It Only Comes Off With Bleach

Let me just say one thing before I start to rant: I give so much credit for those who work in the medical field, whether you're an x-ray tech, nurse, doctor or pharmacist --- you are exposed to so much shit. Okay, that was my OCD talking. Yesterday, I collapsed onto the bathroom floor, pants halfway down and all, because I was too weak to actually get up. I had called Mad earlier to tell her to bring me to the ER. My dog was scratching the door crying because she knew something was wrong. I was severely dehydrated and weak. I really didn't know how I was going to make a 30 minute (yes 30 effing minutes) to the hospital when I was umm, going every 10 minutes, but thankfully I made it just in time. When I got to the receptionist counter while Mad was trying to hold me up, the woman looked at me and said, "Stomach virus?" I didn't say a word. How did she know? "Wait right there, all rooms are taken up by the same exact thing." Immediately my OCD kicks in and I wanna get the hell outa' there now. So they rushed me in after five minutes (not bad), and hook me up to the IV of life. They pumped me up with some sort of weird solution. I asked, "What is that?" The nurse explained that it was an anti-vomiting solution. I told her I wasn't vomiting but I think this was for her best interest. Whatever. Then they made me drink a cup of Maalox.

As I'm lying there with a drip, the nurse comes up to me with a rolling computer and starts asking me medical history information in between chats about how her moisturizer isn't working while showing me her hands right in my face. She then starts touching me and talking very closely - totally not scared of whatever it is I had. I asked, "Did you get your flu shot?" She said, "No, I opted out of that. We have the option to not take it." So here she is, touching me and talking to me as if I'm healthy -- or assuming that I am --- all the while not protected herself. I asked, "How do you keep safe from all these germs?" She said she prays. Then the doctor comes in after taking blood tests and tells me that the virus I had is not contagious. It is probably E.Coli or something I ate that gave me this stomach bug. She was explaining that most of the contagious ones, like the Norovirus (and other viruses I couldn't pronounce) need to be cleaned with bleach only. Nothing else will kill the virus. In fact, don't use the restroom after someone with the Norovirus has gone. The particles left in the bathroom (airborne) will get you sick. They are little spores that travel in the air and onto surfaces that aren't killed right away. Again, the only thing that kills them is bleach. So while we're all grabbing antibacterial wipes for our shopping carts and hoping for the best, we're literally screwed.

So now, knowing that I have just a stomach bug from something I ate, I can now panic over the fact that I have been in a place that has the Norovirus and the new and improved flu.

Be clean.

Be safe.

Stay out of the ER!

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