Left Thankless

Hey Deb,

I was just about to turn off my computer & call it a night when something popped into my head.
I was thinking about what you've been going through lately. It reminded me of something my old roommate went through. For a while, she was getting strong heart palpitations in the middle of the night. It got so bad that she had to wear a heart monitor. I told her to wake me up anytime it got to be too much. I was happy that she took me up on my offer. She's a very private person. We'd watch tv or play this electronic word game I had. (she was much better at it than me even with the palpitations). I'd like to extend the same offer to you. Unfortunately, its a bit of a trek for you to knock on my door like she used to. But I keep my phone by my bed. Please call me anytime you think I'd be the right person to talk to. I know Madelene is there for you. But there may come a time when a goofball like me is the right person at that particular moment. And if I'm too tired to talk, I'll be honest & let you know.

Don't say thanks, but you'd feel too imposing to call. In fact, don't say anything; don't even respond to this email. I'm just offering. Keep it in the back of your mind. That's all.

City Mouse

Okay City Mouse. I’m not saying one word through an e-mail to you. I’m not saying “thank you” over the phone or sending you some cheesy @ss e-card to show you my appreciation for being so understanding, nor will I send you a greeting card through snail mail to tell you how grateful I am that you’re my friend, and how wonderful I think you are. I will not ever tell you how happy that you and I crossed paths.

Don’t think for one minute that I am trying to get across how special of a friend you are to me. I’m not saying “thanks”…AND, no, I would call you up at 2am just to harass you, not for anything else.

I will not tell you how your intellectual wit and sense of humor relieves me of all my stress. No. You will get no appreciation here. I’m not going to say how helpful you have been by making me laugh ever since we met. Nope. Not getting that either.

So here is my blog, to you, City Mouse. It’s a blog of non-appreciation for you. A blog to tell many people out there about this amazing woman, who really made a difference in my life---however, I won’t tell you that, dear City Mouse.

With that—don’t thank me. Don’t even respond to this blog. Hopefully you won’t read this blog, but unfortunately you comment on most…(hehe)

You’re a definite ‘keeper’ and a friend I know I will have for a very long time. I’m not saying a word.

For all who don't quite know me, I suffer from anxiety attacks which then leads me to be lifeless for a day or two sometimes. It has been really bad lately, where I have been getting heart palpitations, chest pains, and it feels like my throat is closing up every single night when I try to go to sleep. I can't figure out what's bothering me though. A lot has transpired with my work and writing--but in a good sense. Nothing at all is really 'stressing' me out. They say it's a chemical imbalance. Well, yeah, so is my OCD manias, but that's only the fun side of me.

Now, since my dear friend does not want me to thank her or tell her that I appreciate her offer, I have to blog this.

For all of you who do suffer from panic attacks, do you have any advice for me? I do see a therapist to 'talk' to, but to tell you the truth, my friends should be billing me instead.

And to all of you who don't know my good friend, visit her blog. http://www.witiot.blogspot.com/

Her blog is intellectually stimulating and comical at the same time!