Living Proof

Early Tuesday morning, I woke up with this intense pain in the back of my head. I got out of bed, and went into the bathroom to check it. I felt around it, and it was a lump, the size of a golf ball. I never felt anything like this before in the back of my head. It hurt. “Madelene! Feel this. What is that?” “Hmm, did you clunk yourself somehow?” “No.” “Did you hit your head on the night stand by accident while you were sleeping?” “Err, no…I don’t believe so.” I said, as I kept feeling around this lump. “Well it’s good that it’s tender to the touch, and not hard as a rock with no feeling whatsoever.” Madelene says. The day went on, I tried to work, but my eyes started seeing double as the letters scrambled all over my computer like little ballerinas. The pain kept getting more and more intense. I took my temperature, and it was 100 degrees. Hmm. Was it a lymph node on the back of my head? On my skull? Believe me, I was reading every diagnosis on the internet. Bad move! Don’t do it i...

Hey Deb, I was just about to turn off my computer & call it a night when something popped into my head. I was thinking about what you've been going through lately. It reminded me of something my old roommate went through. For a while, she was getting strong heart palpitations in the middle of the night. It got so bad that she had to wear a heart monitor. I told her to wake me up anytime it got to be too much. I was happy that she took me up on my offer. She's a very private person. We'd watch tv or play this electronic word game I had. (she was much better at it than me even with the palpitations). I'd like to extend the same offer to you. Unfortunately, its a bit of a trek for you to knock on my door like she used to. But I keep my phone by my bed. Please call me anytime you think I'd be the right person to talk to. I know Madelene is there for you. But there may come a time when a goofball like me is the right person at that particular moment. And if I'm ...

You’re the only one who knows me inside and out. You understand all my manias, my idiosyncrasies, and you stand by me regardless. I remember the evening you called me when we were dating. “Deb, want some company? I’ll bring some movies over.” “But it’s raining so hard, it’s left over from a hurricane and they told people to stay off the roads due to the horrible conditions." I said to you. You didn’t care. You drove over an hour to see me. I opened the door to let you in, and you looked like the cutest wet & mangiest rat I have ever seen. I let you in. I hugged you regardless of how soggy you were. It was that day, I knew you loved me. It was that day, I fell in love with you, and knew I didn’t want you to ever leave. Sunset sailing on April skies Bloodshot fire clouds in her eyes I can’t say what I might believe But if God made you he’s in love with me December 10th, 1996, I proposed to you at Bocci’s Italian restaurant. Before I popped the question, you kept b*tching and mo...

Having an eye exam can be an intrusive experience. Why would I say that? See, it’s like this… Even though I had eye surgery to correct my vision two years back, I still have to go for regular check ups, just in case my cornea decides to give up, and fizzle out. Sitting in that weird electric-chair looking contraption, with all those weird spacey looking equipment devices, you wait for the doctor to come in. You nosey around a tad, you look at all the weird little lenses he has, they’re all piled up so neatly. They even have this headpiece that almost looks as though you are on death row. You notice the huge metal mask-like goggles that can swivel over to where you sit. There are so many buttons and levers on this puppy; enough to make your head spin. The whole office looks as though it’s there to create a robot of some sort. Now, I’ve been going to this same doctor since I was two years old. He has drawings that I did when I was four. He said to me, “If you ever get engaged Debbie, I a...

Okay. God has played a cruel joke on me. As I was preparing to get ready to go out with Madelene this evening, I was getting rid of old receipts and tissues from my purse. I noticed that a clump of tissues had brown stains on it. Hmm. I started unloading more of my garbage from this deep bottomless pit. I grabbed what looked like an old, disgusting, already been smoked cigar out of my bag. I smelled it. It smelled sweet, almost like brandy. Did I ever purchase a brandy dipped cigars? Hmm. I dig deeper. I then grab what appears to be a small black leather case. It almost resembled an eyeglass case, but smaller. It was slimy, and sticky. Why? I then realized it was a rotted banana. NO LIE! I swear! This was weird, because if you read my previous blog, you will know why this is freaking me out. The post I wrote about going to the doctor's office for my blood tests, I failed to tell you that I had put a banana in my purse, in case I felt faint and needed something to eat, due...

