Posts

Showing posts from 2021

Emotional Self-Preservation

Image
"I'm Sorry." After the last couple of years, and whatever it is that you may be personally going through, it's especially important to use the word "no" more often. I love the expression, "you do you"----because it's true. You need to make yourself feel at peace, and comfortable with each choice you make. This goes for absolutely anything. If you don't want to attend a holiday party, then don't go. Graciously decline. If you're asked to do something that is out of your comfort zone, there is nothing wrong with the word, "no," followed by a thank you of course. Don't apologize either. I have a bad habit of saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't." I also say to a person who is waiting on us in a restaurant, "I'm sorry, but can I bother you for another cup of coffee?" That entire sentence speaks volumes about yourself (or myself in this case.) I was always made to feel bad about asking for help,

Witchcraft Disguised as Christianity

Image
There was a time when I thought, "Why are all these bad things happening to me all at once?" They heavy depression, the fierce anxiety that struck out of nowhere and wouldn't let up. I even had intense anger over things that were so minuscule---I couldn't figure it out. It was only a few months after I had lost my mom. I even remember it was the end of September. I was so desperate to connect with my mom. I wanted to know if she was okay. I knew in my heart that seeing a medium was a sin. Ok ok, well God will forgive me just this once... I used to live stream and do cooking shows, and also talk about mental health. We had a nice group in there. People could call in and talk about what they were going through and I would try to relate by sharing my experiences. Well, one night while on the live stream, someone said, "Why is someone calling Lola in the background?" (That's my dog.) I chuckled and said nervously, I have no clue. Then minutes later, another

Missing a Loved One During the Holidays

Image
As much as I would love to be an optimistic person, grief never fully leaves. It may take a break here and there, but eventually, it'll show up at your door unannounced to remind you of the empty chair that'll be there during Thanksgiving. It'll remind you of that gnawing void inside you when Christmas Eve and New Year's comes rolling around. Don't even get me started on anniversaries and birthdays. New losses require a whole lotta' TLC. I remember my first everything without my mom and dad. Does it get better? I don't know. I just know it gets a bit different. Same pain, different game. I'm able to let my mom's legacy live on by making her famous recipes, or maybe just going to the same familiar places we used to go to.  Especially with the longer nights and shorter days upon us, we can start to feel much more heavy hearted. We turn to food, alcohol, and maybe even drugs. Many of us try to self-soothe ourselves with various vices. I have no advice f

Cross to Bear

Image
Our lives, as different as it may seem, are somehow intertwined with similar events. Some lifestyles are dramatically different, but we still go through situations where we're dealing with illnesses (of various kinds), deaths, a loss of a relationship, divorce or a loss of an animal. We can relate to at least one thing, even if we're so incredibly different. I think that's where empathy comes in. Some people have a lot, while others may seem to be lacking. So here are my thoughts on that.  This is an old story about a man who wanted to change out his life's problems for somebody else's life problems. Although it's a lengthy story, it's so worth the read:  The story is told of a man who goes to Jesus wanting to trade out his cross for a better one. He tells the Lord, "I see the crosses that others are carrying and theirs are much more bearable than mine. Why does my cross have to be so cumbersome and heavy? Other people carry their cross with ease and mi

Is There a Cure To Anxiety?

Image
Panic attacks and anxiety disorder can be debilitating to live with. I bet you can remember your first real panic attack---how you felt, the pins and needles, the breathlessness, and the pounding heart. It's scary and we automatically assume that something must be wrong with us. I've been reading the book, "Dare," by Barry McDonagh . It's a book based off the teachings of Dr. Hazel Claire Weekes . Weekes found that many of her patients suffered from anxiety disorders, such as agoraphobia, panic attacks, phobias, generalized anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. In her books, she chose to avoid the term "nervous breakdown", as much as possible, as she considered the term unscientific and unnecessarily alarming. She also avoided the term "Anxiety State", as she felt it was too "medical". She decided to replace the terms with "Nervous Illness" instead.  She was concerned by the severe long-term effect the disorde

