Breaking Point

Everyone has a breaking point with any type of circumstance in life. Whether it's dealing with a crabby boss, having issues with your spouse, struggling to make ends meet or a huge life change due to loss of a loved one, (which is my biggest challenge at the time). There are two types of breaking points: the breaking point where you finally throw in the towel and give up completely and let it defeat you, or the breaking point that sets your mind and ambition to change your situation, or at least do something more productively to offset it. I'd like to say that I opt for the second one, but sometimes I fall into category #1 and completely shut the world out, including myself. I decided that I was done moping around, still mourning (will always mourn for my dad), but instead of sacrificing my own happiness, I'll take care of myself so I can help others in some way. Baby steps. I started cycling again every morning, sometimes reaching 7-10 miles (which is like 3 miles in treadmill 'years' I think), and trying to maintain a level of peace somehow. My peace comes when I pray mostly, but these days, my prayers have been while I'm taking a shower or doing the dishes or laundry. It's all good and fine, but it's not a peaceful type of prayer, where the main goal is to "listen" to God by meditating. I was asked the other day, "Have you been meditating?" And when I thought about it, as huge as I am about meditating, I haven't sat down lately to take a deep breath in order to let my mind rest. Instead, I've been up with insomnia as my mind finds a way to wind down after racing for hours on end. And when you finally reach that "breaking point", like something's gotta give now --- it could just be an awakening, not so much giving up.

In my little online bible app, it opened up to {1 Peter 5:7} - "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you," with a side note, "We experience freedom when we give a burden over to the Lord in prayer---even before the prayer is answered. The assurance of God's love and concern refreshes us and renews our hope." Every. single. person. is stressed about something. What works for each person? I tried all the negative solutions like, drinking, isolating myself, not meditating or trying to gain peace and inactivity which all led to depression, fatigue and a decline in health. Then another scripture popped up giving me more inspiration: "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." {2 Corinthians 4:8-10} Quick story.. About a month ago I did actually take a lot of time out to pray and meditate. It was something I hadn't done in a while. When the scripture above says, "Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies"-----when you sincerely pray as well as "listen" to Him----a light shines through you, I like to call it "the Jesus light". That day, I never had so many people in random places coming up to me just to say hello, or try to help me with something or just a simple smile from a stranger. It's like a dog's senses - people can detect the peace you have in your heart. People can also detect a negative energy as well.

The mind is the most powerful tool we have. We can tweak it either way, good or bad, depending on how you see it. Mad said to me the other day, "I noticed a huge difference in you lately." I kind of side-eyed her, expecting her to say something in jest, but she went on to say, "Your responses are much different lately." Still waiting for a more detailed answer, she noticed a few negative situations or comments that were thrown at me, where I didn't take offense to, which is the norm for me. Most of all, I saw the comments (or situations) in a more positive light, not twisting it into a negative condonation as I typically do. I was always defending myself in some way, whether from major insecurities or just being high strung and up in arms about everything. I was always so offended - "I'm offended about this!" "I'm offended about that!" I dissected every little thing that someone would say to me (even if it was to help in some way) and then wreak havoc afterwards, or at least, give a snide remark about their "flaws" or situation.  I was actually torturing myself, by trying to protect myself, when there really wasn't an enemy to attack. I was my own enemy. Maybe it takes a huge life event, as I've just experienced in order to learn a little something about yourself. Life is way too short to roll around in the puddles of life's turmoil.

{Romans 5:3-4} We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectations of salvation."

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