Rose-Colored Glasses

To all the ladies out there: Have you ever thought to yourself after being abrupt with someone or having an emotional moment or two, “Is this a premenopausal episode or am I just a royal bitch on wheels? Especially in times of stress or when you’re going through a very rough period in your life, do you find you’re a bit short-tempered with the people around you? I remember years ago, I put myself in check. I was consciously aware of when I was going to ‘lose it’ and made better choices. It was the time I was writing my first book. I was closer with God, my faith in Christianity, and everything seemed so different as it does today. I admit, sometimes I even have to read my own book in order to put myself in check again. Sounds hypocritical, but I’m learning a lot from my own book - from my own past - to make better choices whenever I’m upset. I've always told my friends when they were either upset or angry with someone to wait 24 hours before responding. Write down what you would have said or done now, and in the morning, write down what you are going to do today. It’s usually completely different scenarios. I should know better, but I backslid a bit into a raging ball of a hormonal mess. Or is it hormonal?

I’m in the process of moving from one home to another. If you have moved before, you know what I’m about to say or can feel the tension already. We’re very fortunate not to have so much to do before moving in, but we have to get contractors to do a couple of needed things before planting ourselves. It’s the little things that are agitating me, as if it were a huge catastrophe. I went through five days of insomnia, because my mind wouldn’t stop ‘detailing’ every single nitpicking thing. Can it be genetic? My mother is a worrywart. In fact, an old friend of mine used to call her “the walking nerve” when we were younger. She fears the small things in life, yet isn’t afraid of the big things in life - the things that “should” be feared. I never understood it...until after my thirties. My obsessive compulsive thoughts would worry about other things, like my health. God forbid my heart rate increased a few notches - off to the ER I went. I became a hypochondriac because of my fears, and with that, came tons of medical bills. I literally gave myself physical ailments just by my thought process alone. The mind is very powerful, so much so, that I even reversed some health issues by faith alone for the better. Sounds strange, but the mind - the capability of having faith to change it is what makes it work.

I’m a very emotional person, as well as a very passionate person. Every detail in life, I obsess over, whether good or bad. I think too much. I overanalyze. Basically, I drive myself crazy - I can’t help it. I also cannot be around those alike. I can’t deal with anyone who deals with life in the same manner I do. How do people deal with me I wonder...? It’s a balance. I need a calm, stable person to be around. Thank God for my wife. She has the stability of a rock and keeps me grounded for the most part. She wears rose-colored glasses, and sometimes I see that as naive, or perhaps a flaw - but when I really think about it, I wish I had her outlook on life. She sees everything with a positive spin. I see everything as aggravating and when I hit a few speed bumps in the road, I go nuts. She remains calm. It’s the perfect balance...but is it for her? She has the patience of an angel, while I blow my cork over a slight change in the weather. She accepts things ‘as is’, while I try to manipulate and change it. How did I get this way? Again, I can blame it on my mother, my genetics, my circumstances or maybe, I should just blame it on poor decision making. If I have no patience, how can I possibly wait it out 24 hours before responding?

So, with all that being said, the other day I prayed and meditated. It was hard. I’m a little rusty these days, so getting back into meditating was quite difficult to say the least. I remember someone once telling me that whenever I’m stressed out and can’t sleep, to write all of the things that are on my mind that may be possible factors for my insomnia. So I grabbed my little notebook full of scribbles of biblical passages that have once helped me or something I have come across to remind me that there is a God. I opened it up and came across a passage: “Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank God for His answers.” Philippians 4:6

My "I Need" List:
Less worry
Less negative thinking
Less anxiety attacks
Less depression
Better health
Better attitude
More courage
Less fear
More love

That same night, I slept like a baby. I’m trying to deal with stress differently. There was another scribble in my notebook that was something my sister had said to me, possibly a quote: “If we change the way we look at things - the world changes around us.”

I guess my wife has the right idea. I’m heading out to pick up a few rose-colored glasses - “a few” -just in case I break one out of frustration. Wish me luck...

‎"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere." ~Glenn Turner
(I just have to keep reminding myself of this.)

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