Living Proof

Slowly plugging away attempting to write my second book, I've taken a much different avenue this time. Back in 2003, when I wrote my first book, my outlook was strangely different than it is now. Although I claimed to have been "born again" -- I truly wasn't at all. I admit this. And what I mean by not being born again as I claimed, I speak about the deep relationship I have with God -- not just "Oh I believe in God, therefore I'm saved." And...while faith and belief in God alone will ultimately get you saved, it's the 'fruits' of your faith which are most important. I kept asking God to change me -- to have me get to truly know who God was. I wanted a deeper relationship with Him.  The truth is, the Holy Spirit cannot live inside a body full of sin and sinful thoughts. There can't be two oppositions living under one "roof" so to speak -- and yet -- while the flesh is weak, the Spirit is stronger. You don't have to be p...

Anticipatory Grief If you think back to a time when you were going through the roughest stage in your life, can you remember what pulled you through it? Do you remember how long you suffered for? If you were to have asked me a little over four months ago if I would be "OK" if my mom was going to pass away the next day, I wouldn't even entertain the thought. Even while my mother was in excruciating pain, I had hope that she would have gotten better. There was something telling me that this was the final stage. See, Mom kept a secret from me. This whole time I had thought she had stage two cancer. She was on stage four with no other options from her oncologist. She kept this secret to save me from killing myself. The month before she died, I got to take her to the shore, spend time with her, gave her a Mother's Day BBQ outside by the ocean with our family, and it was just magical. What happened next just spun my whole world around. I was having anticipatory grief. Mo...

Most of my life growing up, I never ate dinner alone. We'd all sit around the table and eat dinner together. We were fortunate enough to always have had a homemade dinner made for us, and of course, the Friday night takeout was a given. I'd sometimes invite a friend over for dinner because their parents were both working, and there was always enough food to go around at our house. Mom was always gracious and hospitable, shoveling huge portions of food onto my friend's plate as their eyes bulged out from mere shock. I didn't understand how my friends could walk into an empty house after school, as I was always greeted by mom, making sure I got off the bus okay. There was never a day when she wasn't at the bus stop. Sometimes, we'd all get together in the living room and watch a movie that was rented from the local video store. That was like a huge event for us. Nobody was on their cell phones texting or SnapChatting  -- we were all together doing exactly the ...

Have you ever felt that intense heaviness on your heart -- the type of pain that only exists when you lose a loved one or when the love of your life parts ways with you? Some say that a breakup is very similar to a death, except the other person is still out there choosing not to be apart of your life. For some, that can be the most painful thing in the world. I wrote about the broken heart syndrome before in this post . It's similar to what I feel happened to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher. The pain was too much for Debbie Reynolds to bear -- to see her daughter go before her. No parent should ever see their child go first. In that article, I also had spoken about my dad's passing and how I reacted to it. I kept getting severe chest pains. I finally had to be hauled away by the ambulance because I passed out. The EMT said, "I was the one who helped your father in his last days, you're going through the broken heart syndrome." And that was the first I have ...

Last night as I was prepping dinner, I walked outside with a glass of wine and my phone and started Periscoping the beautiful view of the lake and mountains. The sun hit it just right, making different parts of the mountains light up. I started talking about spirituality, faith and atheism. The point of the scope was to point out how faith is purely an unseen belief. Although I claim to be Christian and believe that Jesus is my Savior, I would never condemn anyone to hell because I don't want to play God. Those are some big shoes to fill. And although I believe in the Bible, I also believe that much of the book was written by man and yes, inspired by God, but how much do we actually know is true? So I rely on the book and read it with discernment. There are many contradictory scriptures in the Bible that leave many unsure. Why am I a Christian? Because it makes me incredibly happy. Is that a lame excuse? I'll elaborate on it. The euphoria I experience while meditating and...

"Is your god better than my god?" Losing a friend is strange, isn't it? I've lost a couple. I guess you can say it ended due to a conflict of interest for the most part. Some of my friendships ended on some sort of strange political view, to which I decided to just end it altogether. The thing is, friends and family members really shouldn't discuss anything political. On a religious note, if you share the same faith -- fine. But there are people who just can't "share" -- they have to use their bullhorn and blast you out of the park with their "GOD" and how you should worship who they worship. No. It doesn't work that way. Many of my friends are usually Christian heterosexuals who feel the need to tell me that I'm going to hell for being married to my wife of 22 years. And of course, I'm confident enough in my own faith to believe otherwise. If you'd like to read about my theology -- click here . Trust me, it's ...