Living Proof

Remember when you were back in grade school, and during recess the kids would pick their teammates for their dodgeball game? More and more of your peers were leaving your side because they were lucky enough to get picked. Your mind starts racing, thinking how nobody wants you on their team or that you're not good enough. The self-loathing thoughts start rushing through your mind, leaving you to feel nothing more than mediocre---you were one of those "last but not least" kids. With a lump in your throat, you did the walk of shame over to whichever team needed one more player. Even as you enjoyed the game, you still weren't giving it your all because let's face it, most of them didn't want you on their team. Isn't this kind of similar to what we think about when we try to belong to a church? When I was younger, I attended Catholic school, or (CCD) so I can get my communion and confirmation. Most Italian Catholics did this, even if they were lukewarm in...

Sometimes it can be frustrating to have unanswered prayers. Even the message behind praying for stuff is convoluted somewhat. Some Christians believe that you shouldn't pray for "stuff" and that if you do, that it's a form of idolization -- for instance, you'd rather "things" more than a relationship with God. But biblically speaking, that's just not true at all. A lot of pastors will try and say that you should ask for deeper things and to only use prayer to praise God. Well, yes---praising God and being grateful for what we have now is important. But God wants us to go to Him for everything else too. It's up to Him whether or not those 'orders' get fulfilled. If our own earthly loved ones can provide "stuff" for us, then what makes us think that God can't? In Luke 11:9-13, it clearly states: "And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on kn...

Years ago, I suffered from chronic pain. Some doctors called it "degenerative disc disease" while other physicians referred it to "fibromyalgia." They couldn't quite pinpoint what was wrong with me and why I was experiencing such excruciating pain. They admitted me to the hospital for a week to do some testing for autoimmune diseases and other possible diagnoses, to only come up with "myalgia." I guess it's another word for, "We don't know, but we're gonna slap a label on it." During that time, I also developed an ulcer due to all of the NSAIDS (ibuprofen) I was taking to relieve some of the pain. They also gave me Percocet, but it didn't work quite as well as the anti-inflammatories. I had no choice because my stomach would suffer. When I realized I was developing a dependency on the pills, I weaned off and tried smoking weed, which did nothing except make me high and hungry. I never understood why people used it for pain. ...

The other day, I was feeling a bit down. I was having a "Debbie Pity Fest," and grabbed my bag of potato chips into the living room and started watching a depressing movie called, A Sea of Trees on Netflix. It's basically about this large woodsy area in Japan where people go so they can commit suicide. I should've picked a comedy, but this was a little too intriguing for me. Right in the middle of my movie, a good friend of mine calls me up and said, "No. This isn't good for you. Let's get in trouble somewhere. I'm picking you up." I had my hair up in one of my goofy buns that make me look like Micky Mouse, wearing my comfy sweatpants with my big fleece blanket covering me. My dog was comfortably nestled in between my legs. There was no way I was going out. It was right after the horrible winter storm we had---everything was slushy and muddy and also rainy.  I'm staying put. But my friend was funny, she was so insistent, so I took a shower...

Anticipatory Grief If you think back to a time when you were going through the roughest stage in your life, can you remember what pulled you through it? Do you remember how long you suffered for? If you were to have asked me a little over four months ago if I would be "OK" if my mom was going to pass away the next day, I wouldn't even entertain the thought. Even while my mother was in excruciating pain, I had hope that she would have gotten better. There was something telling me that this was the final stage. See, Mom kept a secret from me. This whole time I had thought she had stage two cancer. She was on stage four with no other options from her oncologist. She kept this secret to save me from killing myself. The month before she died, I got to take her to the shore, spend time with her, gave her a Mother's Day BBQ outside by the ocean with our family, and it was just magical. What happened next just spun my whole world around. I was having anticipatory grief. Mo...