Put Yourself Back On the Pedestal

For the longest time, I never realized the importance of self-love and putting yourself first, before trying to make anyone in your life happy. The truth is, you can't "make" anyone happy. You can't control how other people feel. You can only control your emotions and reactions to people, things and situations. It's taken me quite a few decades to realize this. Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to stay true to their word. They'll say one thing, and then do another. Observe the actions of people---not what they say. Also, it's important to forgive. It's human nature to be flawed and imperfect. Most people intend on making good on what they "say," but their actions may lack a bit. Forgive it all. You can't do anything about it. I know this sounds like a weak approach, but it's actually the harder approach. I cannot tell you how many videos and TedTalks I've seen where there are mentors and spiritual gurus are trying to convince you to play games with people in order to get what you want. "If they go silent, you go silent longer." "If someone hurts you, retaliate in 'this way.'" No. This is all bad advice. 

Whether or not you decide to forgive someone completely, does not require them to stay in your life. 

"But I don't trust them!" 

Trusted them to do what? You've gained the knowledge of who they truly are. You may have seen their mask fall off. Now you have clarity of either deciding whether or not you can be around certain types of people, especially ones who broke your trust. Nobody owes us anything. It's up to you if you still love and appreciate them for who they are "as is," ...or not.

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do." --Jesus 

Life is hard enough as it is. The past few weeks, I've been helping a friend get through a rough breakup. They're in a "no contact" situation, which sometimes is a planned and strategic way of either getting them back, or making the other person realize what they've lost. I do understand that in some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder...sometimes. But it's sometimes a good idea to step out of the situation long enough so you can view it from the outside. Things start making more sense, and you'll gain more clarity overall.

But I disagree with this approach. If you are going "no contact," the only way to make this work effectively for you, is to go off the radar for whatever amount of time is sufficient. Some have suggested to go radio silent for 30 days (meaning no contact/no social media updates) and put YOURSELF back on the pedestal. This means work all of the 8 elements of wellness. Emotional, physical, occupational, social, spiritual, intellectual, environmental, and financial. 

Part of the process is going off the radar. This doesn't mean that you are intentionally not contacting your ex or anyone you were involved with as a means to get back at them. This is a wellness month for you---to completely transform your life in every area possible. Many monks and Buddhists do these types of retreats. You don't have to cut off everyone, because let's face it---that's not possible. But do it so you can regroup. You will feel ten times better having gone through the pain and anguish. And the key in doing something so determined is to pour all of your pent up anger, frustrations and raw emotions into it. It's the same when God turns your ashes in for beauty. 

Do not---and I mean DO NOT subscribe to the manipulating ways of the world. In fact, there is a book out on the market that's a best seller now. It's called, "48 Laws of Power," by Robert Greene. It tells you things like using absence to increase respect, pose as a friend while working as a spy, how to crush your enemy, how to play a sucker to catch a sucker---(seem dumber than your mark), how to create a cult-like following---all of these things are TOXIC. Not only that, but most, if not all of the chapters are already listed in the book of Satan. These are all satanic and will only harm you, not help you. I will explain it like this: I have a friend who is a witch. I guess you can call her a "good witch," nonetheless, a witch. She had explained to me that if you use these manipulating tactics (spells, to which they are) -- this comes back to you tenfold. This book will work against you, not for you. So if you're doing these things and finding yourself going around the same mountain again and again and again, it may be a karmic pattern you're going through. 

The best thing to do is to be your authentic self. Whatever you feel is the right thing to do---do it. Don't play games, don't go silent just to get back at someone (unless you truly don't want them in your life.) Don't use any of these tactics to manipulate or "manifest" people. It's essentially witchcraft. This is what spell work is all about. I know many of you heard the word "manifest" or "manifestation." These are lighthearted words so they don't have to say "spell work." 

Be humble. Do whatever it is that is straight from your heart. Don't play with people. Tell them you love them. Apologize, and also forgive. And if your sentiments are rejected, just remember, rejection isn't a bad thing. It's a person's free will. You have to give people free will, just as God has. Rejection is just redirection. Some people aren't meant to be in our lives, and that's okay. We only can do the best we can do. Offer your love, time, loyalty and friendship, and if it is not welcomed, then turn around and wish them well. Respect their space, if that's what they want. 

Now take all that love you have been pouring into other people, and pour in back into YOU. For me, I tend to place people on pedestals, and I don't even realize it. I have a "people pleasing" habit that I'm trying to break. It's hard though. But what are the underlining reasons for it? We need to make ourselves happy first, before we can ever make anyone else happy. We need to love ourselves first, before loving anyone else. That person you want to spend time with--is you. Focus on God, your prayer life, your health, your dreams, your goals, your hobbies and focus on elevating your vibration. These positive efforts you put into yourself automatically raise your vibrational frequency, and this also means that some people in your life may probably fall off the radar. These people may have too low of a frequency to be around you. You will no longer have anything in common with them. And/or, you may experience a reunion with those who already had a high frequency that you somehow couldn't match up with. It works out for the best---either way. 

Energy is real. Once you start loving yourself and taking care of you---and everything in your environment, you are automatically lovable by nature. Many people fear that they are not lovable. The root cause for this is because they don't love themselves enough. So why would anyone else love them? Loving yourself (from a humble place) sets off a positive energetic frequency to other people. And remember this: self-care is NOT selfish. It's your survival guide to life. 

Stop focusing on other people and go within. 

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes and check out her Instagram full of food videos!