new entertainment area for them---a spot where my mom forbad

What Do You See in the Mirror?

Truthfully, who can say that they're happy all the time? It's impossible living in this world and being blissful 24/7---but I do believe we can make our situations a little better. I've heard everything from, "I wish I was thinner," "I wish I had more money," "I wish I could get a better job," "I wish my spouse would change"- --I wish I wish I wish. Start with the basics: what do you have? What are you grateful for. Just start there for a moment. Each morning while I pray and meditate, I list off at least five things that I'm grateful for, and then it turns out to be more than ten. I'm grateful for my health, my restful night's sleep, the food on my table, the roof over my head, even running water---some people have no water! I spoke to a friend who had undergone weight loss surgery. She lost a total of 150 lbs. And while this was to better her health, body, mind and soul, somehow, she was still unhappy. She thought, &q