Our 12th Anniversary?

Gracefulness is not a word I would use to describe my girlfriend Madelene. Although she is a beautiful woman with feminine qualities, she has this certain abruptness about her approach. As I mentioned before in another blog, she bruises herself frequently from just walking into walls. No, she’s not a drunk—she’s a bit clumsy.

This morning she wakes up around 6am to prepare for work. For the most part, she stays within the bathroom to get ready. Today, she was galloping all over the house like a trapped horse. She works for a car dealership, and whenever it snows, they make them all wear work boots and heavy gear so they can clean off the cars. All I could hear while I was all comfy in the bedroom under the covers was, “Ga-ThumP! Ga-ThumP! Ga-ThumP!" Back and forth on the hard wood floors. She usually makes a few trips back into the house because she forgot something, but today it was different.

Ga-ThumP! Ga-ThumP! Ga-Thump!

Of course I got up to investigate why she’s trotting all over the place like a stallion in heat. It took so much effort to get up off that bed. I was so warm, under a huge goose down comforter, piled on with two extra blankets. The heat was on full blast, and I felt like I was back in mama’s womb. Yes—I’m working this out with the shrink—stop worrying.

“Hey.” I mutter out.
“Good morning sweetie!” Madelene says, as she corners me in the hallway, while I try to make my way into the bathroom.
“Yeh—good morning.” I start chuckling, thinking she is absolutely nutty at this point.
“Good morning honey!!!” She says, all excited.
“What’s wrong with you?” I ask, laughing at her bizarre behavior.
“Happy anniversary baby!” She blurts out as she hugs me tight.


“Yeah! Happy anniversary!” I said back to her. What the hell am I going to do? Wait—I can go to the store real quick today since she is working and pick her up something---shit---wait, I forgot---I don’t have a card for her. I didn’t wake up on time to prepare her breakfast. What a lousy girlfriend I am!

As she lets go of her firm grip, she still has me entangled in her embrace, now looking at me. Lovely. I have pillow marks all over the side of my face, my pony tail is now cocked to one side of my head, and my eyes are squinted to little slits—eyelashes stuck together from God knows what. Sexy, huh?

I look over, past her shoulder into the living room, and notice a dozen red roses and a beautiful card sitting there. Now I feel like a pile of manure. What has happened to me? I used to be the most romantic person. I never forgot an anniversary—ever! I always sent flowers to her job, surprised her with a piece of jewelry that she never would wear anyway-- or even write love songs to her. Now? I’m like this big fat football loving man who only cares about his beer and wings. Have I become what I've truly tried to get away from all my life?

You know what’s really strange? This morning---like 3am I had this dream. I went to the local jewelers (who I happen to know), and bought Madelene this amazing diamond bracelet. As odd as this dream sounds, the jewelry store also had a bar. How convenient! Get drunk enough to buy your sweetie something expensive. It was such a fun dream. Anyway, in my dream, the woman placed this beautiful diamond tennis bracelet in this flat square box, with a padded lock on it. No I didn’t hit the lotto—it was a dream for the love of God!

Forget the dream for now. The reason why I am posting this story is because I need your advice. What can I do for her? I’m trying to think of something more creative than buying jewelry that she never wears, or purchasing another set of roses that are piled upon my coffee table.

I need your input!