“I brought you a bag of apples from the farm market where I live Deb.” “Really? Thanks! I’ll eat one tomorrow morning.” I said, sitting on my bedroom floor, blowing heavenly scented smoke from my lips. “Well, okay. They’re in my car. I’ll come back tomorrow morning and bring them back.” Madelene says, as her eyes are getting red and glassy. “Just leave them here tonight, so I can have the apples tomorrow. You don’t have to drive over an hour away, just to bring them back.” I suggested, coughing over the good pot my friend had given me. At the age of twenty, I thought my days of pot were over. This was the first time since I was sixteen that I tried it again. “No, I’ll come back tomorrow to drop them off.” “Madelene! They’re in your car, right? We can just get them out tonight. Leave them here, instead of you coming back in the morning to drop them off. It’s senseless.” “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” Madelene replies. “You’re a fool.” I said, as I started laughing so hard, I couldn’t...

A drastic change has taken place for a New York City woman. Instead of attending events held in the ‘Big Apple’, she will now be apart of Orange County’s finest, “Orange Pride Group”. I’m pleased to announce that Tara has been a member of the “Big Apple Club” for a decade or so, and now deciding to venture up to good ol’ Orange County; where she should be. Tara’s mission is to accomplish peace, an accepting environment, and an atmosphere to educate straight people about our homosexual lifestyle. She wants to inform our native Orange County members of the increasing population of ‘ ex ’s that emerge in our community. This has become an epidemic and needs to be addressed. Tara also did vast research on the number of cats per household of each lesbian in Orange County. It’s alarming. We need to set limits to one cat per household, or less. Tara is an open-minded woman who has the ability to make it happen, here in Orange County. It’s about time we see some real effort in supporting our ga...

“I don’t know Deb, my girlfriend doesn’t kiss me anymore for some reason. The sex is okay, but she refuses to give me a long, passionate kiss.” I just listened and started taking bigger bites of my delicious sushi, so that I couldn’t speak clearly. It kind of reminded me of that Twix commercial, where the woman comes out into the living room and asks her husband, “Honey, does this make my butt look big?” And the only thing he could do was cram his mouth with a huge Twix bar, so that he couldn’t answer her. I looked up at Stacy, acknowledging her complaint. I stared at her slightly crooked, yellow hued teeth, wondering if I would kiss that mouth myself. “Listen, the only thing to do here is to talk to her. Let her know that this bothers you. Take her face, and kiss her. Maybe she is insecure— I don’t know.” “Deb, she just gives me short kisses, what is that? It’s not like a real kiss.” I couldn’t help but stare at her mouth again. There was a major hygiene fiasco brewing in there. I di...

I couldn’t resist. She has done it again. Alyssa, Alyssa, Alyssa . My dear friend is stirring up the pot that had already slowed down from the likes of my wooden spoon. The Orange Pride Group has yet another battle to cease. In case you haven’t read my post, “We’re Not Just Lesbians”, this issue is about my big mouth and sarcasm that went wrong. A lot of these ‘lesbian’ groups like to hold events that will make everyone happy. They have potluck dinners, poker parties, luaus, bowling night and firehouse parties. I wrote an e-mail in jest, ranting off some ideas of what events I think they should accommodate. Bad move. I made some comments (joking around) and some of the ladies took offense. I did apologize, however, I can’t resist poking fun at our community. I’m a bastard. I know. Anyway, to make a short story long, I get this e-mail from one of the members who I was battling with---which we became cordial afterwards. She writes this to me: “OK...I thought you and I came to a good p...

Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to yooooouuuu... Happy birthday dear Dawn... Happy birthday to you!!!! It’s my sister’s birthday. No, I can’t reveal her age, even though she is in her early twenties, (hehe) … Dawn’s my oldest sister. She basically brought me up while I was a baby. She would crawl into the crib with me to stop me from crying, she would feed and change me- she was like a mother to me. Now she is one of my best friends, just like my other two older sisters are. All of them are unique, different, and special in their own ways. All of them are my best friends. Dawn is married and has a child who is similar to me. She is reliving the whole ‘mother’ thing all over again. Sometimes, Dawn will call out, “Debbie!”--- when she actually means to call for her daughter, Sophia. If Sophia is going to be anything like me, Dawn’s got a lot of work ahead of her when the teen years abrupt. I appreciate everything Dawn has done for me. She has given me encouraging words when I ...

“There’s something wrong with that tree.” “Which one? That tall one over there?” I ask, looking up at this skyscraping tree. “Yeah. There’s just something wrong with it.” Sam looks up, in deep thought of what mysterious event may have taken place there. I get my ~ psychic-voo-doo-pretend to be a ghostly medium~ hat on, and walk over to the deck, to where the tree was. “Oh dear. This is bad, Sam. Wow. Hmm, the feeling I get with this tree, is that someone was buried here. Hold on… I’m feeling something else….Yes. Someone was buried here under negative circumstances back in the late 1800’s.” I tell him, in this meditative hocus-pocus voice. “Really? You feel that?” He asked, still staring up at this eerie looking tree. “Yes. Hmm…The branches are full of life from another soul from the past, that’s why you get those vibes.” Come on Sammy boy! Have another drink! (I thought to myself) How can I tell him I had absolutely no psychic or medium powers whatsoever? This was too good. Sam li...

“You look so beautiful!” Madelene says, as I step out of the bathroom all ready to go out to dinner. “Are you crazy? I look like sh*t, my hair is awful, and I had nothing else to wear because I haven’t had time to go shopping for nice clothes!” I replied, ranting like a lunatic. “Well you never listen to me. You don’t believe anything I say. Nothing I say matters, does it?” Madelene asked. I didn’t say anything in return; I went back in the bathroom to fix my hair a third time around. In my head, my partner was just trying to make me feel better about myself. She had to have noticed the extra ten pounds I put on, she couldn’t have missed the huge zit near my chin—which the cover-up couldn’t even hide, and she had to have seen the three grays that stuck out like a sore thumb. I looked hideous (in my eyes). Why would she even want to take me out the house looking like a sack of potatoes with an acne problem? My self-esteem had a lot to be desired. It still does. Why do we put oursel...

Beyond numerous occasions, my partner and I have been asked if we were sisters. In my opinion, we don’t look anything alike, but in a way, I can see how they may come to that conclusion. We both have dark hair, dark eyes, wear similar clothes (wear each other’s clothes sometimes) and pretty much think alike most of the time. Being with the same woman for eleven years now, I guess I took on some of her traits, and she has taken on some of mine. (Sadly to say) Madelene is one of a kind. She is absolutely heaven-sent in my eyes. She really helps me with a lot of things that I am clueless about. Even with my finances, I come to her, because she is the ‘brains’ of this relationship, where I am more into the practical, artistic way of looking at things. She is more ‘book smart’, and I am more ‘street smart’… We compliment one another very much. Her attitude is more reserved and conscientious, whereas I have an attitude of speaking my mind too freely sometimes, without reservations. We’re b...

A deadly batch of heroin is to blame for the six deaths of people within five days in downtown Manhattan. This heroin that just came in is supposedly too pure, or has an additive substance to potentially kill. Have we gone nuts people? My friend Lisa calls me up today. “Deb, be careful, because there is a bad batch of heroin that is being distributed throughout Manhatten!” She says, as she laughs at how absurd that sounds, since I never do drugs. It is devastating that those people were killed by this substance; however, heroin does not come with a Surgeon General’s warning. When you get caught up in this stuff, you are fully aware that this drug may kill you. Do people actually assume that taking heroin is safe? Isn’t it known that it’s a deadly drug? I’m confused. Please enlighten me here. Ironically enough, I’m watching the news, and the anchorwoman comes on and says, “Ibuprofen and other pain relievers other than aspirin can cause heart attacks. Up next, when we come back.” So I w...

