Those were the only words that I could possibly muster out -- giving her the choice of telling me why she is staying and not saying anything about the disappearance of his love. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Deb! A marriage lasts forever! When you love someone, you love them forever. We made a commitment! I'm staying because I want this to work out. I want my marriage back." She stared at me hoping for a response.
She then asked me, "Has your love ever died for anyone?"
|"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery|
"But how can you un-love somebody?" she said in a desperate attempt to try and make me see her side of her heart.
I almost wanted to cry for her. It is so painful to be in love with someone so much that it hurts, all the while that person has little to zero feelings in return. Unrequited love can bring many to their knees. It's the most painful experience anyone can ever experience in my opinion. When you love someone, so hard, so much, to the point that your heart -- your physical heart just breaks into tiny little pieces -- that is unconditional love. You can do no wrong when someone loves you like that. You can cheat, lie and betray them, and that person is still going to be your biggest fan. How fucking sad is that? How can I look this woman in her watery eyes and tell her, "Yep, love fades just like that. Sorry."
When your heart breaks, it can actually lead to Broken Heart Syndrome.
Breakdown of a Broken Heart
Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy. (Tako tsubo, by the way, are octopus traps that resemble the pot-like shape of the stricken heart.) Women are more likely than men to experience the sudden, intense chest pain — the reaction to a surge of stress hormones — that can be caused by an emotionally stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation, betrayal or romantic rejection. It could even happen after a good shock (like winning the lottery.) Broken heart syndrome may be misdiagnosed as a heart attack because the symptoms and test results are similar. In fact, tests show dramatic changes in rhythm and blood substances that are typical of a heart attack. But unlike a heart attack, there’s no evidence of blocked heart arteries in broken heart syndrome. In broken heart syndrome, a part of your heart temporarily enlarges and doesn’t pump well, while the rest of your heart functions normally or with even more forceful contractions. Researchers are just starting to learn the causes, and how to diagnose and treat it. The bad news: Broken heart syndrome can lead to severe, short-term heart muscle failure. The good news: Broken heart syndrome is usually treatable. Most people who experience it make a full recovery within weeks, and they’re at low risk for it happening again (although in rare cases in can be fatal).
Can you remember the love of your life? Are you still with them? And if not, do you still sort of pine over them secretly or compare them to anybody else that's in your life now?
And for the big question that my heartbroken friend asked me: has your love ever died for anyone?
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!