Four Reasons, Four Seasons (A love note to Madelene)

Without You

Sometimes I can just look at you and know what you’re thinking. It’s not predictability. It’s our connection. It’s our likeness and differences that make us mesh so well. It’s our understanding that although we’re very different and lead different types of lives, we always come back to the one life we live together. Our friendship, our relationship, our marriage isn’t perfect, and if it were, it would be fake. “Hi, how was your day?” “Fine, and yours?” “Fine.” “Goodnight.” “Goodnight...” No... It’s more than that. It’s knowing that after a hard day, you can rest your head in a place that’s truly your “home” - a place where you are loved and taken care of. I know I can come home and find love inside. This place wouldn’t be a home without you. It would be just four walls and my empty heart. It would be cooking for one, perhaps take out...alone. It would be dreaming about my best friend, my wife. Mornings would be dreadful. No more breakfast for two, just a cup of and unsweetened. No more fun conversations, not even the repeated conversations where I sometimes have to interject and say, “Yeah, I remember you telling me this story”, as you shoot me a look to let you finish it anyway. I’d miss that.

Shopping would be boring without you. Who would I “whisper yell” at through gritted teeth to stop talking to me from another dressing room? Even when we’re sitting in a crowded doctor’s office together, you seem to want to entertain all the people with our personal conversation. Again, I have to do the “whisper yell” and say, “Sshhh, stop it.” You enjoy when I get agitated and sometimes, we even get the church giggles over it because it’s so damn funny. You put up my hypochondria and ailments. There have been plenty of times when it hits midnight and we’re about to doze off into a deep slumber and I pop my head up and decide that I’m having a heart attack. “Ok,” you say, getting up putting your jeans and sneakers on, “Let’s go to the ER.” You know the drill. I can be having the same “nerve pain” that shoots from my jaw all the way down my left arm, but still, you know I need to hear the doctor say, “You’re not having a heart attack. Go home & take some Motrin.”

People laugh at us because we sometimes argue right in front of them, but our argument is quite different from the norm: “No, you take the last one.” “No, I had enough, you take the last one.” “No, please, take the last one.” We argue about who is going to cook for that evening. “I’m going to cook for you.” “No sweetie, let me cook for you.” ----It can be either sickening, annoying and/or comical for people witnessing this “Chip ‘n’ Dale” type of argument. “I’ll clean up.” “No, let me clean, you cooked.” ---etc., etc., etc... They say that love isn’t just a feeling, but an action. Showing someone you care for them is the true definition of love. Doing things for them “just because” and not out of mere obligation is true love. To get joy out of doing something for your loved one is priceless. To do things grudgingly is questionable.

There are many times I whine over your long hours at work. The truth is, I want more of you. If I ever won the lottery, it’s “time” that would be my true winning factor. More time. More vacations. More long mornings, more lazy afternoons and romantic nights. More time sharing with our family and friends. More time getting to know you better, because after sixteen years, I still have so much to learn about you. I’m excited to get to know you better as we continue our journey in life together. I absolutely love seeing you relaxed, resting and enjoying your days off. I love watching you unwind from a busy week, knowing that I'll always be there taking care of you. I do it because I love you more than anything. Valentine’s Day for us is every day. I love you more today than I ever did before. I find you more attractive now than I did when we first met. You make my life more colorful and vibrant in so many ways. You just keep getting better & better each and every day, and I’m so happy knowing that I have my best friend to grow old with, although you keep saying every year that you’re still twenty-nine.

Happy Valentine’s Day, baby! You'll always be the LOML.

I love you, 


Click here to see Madelene's letter to Deb.

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