“What?” You ask, as you gasp at my title. I had this thought today. I wonder, if a straight woman is curious about being with another woman, then she is called, “bi-curious”, right? What if a lesbian is curious about being with a man? Is she called “bi-curious” too? There are so many labels that people tag on to individuals with different tastes, different views and preferences in the gender of their partner(s). I dislike labeling anyone, including myself. Yes, I have been with my partner for eleven years, however, my thoughts are, I fall in love with ‘the person inside’ ---not gender per se. I do tend to fall for women more so, but who’s to say if I were single, and some man were to steal my heart away? You just never know. Some straight women don’t even realize that they are gay, until they are well into their forties or fifties, and leave their husband for another woman, who they fell in love with unexpectedly. How do you explain that? “I never knew I was gay, until I met h...

Did you ever have a day, where you’re listening to someone speak, or hear someone else talk, and you say to yourself, “Wow, I really needed to hear that message today? ” Well today was one of those days; a self discovery in which I found in the words of one woman, who has made her life and her art—her passion. Rachel, a woman I help out at a gallery nearby, is a huge inspiration to me. Not only has she overcome certain goals in her life that I can only dream of, but she showed me that if you have the mindset to do something, anything is possible. Rachel works practically 24/7 in her gallery, from paintings, to sculptures, from jewelry, to organizing art shows. It is never a dull moment in her world. There is not a day she takes off. I asked her today, “Rachel, aren’t you tired? You work till 2am sometimes, and then you wake up early to get up, and do it all over again.” “Debbie!” She says, with her eyes lightened up. “This is not work! This is my passion! My love; this is me! Everywh...

This morning I get my mail, and I received my blood results from a physical I got from the doctor. (Refer to “What’s Up Doc” post) Turns out, everything is fine. Clean bill of health, with the exception that my cholesterol level is “mildly elevated”… 222. “222?????" I said out loud. That's not mildly elevated to me! Now, if you know me personally, you know my diet is #1. meager, #2. full of vegetables, fish, chicken, and tons of salads. Where am I going wrong here folks? Of course, on the weekend I will have that occasional steak or burger, but once a week. At the age of thirty-one, my cholesterol is rising and so is my weight. This scares me. I was actually hoping it was a thyroid problem. Quick fix, right? Take pills, lose weight and tone down the LDL (bad cholesterol). I went online, and this is what it said: Tips for a heart-healthy diet *Eat less fat (especially butter, coconut and palm oil, saturated or hydrogenated vegetable fats such as Crisco, animal fats in meats a...

Shut your overhead light, lock your cabinets, and don’t forget to have your “I’m on vacation” automated email response ready when you run like a bat out of hell from your job. It’s vacation time. You have anticipated this vacation all year, this is your time to relax, and do whatever it is you want. You and your partner have picked a beautiful place to stay, you dream of the sites, the dining ventures and of course the daily activities. If this is your first trip with your partner, this can either make, or break the relationship. Vacations are tricky. A lot of things can go wrong. I remember when I first started dating Madelene, we planned our very first trip to Provincetown, MA. I booked us a room at this really nice bed and breakfast. Online, this place looked magnificent! We were all excited and ready to go. As we pulled up to the B&B, there was hardly any parking---due to the lack of driveway they had. We practically parked the car on the owner’s flowerbed! We walked in at fi...

I think it’s safe to say that we have all experienced emotional individuals that tend to lean more on the issue-problematic side that tend to scare us off a little. Everyone has their own issues and skeletons in their closets, and meds in their drawers, but what I am referring to are the woman who get caught up in the ‘emotional rollercoaster’ of a relationship or friendship. It’s a true fact that women hold much more emotional issues than men do—due to their high levels of estrogen. Some women even carry more of this hormone making them extremely sensitive to matters of the heart. I guess that is why some people think men don’t have feelings---this is not true, it’s the way they handle their issues. Men work and think very differently thank women do because of their hormonal differences- just grab a cold beer and tune her out! (Sounds much better the way men can handle certain situations, huh?) There are women out there that have more testosterone levels in their system making them l...