Topics dealing with mental health, grief, relationships and the sole reliance on trusting God.
All articles are written by Debra Pasquella.
Most Lethal Weapon Used: Fear
This weekend was just incredible. I got to spend time with my family (on my wife's side) and celebrated a couple of birthdays. It was nice to see everyone, and many times, it was like, "How come we haven't gotten together more?" It was said more than enough times. We're too busy, we're doing 'this' and 'that' and then, something happens that brings it to a different level - a different perspective. I realized I've been missing out on a lot. With recent events that had taken place in my life, especially with Dad passing, I just sort of went into my shell and only let a select few people in if need be. I should have done the exact opposite - would have been healthier, but shoulda' woulda' coulda'. It's strange how things happen. Last night I was lying in bed wide awake with my mind racing. I had so many questions for God - like how did He let the bombing happen in Boston? Why did "He" have to take away a couple of very young souls that day? Why are people in such excruciating pain due to someone's reckless behavior? My heart hasn't been this heavy in a while, probably since 9/11. And although it was on a lesser scale, it wasn't. It really wasn't. The fear, the loss of life, the pain, injuries -- this was catastrophic however you look at it. My mind kept racing - so fast - that sleep never came to me. I thought about all the school shootings, terrorism, potential nuclear wars, my loved ones, 'what if', 'what if' type of obsessive thinking. I was filled with anxiety. And, that's how the terrorists win. Like North Korea, they instill that relentless fear inside of you. They make you believe they are more powerful than you can ever imagine, hiding, lurking behind corners waiting for you at the least expected time.
Nobody knows this fact about me. So, today I am putting it all out there. I'm sure a lot of my personal friends and family will be nodding their head saying, "I never thought about that..." I guess I'm the big "loser" when it comes to the game of terrorism. They won. They ruined my life. (I sound like a jaded ex-girlfriend now.) But seriously, ever since 9/11, I have never been the same. I remember it was a Tuesday morning and I showed up to the office to learn a new program we were working on. It was a large call center with over 500 people inside, I'm guessing. It was 8am. I remember I had a couple of cups of coffee - in the best mood ever and I was ready to take on the day. I was working along with one of my managers trying to get acquainted with the new technology that they were pushing us on...because you know, I hate change and all. So, while I was sitting in a tiny boxed up cubical with my manager, we noticed we weren't getting anymore incoming calls - it was totally silent. My manager looked up at me and said, "Wow, for a Tuesday it's really quiet." Soon enough, we heard someone from beyond scream out, "Oh my God! A plane hit the World Trade Center!" After we realized it was a terrorist attack and we were not able to use the phones, leave the building or even our offices until all planes were found and accounted for. All of our telephone lines were located under the World Trade Center, which is the reason for the silent lines. Days, weeks, months after that event, it was never the same. We had bomb scares and drills that left us standing in the middle of the street scared to death. I found myself praying in the bathroom once while they told us to go back into the building even though there was still smoke. There was a small electrical fire that started on the roof somehow. But to us, in our minds, it was a terrorist attack. The fear, the constant thought and planned out escape routes in our heads were haunting us. One morning, I had to be taken out by the ambulance because I had such a severe panic attack that left me passed out on my desk. I took off work a couple of years. I swore to myself I would never work in an office building that held more than 500 people ever again. Although I love my new work (not so new anymore), the terrorists won. I work from home, but this is so not like me. I'm used to getting up at the crack of dawn and rushing off into a designated office at a certain time. And the only fear I had was being late.
While I realize anything can happen anywhere, I just want to eliminate my fear. It's not working so well. I fear for people now, I fear for my wife, I fear for all my friends and family who have to go into huge buildings with a ton of people gathered together at the same time. Every New Year's Eve when I watch the ball drop, I also expect the bomb to drop. This morning after having zero sleep, I grabbed some coffee, sat outside and prayed. You know something --- it's strange how people are so surprised at this horrific event. I expected much worse in a larger capacity --- I expected a 'bigger 9/11', because my brain says, "The next time, it's going to be even larger." My mind is racing so fast - so please bear with me. I also think about the year I went through with Dad passing, friends getting sick, friends dying and horrific tragedies taking place and a nuclear war threat to boot --- something's gotta give. I almost lost my faith in God, or perhaps I just questioned it a lot more, as you've probably read recently. The devil wants to steal your joy. Isn't that his job? And he also wants to steal your faith. "How can God let this happen?" The question is: "Why isn't our faith growing?" And that's how it's happening, how it was written in the Bible --- your faith will be tested when the times comes. We're over here like, "Why???" We forget. I forgot. But let me just tell you, I'm sort of glad I had zero sleep last night. I prayed to God, prayed for everyone involved in that tragedy and I had some pretty wild confirmations that God's on our side. So in reality --- the terrorists didn't win. Put on your suit of armor because it's gonna get worse before it gets better. I apologize for the randomness of my post today. Again, my mind is just running way too fast, so I just jotted this down the way it was in my head. I'm upset, I'm unsettled, but my faith is still there. And now, I need to wean off the java.
Matt & Alissa Walsh & The Duggars Within the last couple of days, I have been responding to a post entitled, "T he Duggars Aren't Hypocrites. Progressives Are ," by a blogger named, Matt Walsh. I read Matt Walsh because I like content that goes against my grain. Some of it I agree with, while others I don't. That's the beauty of following someone with drastic opposing opinions. He wrote about Josh Duggar and if you're not sure who Josh Duggar is, he is a reality TV star on the show called, 19 Kids and Counting on TLC. The show was pulled after news of him sexually molesting several girls as well as his own sisters when he was a teenager. Josh was apart of an anti-LGBT religious group, to which he quit due to the issues brewing all over mainstream media. My issues with this story is that Josh Duggar has continually bashed the LGBT community for their "immorality" with his Bible, even having a lesbian aunt as a relative. The problem is the
Let's get one thing straight right off the bat: I do not rejoice in other people's shortcomings or problems. What I do take a tiny bit of pleasure in, is seeing hypocrites being brought out to the light. As God says in the bible, everything secretive will be brought out into the light. Conservative blogger, Matt Walsh who takes pleasure in bashing gays, lesbians and transgenders, calling them "sick perverts" who have "mental illness" has finally admitted that he was wrong about Josh Duggar. He laughs, mocks and bullies those who are of the LGBT community and uses God as a shield so that he won't come across as the ol' fashioned bigot that he is. He proudly shows off his tattoos, smoking a cigar and drinking beer like a good ol' boy. It never ceases to amaze me that someone with tattoos can mock someone who is "sinfully" gay. "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the
Anxiety & Derealization Panic attacks can often feel like you're losing control, or perhaps going to lose it and go crazy. Some experience derealization---a sense of a surreal world---as if you're in your own home, but it's a different place somehow. Many people are experiencing this derealization these days ever since the pandemic has come to a low simmer. I'm sure you know many people who don't go out as much---or at all. And once we step outside, it feels different---surreal---weird---foggy, right? It's not the same world, we think to ourselves. It doesn't feel like the same place. That's how people who suffer with agoraphobia feel. Long periods inside their home, or long periods avoiding places can make some feel as though they're in a different world altogether. I sometimes chuckle, because a lot of these 'spiritualists' on TikTok claim that the world ended in 2012 and that we are living in a different universe, which is why we feel