Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Wounded

I don't care if you're a hard-headed, unforgiving, bitter ol' sonnovabitch, but most everyone holds onto old wounds, or at least remembers them. New wounds always need time of course. You don't have to be the "nice guy" or the sensitive soul that absorbs way too much. While we're all wired so differently and beautifully, we all have egos and hearts that break and shatter. I'm guessing about 80% + people are in therapy trying to 'figure it all out', while the rest are out there seeking some sort of outlet (and relief) to distract them from the chaos that lives inside their minds. You've heard the saying, "Idle time is the devil's playground", and while that may ring true, we may also find ourselves running away from what hurt us instead of facing it head on. The fact remains, wherever you go, for however long 'something' distracts you, there is going to be a time when your moments are idle and your thoughts come fluttering through like an unstoppable break in the dam. Is it any wonder why so many people raid the liquor cabinets and refrigerators? We try to drink and eat our problems away, unless we can set our mindset to the advice that was always given to us: exercise. Bah, pass me the wine! Hand over the Ben & Jerry's!

"You have no mail."
You can go on all the vacations you want, move to different states or countries and even take on an entirely different job to give your life a "different feel", but at the end of the day, it's just you and your thoughts, and perhaps you pay a little visit to those old wounds again. The truth is: you can't run away from "you".  The hardest part is having no closure or resolution to whatever and whoever hurt you in the past. It's still up there in the air, floating around with a ton of question marks plastered on it. And while 'time heals all wounds', time doesn't really take the memory out of the equation. "I'll have another wine, please..."  And oddly enough, with each wine comes a new thought about what we were trying to forget about. Ironic, or just a curse?  You're lucky if you can resolve whatever/whoever hurt you, but sometimes, there is no way, either through indifference or through a departed loved one.

"Why you crying??"
Have you ever tried to occupy your 'sad time' by replacing it somehow? For me, I tried replacing my 'sad time' with a puppy. It worked for the most part. She gave us joy, laughter and even made my Dad smile and laugh the last days of his life. It was a way to ease the uneasiness of everything that was happening around us...and to us. I can't tell you how many times my puppy saw me crying. She'd come over, hop on my lap and lick my tears away until I smiled. If she wasn't there, I think I would have stayed in that depressed funk for much much longer. It did help. It didn't "solve". Even after any heartbreaking event, a breakup, divorce, a death -- I can't tell you how much getting this dog worked for me in easing the pain. But that's just me. Some people find relief and a sense of accomplishment by running marathons to raise funds in order to help cancer research. A few of my friends do this and it seems to not only give them great health, but it gives them quality of life and the awesome ability to help those in need. It helps everyone, including themselves.

My point is: nothing will solve your problems, whether new or old wounds. Things may help the process ease up a tad, but you can't rely on this and that to be the solution to all your problems. Improving your life with exercise, maybe pets, traveling or more hobbies, etc. --- whatever it is that makes you happy is the best way to at least be content with the wounds if they're not resolved. It's a side by side race of who will win first: old wounds vs. healthy distractions. But those who think that all of those things will cure all will be disappointed. I never expect miracles, but I do expect something in my life to ease the pain, whenever it comes up to the surface again...and it will. Because at the end of the day, it's just me and my thoughts. I'm content with that.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter.

7 comments:

A Plain Observer said...

Distractions aid in not sitting around festering more negative thoughts that can hurt oneself or others. However, a wound must run its cycle and some will only heal when we find within ourselves what caused that bacteria that attached to our skin. Once we can cure that, that wound will heal nicely.

Deb said...

Is the "bacteria" another word for closure? You're right though - it's usually unanswered things that leave us still thinking...

The Elephant's Child said...

For me at any rate, these pains/problems/issues don't go away. I just need to find a way to live with them. It may result in my 'inner me' being a different shape, or taking a different journey but you are right at the end of the day I am alone in my head, and I need to learn to be comfortable there.

Shadow said...

to find peace, you need to make peace, with yourself! and all you are, did and became. otherwise you'll chase your tail your entire life and blame every whichever for the bad cards life has dealt you...

the walking man said...

*shrug* A friend without word or warning broke my heart. I am sure it wasn't the first time and I will do all I can to make sure it is the last time. I never forget anything and that is the problem in it all but then time does move one away in space. I don't have any great need to win for I have won already. If I know how to do anything right at all it is live inside of myself comfortably. Closure...you know I never even heard that word until the 90's. what the hell is closure?

Susan said...

I understand this all too well, Deb. Bless you.

lotta joy said...

A furchild lives in the moment. If he's being hurt, his heart cries. If he's being loved, he rejoices. Humans mistakenly live in the past as if life is going to last forever and we have the time to waste.

When I moved to Florida, my husband was amazed that my depression didn't magically evaporate in the new climate/lifestyle.

I had to say "But when I moved, I brought me along"