Wednesday, June 12, 2013
With certain people in my life, my "indifference" is usually based upon fear if they have verbally attacked me in a vicious way. I forgive, but the forgetting part I'm having a hard time with. I will always greet them and be cordial to them, but my behavior, my entire personality is a little different. I can't help it. I can't be the same person to that someone who had beaten me up so violently with mere words, especially someone I cared about. I'm afraid it'll happen again. I feel like a rescue dog when you try to pet their head. I cower with fear. I'll play with you a little, fetch the ball a few times, but I will never get close to you again. There's no "stability" in the once friendship/relationship. With this very issue, I turned to my spirituality and prayed about it so many times I can't even count. I even took out the Bible and came across a few scriptures that totally explained my feelings and my situation.
"Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow." -Proverbs 25:18
"Putting confidence in an unreliable person is like chewing with a toothache or walking on a broken foot." -Proverbs 25:19
"It's harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars." -Proverbs 18:19
There's also this one scripture that I cannot find (maybe you know it). It says that arguments will not end a friendship or relationship, it's when you insult their character that breaks the tie. Once you attack someone on a personal level, it sticks. It's engraved in the mind forever. So technically, it is completely out of my control to be the same person I used to be with those who have insulted me or had verbally beaten me up. I feel as though, if that person doesn't make a conscious effort to make it known that they'll never hurt me like that again, or at least shows their sincerity, how can I ever fully trust that person again? So, I remain indifferent for now. And that's so not like me at all.
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