Living Proof

Ever notice when you talk to someone in a relationship or even someone who has gone through a recent breakup, the person usually will tell you that they are the "better half"? In a sense that says, "Well, I do everything right, while they always screw everything up," and those who've gone through a breakup will usually call their exes, "the evil ex". Nobody's ever "wrong" - because let's face it, they are the most angelic, generous, thoughtful partner anyone could ever have. We never want to be seen as the "mean partner" or the "evil ex" - it's either egotistical or just human nature, or are they both correlated? I don't know. Don't get me wrong, there are conscious and honest people out there who will say, "Oh man, I'm a huge pain in the ass," without thinking twice about it, but the majority will tell you, "I am innocent. Period." Truth is? Nobody's "innocent...

"Why are they wearing HAZMAT suits?!?!" Lately, it has been quite the plethora of ailments that either led me into the doctor's office or the emergency room. Sometimes, I have a quiet spell of good luck. Well, that was hardly the case this month. I now just make jokes of it all, but it does get crazy from time to time. My list of ailments this month include: nightly myoclonic jolts, a gigantic boil behind my ear that infected my entire system giving me a high fever of 102, hot grease that was splattered into my left eye and last but not least, heartburn so bad, that it tore up my entire esophagus making it impossible to swallow. I started to vomit half dollar size globs of blood. The pain was so excruciating that there wasn't any way I could possibly sleep. The fact that I couldn't even sip water without it coming back up was a cause for alarm. The round-the-clock NSAIDs I use for my menstraul cramps (Advil) was the main culprit on top of stress. ( Read this a...

Every morning I would trek down to the deli to have them make my lunch. Our company never offered a real cafeteria, where they cooked for their employees. It was just a big break room with a bunch of vending machines filled with processed foods and day old ham sandwiches. I went up to the counter along with my two liter bottles of water and paid before my lunch was even made. I knew the cashier well. She was a neighbor, probably in her mid-fifties, who had about ten foster kids under her wing and probably fifteen of them who had already moved out. It was a constant flow of children. I remember her telling me she wasn’t able to have kids, so she took this route. Although it may give you that warm & fuzzy feeling - this woman ran a military base like a drill sergeant. My best friend was among the ten children in that household. Whenever I’d sleep over on a Saturday night, she’d wake us up with some kind of loud horn and have us up and at ‘em just in time to go to mass. She had us l...

Last night I truly thought I was going to have a hard time going to sleep due to the myoclonic jerks I've been experiencing. Oddly enough, I felt calm, but I had one wicked migraine. On top of that, I had the worst heartburn imaginable, so I couldn't take my Advil due to my tummy issues. I left the bedroom around 11pm. I didn't want to disturb Madelene. I went into the living room, turned off all the lights and kept the outside lights on. I watched the snow come down as it covered all the neighboring trees. It was amazingly bright and so beautiful. I had a cold compress on my head, trying to relieve my migraine naturally. I started to get anxiety, thinking, "What if I don't sleep tonight?" Then, memories from when I was 8 years old came flying through my mind so vividly. I remember it was a beautiful snowy morning, but I couldn't get to the bus stop because the private road on the mountain that we lived on was too icy. Dad decided to drive me into scho...

Someone once asked me, "Why do you say you are nothing without God? You're basing your existence without proof of a god existing." The same person also asked me, "Why do you trust in God when you have all these problems in front of you?" For me, I had many instances in my life that proved God was very real. That's of course, my belief and faith that He's real. Life is all about facing problems. There are tests to improve our character and trials that we must go through because it's just the cycle of life. In the 2nd Corinthians, it states, "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." We would never learn without all ...

Jesus agrees. Any time I speak about forgiveness, I seem to hit a chord with many people. We either need forgiveness, or we really need to forgive others in our lives. Do people hurt us intentionally? Maybe they do because they were hurt first, or they were jealous over something you weren't aware of. But do you think all people offend others maliciously? I always find a madness under the offense, especially when it's of my own offense toward somebody else. My friend Mark said something so beautifully in the comment section the other day in my previous post. He said, "When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment and cut the cycle of retribution that would otherwise keep us ensnarled in an ugly samsaric wrestling match. This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done." --Te...

Just get rid of it! Sometimes I wonder how my dad did it. He would hold a grudge for a very long time for a very old offense. I never quite understood it, as I sat there watching his jaw clench , then release, clench , and then release. Any time he would do this, we knew he was deep in thought about something he didn't want to talk about. 'Just get rid of it' or "them" would solve the problem. (Little joke there.) When his thoughts would slow down, he would chime into our 'already in session' conversation and blurt out something strange. "Wha? Ginger Rogers? Why you tawkin' bout' her?"  "WHAT?" We'd all scream out laughing over his selective hearing.  There are things that must be 'worked out' and there are some things that need to be let go of completely. For instance, unresolved issues that are still on the brain and heart should be worked out, talked about and even shared with a trusted friend ...

Where am I? Sometimes I feel disoriented in life (not literally), but more so a feeling of either anticipation of what's to happen next, whether good or bad. But I don't want to say "bad" because the universe might hear me. They say... "they say", that whatever you put into the universe comes back to you in return. I also dislike the word "karma" because it's just wishful thinking for negative people who want to see bad things happen to those who have hurt them. I get it, you were hurt, but never wish bad on anyone, regardless of what they have done to you. Just by muttering out the word "karma" says, " I'll get him or her back." Disagree if you want, but think about it the next time you use the word. "Whatever comes around," and maybe so, but does it really? Where was I?  So I was thinking a lot this past week. I also read the last few posts I wrote on here. It's amazing when the fog clears and yo...