Living Proof

It makes me very sad to think that there are people out there still in the closet, afraid to come out and tell their family and loved ones that they're gay or lesbian. There can be many factors why someone would stay quiet about their sexuality. For me, the people I surrounded myself in the past would make derogatory remarks, like, "Eww, gross! That girl's a lesbian," or "She's a lesbo," --those types of things. I even heard someone mutter out, "But she's so pretty, why would she resort to dating women when she can get any man she wants?" So being a "lesbian" meant that the person wasn't "pretty enough" to have a boyfriend. And in this case, if she was pretty, then it just didn't make sense. "She mustuv' got hurt by some guy." Here's the thing --- what a dreadful life to live if your life cannot be lived to its fullest. What a dreadful life it would be if you couldn't be. ..you. How awful...

Our good friend Jill had posted something very heartfelt concerning her political views on Facebook. There was a big difference compared to everybody else's though: I have never seen such a personal and touching stance on politics---ever. I have never been convinced that either presidential candidate would ever change the way society truly feels about marriage equality, which is why I was so undecided about who to choose. I also don't rely on my lifestyle and personal life to dictate who I will vote for. I usually vote for who is best for the economy (in my opinion and from learning through others) which ultimately affects all of us,   and who will protect our country. I've been so undecided for so long, until now. I haven't had anyone truly make a dent with their side of the coin on swaying me to either side. They've all made great points and while I nodded my heads a few times, there wasn't anything so inspiring, so loving and so so personal as this one....

Some might disagree with this, but I am not anti-atheist - I just have so many questions in my mind about the feeling of not believing in anything, or for a lack of better terms, the feeling of having scientific proof tell you that there is no god. Here's why I'm so inquisitive... I'm not trying to 'poke' anyone or provoke ill feelings, but for me, if I somehow found out that there was no god, no heaven and no afterlife whatsoever, I would have nothing to live for, because I have nothing to die for. (Hope that makes sense.) My entire life, from morning till evening is dedicating my life, my heart to God and relying on Him to make me "okay". For instance, in the morning while I'm cleaning up and making my bed before work, I pray. I talk to God as if He was right there in person, and to me, He is. I set a time in the morning to sit outside and pray. It rejuvenates me even more than my favorite coffee. When I don't talk to God and miss a day - it...

Seriously? No wonder why so many conservative Christians think all homosexuals are perverts. Isn't there a better way to demonstrate your opposition instead of kissing random demonstrators of the same sex at an establishment that you're protesting at? The people who are going to be protesting today are the same people who give all gays and lesbians a bad name. They make people automatically think "SEX" when they hear anything regarding the gay and lesbian community. We're more than just showing a little PDA - we're loving companions, best friends, family units --- not just sex partners. I voiced my opinion on my Facebook page and a friend said, "I'll have a herpes chicken sandwich with a side of cold sores." This is only saying one thing: "Hey Chick-fil-A, you're right! We are sinful, promiscuous homosexuals that shouldn't be able to marry because we love kissing random people of the same sex." (The kissing part optional.)  ...

There are a ton of posts on Facebook filled with outraged gays and lesbians screaming bloody murder about a cheesy chicken chain (cha-cha-cha) and their views on homosexuality. As I've said many times, who gives a flying rat's ass what Chick-fil-A's views are. If the chicken is good - eat it. Just wear a rainbow t-shirt when you walk in. Seriously though, the saddest thing I've witnessed with this b.s. were all the supporters lined up for miles just to grab a few legs or thighs having it to be a proverbial slap in the face for all gays and lesbians in the U.S. Half are saying, "Yes, we support your freedom of speech, your beliefs as a Christian and personal values."  Others are saying, "Yes, we support you hating fags!" And I use that term loosely because if you go onto their Facebook page, you will see many supporters using that term and drumming up more hate towards the LGBT community. But not all. Just some. As a Christian lesbian, I understand ...

Where do we learn tolerance for people who may be different than us? You can even post the question a little differently: where do we learn prejudices from? While society may be a factor, it also stems from what a child learns from home, or even what the child is hidden from. Kids are smart and eventually, they come to terms with Santa Claus being a fraud, the Tooth Fairy's a character played by mom and of course, the Easter bunny is just a fib. But those are 'good' lies; to enhance the child's wonderment. I do believe that. But what do you say to a child who sees two men holding hands or two women in a loving embrace like mommy and daddy do?  That's a hard call, but eventually they find out by their friends in school, which is just as scary as amateur sex ed. As society progresses into a new world of tolerance and equality for all (thank God), the old world of prejudices still lurks out there, waiting to offend anyone who dares fit the mold of the ~unknown~. At m...

