Wednesday, May 23, 2012


There's something to be said for animals sensing your emotional state. I found out Dad wasn't feeling too well. He seems to becoming much weaker. It's very hard to see someone you have always thought as "the strongest man in the world" become weakest person you know. The gradual, perhaps rapid progression of his illness is starting to show, as I denied it while seeing him happy and in no pain for about two weeks straight. When I came home yesterday, I opened the door to the happiest puppy I've ever seen. We ran on the lawn together, I let her play with her toys and then when she got tired, she joined me on the deck to relax. Mommy needed a glass of wine or three. We have an awning (oversized rafter) that extends from the house, so if you sit out on the deck, you can watch the pouring rain and not get wet. I wrapped Lola up in a fuzzy blanket that my niece Sophia gave to her --- (Sophia's baby blanket) which I thought was incredibly sentimental. Lola and I stayed out on the deck for an hour or so. She looked up at me and kept licking my tears as I had a little breakdown moment. She knew I was sad. She then snuggled up to the nape of my neck and slept there for the rest of the hour. Although I was sad, I felt incredibly peaceful with her lying on me, knowing exactly what I was feeling. It was one of the most perfect moments I have had in a very long time.

I realize things are changing and yet part of me is still trying to hold onto everything I ever had, and still have. I guess that would make things worse when I get a rude awakening with each "surprise" circumstance. People try to give all types of advice on handling life's little twists and turns. And one of the advices I got actually worked with adopting Lola. Although there's still chaos around me, she seems to ground me in a way where I don't 'freak out' - or have anxiety attacks. I have never slept so good before. I have never felt my home so full of life before. People used to tell me about it, but I just figured that misery loves company --not true. I'm not saying puppies make everything better, but they certainly help make life seem a bit more doable, even if you take them out to do potty for 20 minutes to only have them run back into your living room to defecate. It's all good.

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