Living Proof

Usually during the summer months, I become much more vibrant and active. I'm excited about hot days and warm nights. I look forward to the thunderstorms rolling through the mountains and rainbows appearing after almost each one of them. My home is more conducive to inviting loved ones over and having BBQs, fire pits and enjoying one another's company. But lately, I'm finding myself very fatigued and weak. My joints hurt and my sleep is next to none. In fact, the past couple of summers it's been like that. And then I realize that we're approaching July. July is supposed to be the best month of the season, but it's the month my father passed away back in 2012. I guess my brain still has that same day, same time imbedded in the archive files of my mind. I'm not even sure if those files are considered "archive" yet. So I acknowledge it, accept it and try focusing on the better memories, instead of his last days. I remember a friend of mine always u

This is not my typical blog post you're used to reading. I'm basically just jotting down how I feel and what's been brewing inside my lil' ol' noggin. I've been thinking and thinking and thinking…and it's time to turn the 'thinking mode' off. I want to be free and not have to worry about anyone right now. I want to enjoy life with whomever I want - not whoever is here. I want to be around sincere people who don't criticize or judge the way I live. I want to be around those who are truly positive about life - people who will uplift me and not tear me down…or apart. So bear with me as I vent it all out today.  Breathe… Clearing your mind and heart and gaining some sort of perspective on life is truly one of the most important things everyone should do from time to time. Who's important? Who's important enough for your time? Choose your friends (and perhaps family members) wisely, because time is the key factor in whether or not y

Our security system. We all want to feel safe. We all want that sense of security with whoever and wherever we are. Maybe it's based on our survival instincts or maybe it's due to each person's own experience and anxieties. Maybe all of the above. Who knows. I just remember when I was a little girl living with my parents and three older sisters - there wasn't anything that could've harmed us. Dad was always the strong and mighty one - nobody could move past him. If there was a noise outside, he'd come out like a big redneck holding his rifle shouting, "Whoz' out dare'?!?!" Whatever and whomever it was, fled real quick. We never worried about intruders or if we were ever going to get hurt at home in general. A sense - a feeling - a contentment that just was imbedded in us. We've seen "outsiders" fall ill and some pass away. But not our family. We were strong and nothing could get us…nothing. Safety is all a facade. And ev

Yesterday morning while cleaning up and getting ready to head out, I was listening to Joel Osteen as I usually do.  I flip back to Joyce Meyer when he has nothing updated on his app - but he is my absolute favorite. Anyway, he was talking about waste in our lives and how all the crap we go through is basically "fertilizer", which will eventually bloom new flowers so to speak. The "stinky stuff" in our lives will manifest beautiful outcomes in due time. And without the fertilizer, nothing positive will grow. Makes sense. Great analogy, I thought. Every aspect of our lives has these growth periods, whether it's work related, relationship issues or family struggles - we all have these ruts we fall into that we think won't ever change. I used to throw in the towel way too soon with every single thing in my life that gave me a challenge. I didn't want to deal with it, plain and simple. But, when I stuck it out and learned that my faith alone will push me fo

Nothing can bring you peace, but yourself. ~Ralph Waldo Emmerson Sincerity. It's a rarity these days. As I always thought, asking a simple, "how are you" doesn't require an answer any longer, in fact, it usually doesn't want one. A "how are you" is a another form of, "hello" - and if you do decide to expand on how you are doing , eyes will start rolling. Although I know there is an unwritten rule of the good ol' "how are you" - I will always ask you and expect a truthful answer. When I ask how you are - I wanna know the good and bad and I will always try to be of some help to you or just lend you an ear if you need to vent. I have found a few friends who are very sincere (not more than a handful mind you.) A little over a week ago I was going through some turbulent times. A good friend of mine recognized I wasn't quite myself and so, I decided to text her some bizarre message of the craziness that I was going through. She

There are many times when I get down on myself. I tell myself I'm not good enough, I don't have 'this' or I don't have 'that' - and my life just plain stinks. I'll complain about life's challenges and difficulties and all the things that I should've done, or should've been graced with. I complain and complain and complain. Then it hits me:  "I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."  - A line taken from Joyce Meyer. But even then, it wasn't so bad. But there were great challenges, like seeing my father fall ill to cancer. We all took turns and shifts sitting all day and evening with Dad in the hospital, even if he was knocked out cold by the pain meds, just so he wouldn't feel alone. I remember standing in the elevator with about 5 other people. I played this little game, guessing why they were here, or if they were a patient getting clearance and finally out of their 30 sq ft room. M

A long time ago when I was around 11 years old, I had this boy named "Mikey" on my bus ride home from school, taunting me and pulling my book bag straps. He wouldn't stop. I was fuming, but also at the verge of crying too. I really couldn't figure out his motive, but in my mind, I plotted and schemed his impending demise, because his stop also happened to be my stop. I made sure to get off the bus before him, so I could sucker punch him right in the face. And I did. This was totally out of character for me - I wasn't a bully or retaliated so violently before, but this time was different. He fell down, but quickly got right back up. My mother was at the bus stop waiting for me, holding her face screaming, "Stop!" He ran up to me and hit me right in the head, as I kept punching him, left-right-left-right. I was so angry that I started to pick up a ton of shale that was on the driveway and started throwing stones at him. Talk about barbaric. The kid ran

Generosity While growing up in my mid-teens or so, my sister and I would sit on the floor of her bedroom and play Rummy 500 for hours at a time. She always won, until one day when she told me her secret. We both knew the rules of the game, but there was a strategy to it. She said, “ Always give up your most important card and you will always win for some reason.”  It didn’t make sense to me - why would I want to give up my most important card if I wanted to win? But after losing a million & one times, I tried it. I started giving up my most valuable cards, and in return, I ended up receiving them back and then some. I then started winning. I guess that’s how it is in real life: when you give, you get back in return. And it’s not meant in a selfish way. To genuinely give in real life is rewarding in itself, but to see someone else happy and take joy in seeing that person happy, says a lot about who you are. And yes, it may be a “risk”, just like in Rummy 500 - but it’s a risk t

With great pleasure, I'm super excited about my interview with my dear friend, Marlo Bernier, writer, director and creator. She has a new TV series that will be her 5th project as producer/co-writer and her 6th in an originating-creative capacity. The interview took place via Skype, so to the best of my ability, I jotted down all of her answers. Never once, has there ever been a show quite like this before. A few select movies have made their way across the board, but never one so truthful and so raw. Not only is this show entertaining, funny and revealing, but it also sends off an inside look into what is involved personally, and what it's like in the everyday life of being a transgender woman. It demonstrates the misunderstanding of society, the importance of knowing who you are in life and the bravery of those who take that next step to be more comfortable in their own skin. In this interview, Marlo (who plays Myrna) answers some typical questions that anyone else would as