Yesterday morning as I was checking my email, I came across an old friend from high school who befriended me on Facebook. We batted a few emails back and forth, and with the last email she had sent me, she asked, “Why did you decide to become a lesbian?” At first, I wanted to respond quickly, swiftly, and of course without thinking. I then paused and wondered if this woman had any type of exposure to any of the LGBT community, or at least knew someone who was gay or lesbian. She was brought up in a very rigid Catholic household. That in itself tells me where this bizarre question came from. She’s also raising her new family with her husband the same way. Nothing wrong with that. So I sat and thought about it, and instead of flat out saying, “Are you serious”, with a sarcastic slap in the face, I decided to slap her in the face with a joke she can either think is serious or not. I replied with, “Well, I thought I’d get more guys that way.” I was wondering how serious she would have take...

It was much different thirty years ago than it is today when things were more on the ‘hush hush’ if anyone happened to be gay or lesbian. Some called it “a phase” or if it was a female, some would mutter, “Well, she surely can’t get a man, so she decided to be a lesbian.” And that was that. No other explanation was given. It was a “mess up” - a glitch in their life. Of course, you had and still have those who insist that being gay or lesbian has everything to do with being sexually abused as a child. Pure bullshit for a true analysis. As a child, I remember my mom telling her friends the story of her married female friend who lived in the same building she did back in Brooklyn years ago. She left her husband for “the dyke” downstairs who used to come and do her plumbing. (Pun very much intended.) The real kicker is the last words of her story: “She kept going upstairs to fix things, and then befriended her. She must have influenced her somehow.” As though the thought of being a les...

You could imagine the look on my face when I heard a mother telling her teenaged daughter, “That looks just awful. You look like a lesbian.” The young girl walked out of the dressing room, swirling in front of the mirrors, hoping the black buttoned down dress shirt fit properly. The mother kept on, “They’ll think you’re a lesbian, between the short spiky hair and a man’s dress shirt.” The girl just sighed and then rushed back into the dressing room embarrassed. The mother shot me a look to see if I was listening. Our eyes connected. “Right? Doesn’t she look like one of those lesbians?” I smiled and said, “Nothing wrong with looking like one. What does a lesbian look like anyway?” “You know, those girls who cut their hair really short and wear men’s clothing. It’s awful for a woman to do that to themselves.” “Ah well, if they’re happy, I don’t see a problem with it.” I said, not looking straight at her. “Being a lesbian is no life to live, especially for my daughter. She was raised ...

Anger motivates many people to do "missions" that are supposedly inspired “by God”. They use the name of God in order to tear down or destroy anyone that may be doing something of their disinterest. Why would any religious person, regardless of their denomination, obsess and focus so much on homosexuality? I’m speaking about those who ridicule gay and lesbian lifestyles to the point of cursing them, and in some unfortunate cases, killing them. I totally believe that what we “hate” has something to do within “us”. So, when someone hates you for being gay, lesbian or transgender, maybe they’re having a sexual orientation and identity crises of their own? That fact remains, when people fear the thought of who they “may” be, is usually generated by anger and obsessiveness, in fear of discovering that they may share something in common. I distinctly remember a friend of mine who was married with kids, went to church like clockwork, who also happened to disagree with my lifestyle. ...

What is it about human nature that makes some of us use projection as a way to defend our own insecurities? Remember back in grade school when the little kids would tease you, calling you names only to make themselves look better for the rest of the kids watching? Or, in some cases, the kids would make fun of you for the total opposite reason: they had a crush on you. It never made sense back then, but as we grew older, we started learning that we sometimes do the opposite of how we really feel. Even when a relationship has taken a turn for the worse, but the two people are still in love, they’ll remain bitter sometimes out of pure stubbornness. “Don’t call them! Let them wait!” We’re doing things opposing to how we really feel at times. “Play hard to get.” Why? What about homophobic people? For instance, let’s take a man who is very comfortable being a heterosexual male. Why would he care if someone was gay or not? Have you ever come across a man or a woman who was so obsessed with...

