The Art of Being Disingenuous
"I don't know, I rarely get myself involved or ask anything personal." I said.
"You don't need to--it's so evident," she said, as she looked toward our friend in the backseat for confirmation.
"She has to be happy--I mean, look at the house he has provided for her. He just got her a new car too! Did you see that huge rock on her finger?"
Why would someone stay with their spouse if there is more unhappiness than anything else? If it's all about the money and provisions, then how sad is that? I would seriously live in a tent with someone I love with all my heart, rather than live with someone who disrespects me, cheats on me or treats me poorly who happens to be rich. Money has never caught my eye. A person's heart and sincerity---a person's dignity and willingness to make a life with me catches my eye. Is it disingenuous for a woman to stay with her husband just because he provides a "good life" for her, even though it's a loveless marriage? I know quite a few wealthy people who think that money "should" be able to buy love. "Well, I'm a good provider, therefore, I'm a great catch."
A good catch is someone who has cleaned the house, cooked a healthy meal for you and the family and when you return from home, she kisses you softly and asks, "How was your day?"
A good catch is someone who holds your hand while watching a movie. It's affection--human contact--unconditional love--it's being silly together.
A good catch is someone who will hold you during the night when you feel anxious or worried so that you can fall asleep.
A good catch is someone who shares the same faith as you do, edifying your own beliefs, bringing you closer to God.
A good catch is someone who respects you and treats you as they would themselves.
A good catch is someone who would take care of you while you're sick, cover you with a warm blanket, make you homemade chicken soup, or just a simple cup of tea. It's about the effort.
A good catch will understand when there comes a time in your relationship or marriage when one gets sick and unable to be that ~fiery tiger~ at night, and decides to let you rest---someone who will wait for you. For sickness and in health.
A good catch will make you laugh so that you can forget about your problems.
A good catch is loyal, respectful, honest and willing to go the extra mile to see a smile on your face.
Anything other than that, is disingenuous.
On another note, couple of months ago, Madelene and I started to go to a new church in our area. I was excited to be apart of a new group and maybe meet other people of the same faith. I wanted to somehow get involved in the church, maybe volunteer my time or become part of the music section since I've been playing guitar for 34 years now. As we kept going back each Sunday, I noticed there was something missing. I kept stating how the church was a bit 'lackluster'---they had no umph! It definitely wasn't a spirit-filled church in my opinion.
Years ago, we attended a church that absolutely took our breath away. Each time we left the church, we came back with a new understanding of our faith, and even a new message that God had for us. After each praise of worship, there was crying and weeping of joy---the Holy Spirit filled up the entire church, affecting everyone in its path, including us! I have never felt such a spirit-filled environment before. Each time the pastors got up to speak, they weren't speaking for themselves---they weren't speaking to just hear themselves talk. These pastors were there to bring the presence of God, and to welcome the Holy Spirit as well as to teach everyone what the message of the day was. God always has a message for you when you walk into a place of worship. If you do not get a message, it's one or two reasons---maybe you're blocking it yourself and not open enough to hear it, or maybe the pastor isn't being sincere enough, only ministering to make a name for himself. You can feel it. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, that church closed down and moved farther away. This weekend, we are attending a new church and hoping for the best.
What about people? Friends, family, coworkers, strangers---anyone.
Every morning, I pray for discernment. I pray that God will let me know the motives of people. I can pick up disingenuous people pretty quickly. But sometimes, when I give too much of the benefit of the doubt, I can be easily fooled. Thing is, we're all human and we make mistakes sometimes. As it says in the Father's prayer----"...forgive us for our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us"---we should forgive one another for our humanness. But what if someone's "humanness" gets in the way of the friendship itself, by being manipulative or intentionally using someone to get whatever benefit they are seeking? It's easier to walk away from a coworker or stranger, but how easy is it to put on the brakes with a friend or relative who may be using you? It's not easy at all. In fact, calling someone out on their ill intentioned motives may put them in a self-defense 'backing a tiger in the corner' type of reaction.
For once, I'd love to prove myself wrong on this one.
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