Living Proof

Recently, a friend had written a post entitled, " A Twelve Step " which spoke about addictive friendships/relationships and I wanted to expand on it through my own experiences. Let's use some fun clichés first: "No two people are alike", "each person is like a snowflake, unique in their own way" - true true true, blah blah blah. But there is a common denominator among unhealthy relationships, and that being the addictive part. Like in an intimate relationship, the break up to make up scenario is one I think we all have been through. We hate em', we love em', then we hate em' again. It definitely takes two to mingle and two to really brawl. I am grateful that my wife is the polar opposite of me. She defuses when I'm up in arms. After seeing her calmness, that alone calms me. I'm learning through her how to be calm. It's really not in my nature, but I try. When you have two people who are friends or in a relationship, who ha...

Those two words, “moved on” can bring a feeling of relief, or perhaps a tinge of fear & sadness, depending on who you are. To some, it’s a positive step toward emotional healing, and to others, it can be a dreadful step to something they’re just not ready for. Some stay in the stages of mourning way too long, never “moving on”, never taking that initial step toward healing. It’s healthy to take it one day at a time, but when does it come to the point of insanity, taking the place of a stagnated phase? Although I do believe that everybody and every relationship are very unique, I also believe that it’s a lot like giving up smoking or drinking: you have to want to give it up in order to successfully move on. If the desire isn’t there, the person will still entertain the lingering pangs of “addiction” in every meaning of the word. There is no doubt in my mind that when somebody isn’t fully over a past relationship, that yes, it can have everything to do with addictive personalities....

It’s been quite challenging for me lately, as far as debating whether or not to continue a journey of friendship with someone I cared for very much. We’re all complex and have our own opinions, beliefs and whatnot. It’s normal. But when an argument or a disagreement takes place, when is it time to draw the line in order to decide whether or not staying in the friendship is a healthy choice? It’s one thing for two people to disagree about whatever, but it’s another to insult or attack another on a personal level. For instance: you and a friend argue about a misunderstanding or perhaps, a break in a promise that was set - those things can be resolved. But when your friend personally attacks you - whether it’s about your physical appearance, insults about your family or maybe an attack on your integrity: when does it come to the point of realizing your friend obviously has hidden resentments, anger or even jealousy toward you? 

I ended a friendship a couple of weeks ago. This person re...