The other day I was asked if I had any “straight friends”. It was apparent that this person had not seen beyond the small scope of my sexual orientation, but rather, she chose to see what she wanted to see. My answer of course, was a “yes”, however my wife and I mingle with anyone who we click with - not just because of a sexual orientations.   Many heterosexuals feel that the gay and lesbian community only surround themselves with “their own kind” - which kind of sounds like some bizarre species of sorts, but that is so far from the truth with me. In fact, most of my interactions and are with straight people and not because I choose to, but because I focus more on the person and not their preferences.  Most of my readers are straight. But the thing is, I never even thought about it, until this person had asked that question. For me, I don’t think, “gay”, “straight”, “bisexual”, “transgender”, or “polyamorous”. I don’t care what people do, or who they choose to love or even if th...

C ontrary to heterosexual myths: there is an overabundance of ways to have lesbian sex.  Many of times, I’ve been asked: “How do lesbians have sex?” The answer depends on the individual(s) involved. The majority of the heterosexual world assumes that lesbian sex is just “oral sex”. They seem to think this is the only way to please our partners. Sometimes, they inquire about toys, but then again, toys aren’t needed. I was once asked, “Isn’t there a void to be filled, like something to replace the penis?”   Yes and no. I cannot speak for every lesbian on this planet, however I can tell you that some women like penetration, which may require toys or not, and some women love clitoris stimulation, which may require a variety of things, such as: manual stimulation with hands, mutual masturbation and genitalia sex, and of course your good ol’ oral sex.  
 Most men conjure up images of what I call, “the tickling lesbians”; the ultra femme porn star type with nails long enough to sprea...

Ah, Wednesday morning, the birds are chirping, the kids are outside laughing and playing while waiting for the bus and the goddam neighbor is putting up drywall in the apartment next to me. I’ve been battling with chronic fatigue syndrome for the past three weeks now and it has affected my work and play a great deal. Saturday I had a nice little break from this foggy feeling and was able to mingle with my friends. Come Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I was a total dishrag. In fact, every single muscle in my body ached and my thoughts were scrambled as if I sucked down an entire bottle of cough medicine. Some would call it depression or (SAD) Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I’m going to go with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Yes, I have officially diagnosed myself. I’ve been working on a few projects at one time and I’m not much of a multitasker. My personal diagnosis of ADD tells me this. Or could it be a mere “disinterest”? Who the hell knows - everything is so damn vague these day...

It’s absolutely amazing how Facebook has brought old friends or even just old acquaintances back into communication again. Those who knew me well when I was a child also knew my family while growing up.  After yesterday’s post, a close old friend had written me an email asking me how my father reacted when he found out I that I was a lesbian. My father is your typical ‘old school’ Brooklynite, who smokes four packs of Camel’s non-filtered cigarettes and could put away three pots of coffee in one sitting.  I remember hearing ‘cling-cling-cling-cling-cling-cling-cling-cling’, from his spoon swirling around in his cup a million and one times. He would stir the coffee so much that I felt like screaming, “It’s mixed already, dammit!” As you approached him, there was a thick layer of gray smoke surrounding him. Even if he wasn’t smoking, the remains of the cigarette clouds would linger for hours. The ‘stop, drop and roll’ technique never worked so well. We had to talk to him with ga...

This morning when I woke up, I went to go make coffee and breakfast for Madelene, when something on the table stopped me in my tracks: two apples and one banana placed so perfectly together, that I seriously thought it was a joke on Madelene’s part. I chuckled and shuffled my tired self into the kitchen to prepare an egg white omelet for my sweetie. Even while I was cooking, I couldn’t get the image out of my head, which led into other thoughts that irritated me a bit. All the assumptions and stereotypes of “why” I “turned” gay from so many people in my life, as well as professional doctors. “It must be sort of a deep psychological reason for why you’re gay.”  I’ve heard this line so many times from so many different types of social workers, psychologists as well as psychiatrists; a select few mind you, nonetheless, I’ve heard it all too many times, and each with the same tone. I especially remember one psychologist who was a lesbian herself, that indicated that the reason why I w...

Even though I think the age of 30-40 is still fairly “young”, there are so many things I feel I have not done yet. I feel like I haven’t travelled as much as I should have. There are so many adventures that I have simply passed up on.  The reason: fear. Fear has always held me back in some way or another, whether in relationships, traveling, pursuing my dream goals or even to just “say no” to the things I really didn't want in my life, just because I “felt bad”. I was always brought up to be polite, saying “please” and “thank you”. I say sorry way too much when there is no need for it. If someone bumps into me, I involuntarily let out an “Oh, I’m sorry.” All my life I have gone out of my way, above and beyond to make others happy, not because I feel guilty or “it’s the right thing to do” - but because I really want to. I’ve been taken advantage of a lot in my lifetime and mocked for the things I have done. I’ve been judged and criticized for my anxiety and depression wh...