Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Change

There's something to be said for animals sensing your emotional state. I found out Dad wasn't feeling too well. He seems to becoming much weaker. It's very hard to see someone you have always thought as "the strongest man in the world" become weakest person you know. The gradual, perhaps rapid progression of his illness is starting to show, as I denied it while seeing him happy and in no pain for about two weeks straight. When I came home yesterday, I opened the door to the happiest puppy I've ever seen. We ran on the lawn together, I let her play with her toys and then when she got tired, she joined me on the deck to relax. Mommy needed a glass of wine or three. We have an awning (oversized rafter) that extends from the house, so if you sit out on the deck, you can watch the pouring rain and not get wet. I wrapped Lola up in a fuzzy blanket that my niece Sophia gave to her --- (Sophia's baby blanket) which I thought was incredibly sentimental. Lola and I stayed out on the deck for an hour or so. She looked up at me and kept licking my tears as I had a little breakdown moment. She knew I was sad. She then snuggled up to the nape of my neck and slept there for the rest of the hour. Although I was sad, I felt incredibly peaceful with her lying on me, knowing exactly what I was feeling. It was one of the most perfect moments I have had in a very long time.

I realize things are changing and yet part of me is still trying to hold onto everything I ever had, and still have. I guess that would make things worse when I get a rude awakening with each "surprise" circumstance. People try to give all types of advice on handling life's little twists and turns. And one of the advices I got actually worked with adopting Lola. Although there's still chaos around me, she seems to ground me in a way where I don't 'freak out' - or have anxiety attacks. I have never slept so good before. I have never felt my home so full of life before. People used to tell me about it, but I just figured that misery loves company --not true. I'm not saying puppies make everything better, but they certainly help make life seem a bit more doable, even if you take them out to do potty for 20 minutes to only have them run back into your living room to defecate. It's all good.

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4 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

It is astonishing how much holding them, and patting them can help. There is an alpaca owner near me who takes his animals (one at a time) into the hospice. Wonderful for the patients, the staff, the family. Smiles all round at a time when you thought you didn't have any left.
This is such a hard time for you, and I am so glad you have Lola's support.

Deb said...

Thank you.. She has helped a lot in the short time she has been with me. I can see animals being apart of hospice. My dad always smiles when Lola's around... he laughs more so, but that's ok lol....

the walking man said...

Uhhh want the worlds dumbest dog? She'll push your ass out of the bed if you don't give her enough room and will eat everything she thinks is food, which is everything.

Naah wouldn't trade the mutt for the world...stupid is good around here and she is just a little bigger than Lola at 55 pounds.

One thing to look for though seriously Deb is when you buy food, treats and chews DO Not get anything from China...they have (as usual) been sending tainted junk for animals into the country. Just like everything else look for place of manufacture and if it says "Distributed by..." it is Chinese of origin. There are plenty of non Chinese producers of animal "stuff"

Deb said...

Thanks, Mark. You're absolutely right - my blinds have become her playtime treat and she really forgets why she walked into a room --- but I definitely need some of that 'mindless puppy behavior' myself. Seems less stressful. I am making sure she gets quality food and lots of love. I'm against anything that comes from China. Everything is poison practically.