Thursday, November 18, 2021

Missing a Loved One During the Holidays


As much as I would love to be an optimistic person, grief never fully leaves. It may take a break here and there, but eventually, it'll show up at your door unannounced to remind you of the empty chair that'll be there during Thanksgiving. It'll remind you of that gnawing void inside you when Christmas Eve and New Year's comes rolling around. Don't even get me started on anniversaries and birthdays. New losses require a whole lotta' TLC. I remember my first everything without my mom and dad. Does it get better? I don't know. I just know it gets a bit different. Same pain, different game. I'm able to let my mom's legacy live on by making her famous recipes, or maybe just going to the same familiar places we used to go to. 

Especially with the longer nights and shorter days upon us, we can start to feel much more heavy hearted. We turn to food, alcohol, and maybe even drugs. Many of us try to self-soothe ourselves with various vices. I have no advice for anyone, other than to say, whatever works for you---do it. If it makes you feel comforted and calmer---do it. If it makes you feel a sense of joy---do it. But in the process, don't neglect your own personal health and wellness. 

You might feel irritated by someone else's advice. Someone might try to comfort you by saying, "Well, my sister won't be here for Thanksgiving, so I'm going to still put a plate out for her," while your mother has been deceased for a few years. It's not the same. Your sister is still alive---she's just not attending your holiday. Know the difference of circumstances when trying to comfort someone. Some people try too hard, and it comes off as if they're downplaying your shattered heart, when they actually had good intentions behind it. 

I'd like to attend my family's Thanksgiving, but I honestly feel I don't know them any longer. I love each and every one of them, but through a lack of contact, and without blame, we've become more like strangers. It's sad, because all of us are less than fifteen minutes away from one another. So attending a family function seems awkward at this point. When my mom died, it felt like my family kind of fell apart, even though we all still love one another and share childhood memories together. Mom was definitely the glue that held us all together. So, it's different. I feel like I'm also grieving for a family I once had. And that's okay. I just have to go through the process and send them lots of love in the meantime. 

If you're missing someone right now and feeling like your heart is breaking into tiny little pieces, you're not alone. There's nothing wrong with reinventing our lives, to where we can one day stand on our own two feet and be okay. Accept 'what is' and keep sending love and positive thoughts to whoever it is you miss. Raise your vibration with prayer and meditation. Focus on the people who are present with you today. Appreciate everyone who is in your life, and know that anything is possible. Keep a light on for those who have been MIA. One day, they may knock on your door because they miss you too. For those who were taken away from us too soon, send them love because without a doubt, they can feel that. 

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

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