Committing the Perfect Suicide


My sister and I were talking and I’ll never forget what she said to me: “If we change the way we look at things - the world changes around us.” I truly believe that other things people were saying to me were messages from God. I’m guilty of having obsessive thought patterns. I constantly badgered---wait----tortured myself with negative thoughts. I’m still guilty of it from time to time. In fact, my thoughts are more on the lines of enslaved thoughts. They take over my entire life and then I slip into a deep depression. That. must. change.
I can easily blame all of my fear and phobias on my anxiety - it’s a great crutch, but I want a better excuse. Do you think anxiety is self-provoked? Do we create our own hell on earth? The one thing my therapist had said to me was, “Stop saying you can’t. You CAN. I CAN drive long distances. I CAN be in a crowded supermarket.” I AM better. I AM at peace. With positive self-affirmation and reassurance that I AM able to do this or do that, life seems a little more “possible”; a little less scary. One of my great fears or phobias is being rushed. I get high anxiety traveling long distances just to be there for a short while.
So, this weekend I am committing the perfect suicide: My wife and I are taking off and leaving for Montauk for only two days. We typically go for more than a week. I can’t stand the traffic going through Long Island, it gives me agita. So, instead, I AM going to the beach. I WILL enjoy the pleasant Long Island ride over there. I AM content with the chaotic traffic and WILL be on my best behavior when someone cuts me off. I WILL enjoy the rush of packing and unpacking. I might just bring a backpack. You’ll have to check with Madelene if I made good on my word, for I won’t say boo if I flip my lid. This is so out of my character to pick up and go...but much needed! Things. need. to. change. "I" need to change.

What’s your best suicide plan?
Enjoy this beautiful weekend!