Living Proof

Sometimes it's hard to just write one word no less an entire article, so instead I'll just do a live stream and have that be my "blog post." Fortunately, I love to cook so I won't bore the heck outta people, well we can only hope. My schedule as I've yapped about before has been quite the rollercoaster. I'm awake until 6am. It used to 3am (no big deal) or even 4 or 5am. I decided to do most of my work at night now. I don't mind working at night, but I truly wish I was more of a day person like I used to be. Now, my body tires out when the birds are chirping outside. If I am not running around like a chicken with its head cut off, then my mind will do it instead. I constantly need to be busy, either cleaning like a lunatic or cooking for an army.. .of three, at most. Leftovers, right? My insomnia stems from anxiety. Someone asked me the other day if I was depressed. I'm not. I am incredibly grateful for every single thing, every single person a...

Lately, I've been reading a lot of books regarding spirituality, near-death experiences and overall ways to cope with the mind's inability to shut the hell up. One of the books that I particularly enjoyed was called, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I know, I know, I'm like a decade late on this best seller, but I feared it may have other belief systems that went against mine. I'm more open to other belief systems today, but surprisingly, they referenced a lot about Jesus in this book. The main gist is to separate yourself from your physical mind and become your "Being" -- your "soul" and observe what the mind does to you or what it conjures up. And once you witness and notice the thoughts, all thoughts seem to dissolve, as if you caught your own mind undressing. That's the best way I can describe it, because this book can be very 'wordy', the the point of dropping it and picking up The Cat in the Hat instead. I guess it's very ...

Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself. ~Ralph Waldo Emmerson Sincerity. It's a rarity these days. As I always thought, asking a simple, "how are you" doesn't require an answer any longer, in fact, it usually doesn't want one. A "how are you" is a another form of, "hello" - and if you do decide to expand on how you are doing , eyes will start rolling. Although I know there is an unwritten rule of the good ol' "how are you" - I will always ask you and expect a truthful answer. When I ask how you are - I wanna know the good and bad and I will always try to be of some help to you or just lend you an ear if you need to vent. I have found a few friends who are very sincere (not more than a handful mind you.) A little over a week ago I was going through some turbulent times. A good friend of mine recognized I wasn't quite myself and so, I decided to text her some bizarre message of the craziness that I was going through. She ...

The other day I was preparing a chicken dinner for Madelene while we were getting severe storm alerts on our TV. I love a good storm, but my Chihuahua? Not so much. She doesn't mind a rumble here and there, but when it's loud - almost "firework loud" --- she's a shivering mess sitting in her own urine. But I had hope. I put the Thundershirt on her and went on baking my garlic chicken. As I sat outside with a glass of wine to relax, the smells of my dinner wafted throughout the house and encompassed the entire outside area as well. It was heaven. I even thought, "Wow, what a peaceful moment." I don't have much of those with my crazy anxiety, so I was basking in this. Then I heard a rumble from beyond, a storm brewing. I got excited because I love storms. I used to be so deathly afraid of storms only because I had seen a twister fly down my property, tossing small trees into the air while my Dad was outside laughing his ass off yelling, "Come ou...

Life's biggest question: "What happens after it?" Nobody knows. You either believe this or that, or nothing at all. Some people think we just die like a battery - all darkness - nothing left - dust to dust and that's basically it. And while that may be somewhat true, what about all the people who have had near death experiences who come back to life and tell you similar stories to other people who have had near death experiences? Then you question the obvious: are they mimicking everyone else's experience? Or, does our brain produce this crazy short circuit shutdown letting us 'see' the light at the end of the tunnel --- or is that just the end itself? Maybe it's like the end of a Porky Pig cartoon where he says, "Th-th-th-th- ...That's all folks!" Nobody has a concrete answer and....nobody ever will until they stare death straight in the face. Then you have religion that gets in the way of people's views/beliefs which can eventuall...

This weekend was just incredible. I got to spend time with my family (on my wife's side) and celebrated a couple of birthdays. It was nice to see everyone, and many times, it was like, "How come we haven't gotten together more?" It was said more than enough times. We're too busy, we're doing 'this' and 'that' and then, something happens that brings it to a different level - a different perspective. I realized I've been missing out on a lot. With recent events that had taken place in my life, especially with Dad passing, I just sort of went into my shell and only let a select few people in if need be. I should have done the exact opposite - would have been healthier, but shoulda' woulda' coulda'. It's strange how things happen. Last night I was lying in bed wide awake with my mind racing. I had so many questions for God - like how did He let the bombing happen in Boston? Why did "He" have to take away a couple of ...

There are times when the media is "fun and entertaining" and there are other times when the media can be questionable, or somewhat skewed in their facts. But the one thing that makes me crazy are conspiracy theorists conjuring up all sorts of stories to try and "debunk" whatever's brewing. For instance, remember the claims that the conspiracy theorists made about Newtown? They called it The Sandy Hook Shooting Hoax and claimed that they were all actors and that the tragic ending of childrens' lives were all staged. It went viral. Surprisingly, many, many people believed it because it was so incredibly shocking that some people just didn't know how to react to it, which resulted in various versions of the story. People are human and they get nervous -- they were traumatized. How are they supposed to act? In this video , you can see how "believable" it could have been if it just went a step further, one step towards truth. But it didn't. Co...

For the most part, I'm willing to do some pretty strange things to relieve my anxiety, like watching some weird guy on Youtube talk in this 'serial killer-like' voice just to hypnotize me into a state of calmness. I even go as far as ordering a few I-Doser mp3s , which are binaural beat mixes that work into your brain subconsciously giving you a feeling of euphoria and other various feelings. Kids these days are using them to experience the feeling of marijuana and even cocaine --- sounds horrible, right?  But, it's 100% safe. They do simulate the feeling due to the binaural effects to our brainwaves. I remember one night I wanted to experiment with one. I never did drugs before and knew I-Dosers were safe, so I downloaded "Acid". At first, I felt very calm, almost as if I was floating. Then, in the middle of the track, I felt my bed move a little. Then it started shaking. It wasn't shaking because Mad was watching TV while I had my earbuds on and she s...

"Ahhh! I just wanna go home!" Have you ever walked into a room and felt tense, nervous and perhaps a tad self-conscious due to the energy you felt walking inside? They say (God knows who 'they' are), that bees and dogs can smell fear - they sense your energy right away. But I don't think it's just limited to bees and dogs. I truly believe that people can sense or pick up negative or positive energy regardless. Take for example, last night... Madelene and I ate dinner at our favorite restaurant. We usually sit at the bar and order some appetizers. We're friends with the owners and have known them for years. There was something not right in the air - something a bit 'off'. Their demeanors were down - almost as though they've been defeated in some way or another. It also trickled over into the employees. Our peppy little waitress (when we actually get a table) looked down in the dumps, even though she had her sparkly smile on for us. Her en...