Friday, June 06, 2008

Does It Really Matter?

Most of us tend to focus on the past, dwelling on things that we should have done or that we could have done. We still pick the scabs of the past not giving it a chance to become a faded out scar. It’s true that our past makes us who we are today, but it’s another thing to continue living as a victim. We have a choice: we can either choose to learn from our past mistakes and traumas, or we can relive the past over and over again in our minds each and every day. It’s up to us. Easier said than done… I guess the true key in letting it go, is true forgiveness. Forgiveness goes both ways- not only to the person(s) who hurt you, but forgiveness for yourself as well. I think most of us forget about that. If we can relinquish all of the resentment and anger we store up in our system, we can see much clearer. The fog tends to lift and we can then get a better grip on how to handle our emotions without losing it completely.

It took quite a long time for me to realize this. It actually took two bad breakups, quite a few bottles of vodka and many therapy sessions. Even though I’m a big fan of the “potato juice”, I have to say that the worst thing to do while dealing with somebody who has hurt you is to drink. A lot of rubbish comes out of the pie hole- believe me. I’ve said some things that I would have never said while sober. I’ve even shocked myself in the process while reading some emails that were sent to the “enemy” while under the influence. It was a total different person. “I wrote that?” Delete, delete, delete. But, it’s still in their inbox. For myself, I’m more of an emailing terrorist while arguing with somebody. On the phone however, it’s “real”. Work it out. Try calmness at first. At times, and of course, with the tater juice, it can become brutal. Words have power. It’s up to you whether to use it for good or for bad – no matter how much the other person has hurt you.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. ~Proverbs 15:1

I’m still a ‘work in progress’ here. God’s not done with me yet of course. I think all of the traumatic events and crap we’ve all been through is actually good for us. It helps us learn ‘what not to do’ for the next time around.

A wonderful quote from Thomas Edison: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

I still have many mistakes ahead of me. …I’m sure.


Nancy said...

I am so freakin' happy you are back. I kept checking to see if maybe...just'd write again and refused to take you off my blog faves.

How loyal am I?

BIG OL HUGS. Going out for margaritas tonight with the girls. My eyebrows have had enough torture. Now I get my toes done. :)

~Deb said...

You're the best Nance! Thanks for the warm welcoming. Mmmm, margaritas? And wait - no invite??? Have fun tonight! Nice to see you again! :)

Todd HellsKitchen said...

Old Yiddish expression: "Could have, should have, and a shovel, will dig you a hole..."

~Deb said...

Oy vey! :) Nice to see you Todd! Stay cool over there in Hells Kitchen! It's gonna be a scorcher!

Miss Britt said...

I always say that the WORST time to have a drink is when you "need one".

~Dawn said...

Welcome back!

God grant us the grace to accept our mistakes and the courage to move forward with our learning.

Miss 1999 said...

I'd like to shout out a big "AMEN SISTER!" I spent so many years beating myself up over things that happened in the past-- things I did, and didn't do, but it's over. It took me a long time to realize, it's OVER, and it's time to move on. I, too, am definitely a work in progress! *hugs and love*

Enemy of the Republic said...

Glad you are back, buddy. I'm hoping to visit NY in July and finally see you and Ricardo. You know I took a blogging break to get my shit together; that hasn't happened, but I feel like blogging again. I love that quote by Edison--priceless.

Matt-Man said...

Glad you are back Deb, and your post strikes home in quite the timely fashoin.

My son just recently did a couple of not so good things and I told him the following...

"Yeah, you screwed mad at yourself for a bit, but then, forgive yourself, let it go, and don't let it eat you up."

We can always learn from our mistakes, but we have have to let go of the guilt and self-loathing as well. Cheers Deb!!

~Deb said...

Miss Brit: You’re absolutely right!

Dawn: Thank you… Moving forward with our learning is a hard concept sometimes, isn’t it?

Miss 1999: Hi mama! (Literally!!!) That’s the reason why I’m back blogging. I’ve forgiven and completely let it go. I’ve moved on, which brought back my creative flow. Holding crap in really affects us in many ways. I couldn’t even think! Thanks so much, Christy, and congrats on the new bundle of joy to come!

Enemy: I’m glad to be back, and glad that you’re back as well! Like we’ve always said since we’ve met, we live parallel lives, don’t we? I feel as though ‘I got my shit together’, however, I’m still a crazy wench regardless. That’ll never change. ;) Looking forward to seeing you & Ricardo!

Matt-man: Thanks, Matt. Those words were never told to me. I didn’t have the right type of advise until not too long ago. ”….to forgive yourself, let it go, and don’t let it eat you up” would have been the best thing anybody could have said to me months ago. Your son is very lucky to have you to guide him! Extremely lucky!

Mary said...

Im still fighting the past, and beating myself up over it. Im at a real low right now, and can't get out..If you would like to read my blog I have two pages on depression and what its done to me...thanks for a great blog...Mary

Ricardo said...

Deb if you get enough vodka in me there will be a party monster unleashed. The likes of which the world has never seen or has but is still recovering from the lightning bolts I unleashed.

Well, OK I made a fool of myself but this is not bad for the sake of this post because I know where you're coming from. Yeah many more slip ups are ahead for us all but hopefully we learn a thing or 2from them.