5 Ways To Tell If Your Friend Has Your Best Interest at Heart

Over the years I learned a lot about people. I'm pretty intuitive when it comes to people's energy. I'm not talking ~witchcrafty~ intuitive---I'm talking about true discernment. Don't get it twisted. You can tell a lot about how someone treats you, as well as if they prioritize you in a certain way. Keep in mind---people have busy lives and sometimes can't prioritize you for whatever reason. It doesn't mean they don't care for you or have your best interest at heart. I'm talking about those who make you a last resort sort of option. The kind of person I'm talking about will most likely avoid calling you, meeting up with you, however, they will send you a million videos from Instagram and Tiktok---(or as my gen-x lingo would have it, a "chain letter" of sorts---junk mail if you will.) They'll never just ask, "Hey, how are you?" You may see them at events, or bump into them and they'll spare a few minutes, but that's it. Basically, they're considered "acquaintances," not friends. 

The Takers

Please do not confuse this with being generous with a loved one, or offering something a friend may need. The people I'm talking about are way different. They take take take. As the great Maya Angelou once quoted, "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." Mind you, never expect anything in return when you give something to someone, but notice the patterns of someone's energy and presence. Are they draining? Are they tapping out all of your energy in order to cater to their negative mindset? Once again, do not confuse this with consoling a friend in need. I'm talking about the complainers---the people who have nothing positive to say whatsoever. How do you feel when they leave your home? Are you exhausted? Or do you feel energized? Be observant. Some people choose to take advantage of opportunities you may present to them without an ounce of appreciation. 

Notice Who They Associate With

For instance, if they associate with someone who betrayed you, most likely they're also having conversations about you. In fact, one 'funny' experience of mine was finding out a good friend was talking poorly about me to someone else who had betrayed me. And guess who told me? The person who betrayed me. If they're talking to people who did you wrong, most likely they're not a lifer---they're not even worth half a season. Say nothing and move on. It's not worth rehashing and experiencing an upheaval of lies and slander. I remember being on the outs with someone a few years back, and her closest friend called me up out of the blue to complain about her---telling me how much of a horrible person she was. This just shows you NO ONE is to be trusted. Just treat people the best you can, and keep to yourself, until you find a lifer or two. I keep my circle tight for those reasons alone. And remember, friends can argue and have their issues, but it's when they forgive one another and come back together. Forgiveness in a friendship means they're a lifer. You may have an inkling that another issue may arise, but you know you'll get through it, because you learned so much from the last incident. Friendships are work when they're worth it and I'm glad my lifer is my rock. We aren't perfect, but we love our imperfections and accept one another as is, with unconditional love. (You know who you are...thank you.) 

Are You a Priority? 

Or are you just a convenience? Make sure you know the difference. Some people may use you because you have a big heart and you'll listen to them, cater to them, invite them over, feed them, or just give them your undivided attention---something they probably don't receive in their life very much. But are you their priority? And like I said in the first paragraph---yes people are busy, but there's a big difference when someone makes plans with you, and at the last minute, they find something better and leave you hanging. That's a red flag right there. 


I have a huge pet peeve when I find out someone either lied to me or embellished a story to the point where it never even happened. I listen attentively to people when they talk. I remember every single detail. So when someone tells me a story, and then weeks later, the story is a little different, that's a huge red flag for me. My trust is gone, especially when this story could ruin a person's livelihood. The truth is, there's three sides to a story: person #1, person #2, and the truth. Sometimes it's like a game of telephone, and when the last person hears the story, it went from stealing a piece of gum to robbing a bank. Once you lie to me, I treat every single word out of your mouth a lie as well. 

Good or Bad News

How do they react when you have good news? If your friend doesn't celebrate your achievements or whatever good thing came bouncing into your life---they're either jealous of you or they don't think you deserve anything good in life.  How do they react when something bad happens? Do they want more info with details, (more to gossip about) --and are they more in tune to you when something bad is happening? Be careful, because not everyone has your best interest at heart. Some even like to see bad things happen to you. Others may also love this because it gives them a good story to tell to their other friends, (possible mutual friends.) 

I hope these helped in some way. Through my own experiences, I've learned that people are human. It's okay to make mistakes or fumble once in a while, but when does it come to the point where your lifer really doesn't even like you at all? This post is intended to hopefully have you gain more discernment about people's intentions. If you're like myself, you can sense someone's energy even before they walk into the room. The best thing you can do for someone who is either toxic or wishing ill will upon you is to pray for them. Remember, blessings are much stronger than curses. When someone tries to put the bad juju on you---remember you serve a mighty God. Your hedge of protection is not only real, but it's like a bubble of armor that cannot be penetrated. 

"It is never wise to seek or wish for another's misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang." --Charley Reese

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes and check out her Instagram full of food videos!