Living Proof

Relationships are tricky. Regardless of what anybody tells you, relationships take work. All that 'magical-butterflies-in-your-stomach' kind of passion eventually fades away, and before you know it, you're going to see the real person--the person they've been hiding for quite some time. The "real person" may even be better than you've imagined....or not. But here's the thing: it's taking two individual people from two entirely different backgrounds and lives, and then meshing them together. You do not "become one"--you become two people sharing their lives together. Once you start believing that you "become one," somehow, perhaps someone, will try and control the situation if that "one life" seems to change or becomes 'different' in some way. With that being said, those two people may change views and beliefs, and sometimes, those views and beliefs become entirely different than yours. Maybe their desired livi...

There's this strange myth by single people that being paired up with someone creates pure bliss. Somehow, they seem to think that if they were in a relationship that this would make them "whole" -- or perhaps take their loneliness away. I guess it's pretty much a slippery slope. On one hand, yes you are technically "alone". You are "single" -- without another companion to take away that deafening silence that seems to fill a room quicker than a crowd of people in a grocery store before a snowstorm. But what some people don't understand is, sometimes being with the wrong person can leave you feeling even lonelier. There are some people who are in love with the idea of being in love -- the idea of just being coupled up in a relationship. They think it makes their social status appear more "legit". And of course there are genuine people who just fall in love and end up being together. That's the relationship you wanna be in, especi...

After the bartender poured my second glass of wine, I heard my friend Jen say, "But love doesn't fade, Deb. It just doesn't. How can he want a divorce? We were once so in love and I still love him the same way. It's impossible for his love to fade." As I kept trying to digest what she was trying to say, also trying to hold back any words that may hurt her or completely destroy her disillusioned fairytale dream of "true love lasts forever" -- I just listened. Sometimes that's all you can do. She was in complete denial. I can tell she knew. She's smart. I guess when it comes to the heart, I think it's safe to say that we can all have those dumber than a box of rocks moments and become completely naive to what's right in front of our own eyes. This man hadn't slept in her bed for over three years. He hasn't even been home 80% of the time. He stays at his mother's house in hopes that she will sign the divorce papers and move out...

Life is strange. Relationships are strange. We're strange in our own little ways. Bundled together and shared together, it becomes a 'thought to be' predictable venture, sometimes ending up to find out you were strangers all along, whether together for a year or for twenty. Change is good. Evolving from "one person" to "this person" is okay. When it involves someone else who is changing in a different direction, it might sever the ties that bind that particular relationship. Some people never leave a relationship that has taken two different paths because well, "they've invested so much into it" or "they have a history together". When it involves kids, it becomes more about being selfless or selfish . Whose happiness are you sacrificing besides your own? But, we all want to be happy. We all want that "perfect relationship" and I'm here to say there is no such animal. You either have to accept the imperfection...

If I make an observation, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a 'fact' -- it's merely just something I've experienced on my own with nobody else nodding their head in agreement. Maybe you'll find yourself nodding your head, and if you disagree, that's okay too. For the past several years, I have come across a few people who were very critical about other people's appearances and/or lifestyles. While everyone has a right to their opinion, I think it's safe to say that if you're single and ranting about how ugly, fat or too skinny someone is, you'll remain single. Who wants to be with someone who is overly picky about someone else's appearance? And while 'so & so' may not be the most attractive person on this planet, it's just best to keep those opinions to yourself, because someone else may find them extremely beautiful. An old friend who had been constantly on the prowl for Mr. Right once said to me after her date, ...

A companion. Someone you can rely on in good times and bad. Someone who looks through your human flaws, idiosyncrasies and sees the soul of who you are and doesn’t count every mistake you have made. It’s someone who forgives, but most of all, is able to forget and move forward… with you. It’s the person you go to with your deepest secrets and the knowledge that it stays between you and that person. It’s someone who can identify with you, even if they disagree with what you’re saying. It’s the one person who would drive through a hurricane just to be with you only if for just a few hours. It’s the person you can sit in a comfortable silence with. This person will always edify you and lift your spirits up, not tear them down. You can always be reassured that outward appearances are superficial to them; it’s the heart, the soul and the love in your heart that matters the most. This person will provide an atmosphere of love, compassion, loyalty, friendship and safety for you. This person...