If They Gossip About Others, They'll Gossip About You Too

Image
Generally, I love people. I love the uniqueness of what each individual can bring to the table, whether they teach you something, give you companionship, share a cup of coffee with you or just say nothing at all while you vent. Some friends can be great sounding boards. But it should be even more than that---a bond, a 'knowing' that, "Hey, I got your back--" and a trusting of some kind. For me that's important. That's what I look for in a friend. Humor is a plus. But sometimes, humor isn't needed 24/7. Too much humor can belittle someone else's feelings sometimes...depends on what it is of course.  Religious Talk Through experience, I've learned a few things. This may sound blunt, but this is how I think and sometimes, I'm wrong. As a Christian, I don't bring up God to my friends or try to get them to hop on the bandwagon to get baptized and start dancing in some born again church somewhere. If they ask me about my relationship with God, I

The Waves of Grief

Image
It's been four long years since I've seen my beautiful mama's face, and yet it feels just like yesterday when I hugged her before she went into the ambulance for the last time. People handle grief so differently, and not way is the right way---your way is what counts. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' too grieving. When my dad died nine years ago, it was such a strange feeling. The long drawn-out, excruciating suffering that went on made is passing more of a sad relief. We were all quiet. Grief struck differently, in waves, and for myself, it came a bit after his funeral. I had already experienced the 'anticipatory grief,' as he was suffering at the end. I remember his funeral all too well. I was greeting people as they came in, while my mom sat in the front with her sister and friend. The memorial video was set up to make people laugh and cry. Some video footages of my dad captured his very essence: funny and 'colorful' with his words.  Laughte

Changing the Atmosphere

Image
Did you ever feel as though your prayers weren't strong enough, or that it really didn't do anything noticeable? Why do some prayers get answered and others not?  I love what Pastor Rick Warren once said,  "When you’re going through fire, do you ever wonder why you have to go through it? It’s for testing and purification. As you pray about something over and over again, you face tests that reveal more about you. God says in Zechariah 13:9, 'I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold.'  You test gold by putting it in a big vat and heating it until it gets so hot that all the impurities are burned off. How do metalsmiths know when gold and silver are pure? When they can see their reflection in them. God can see his reflection in you when all the impurities have burned out of your life—after you’ve been through the fire. He says that, after he’s done the testing and purification, 'They will call on my name, and I will answer them' (Zechariah 13

What Is Your Plan B?

Image
What you did for yourself and your family and friends, as well as those who may be around you at work or in the grocery store was a morally decent thing to do. You're super brave, and your hearts are all in the right place. There's no question about it---you did what you did with good intentions. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. We're supposed to listen to our doctors, our hospitals and the CDC. We're supposed to believe that the government is helping us. We are supposed to believe many things, until the truth unfolds. But remember, it's not your fault. With that being said, this is also not the fault of the unvaccinated.  We were lied to.  From the very beginning, all the people around me were "seemingly" vaccinated. No one said a word if they weren't. I didn't care---I always told people I was unvaccinated, so they could make a decision whether or not to be around me. I wanted to give them that choice. I even did that with a coworker who came

When Nothing Makes Sense, Go With Your Gut

Image
There’s a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. We’ve all made decisions that at the time seemed right but later turned out to be wrong. Some paths lead to dead ends & you end up off track. That’s why you need to admit, “God, I need help.” --Proverbs 14:12 ~  The weapon most used by the evil one is fear. What has driven society to go out and grab the "cure" to the disease? Fear. What has motivated the government, business owners and schools to discriminate against those who don't want the "cure?" Fear.  So let me get this straight. If the cure works, then why are people afraid of the disease? The ones without the "cure" should be more fearful... but they're not because their eyes are open. When people have the Spirit living within them, they have discernment and understanding --- not as the world does. They have more of an intuitive gut wrenching feeling to avoid what is absolutely necessary. What one person may think