Thursday, May 06, 2010

When We Were "Us". . .

About a year ago, I had written a post, entitled, “Don’t Cry”. I was speaking about how when I used to cry over my heart being broken, my mom would come into my room and plead to me, “Don’t cry mama - don’t cry, please!” I know she wasn’t downgrading the emotional torture I was going through, it was just that it killed her to see me so sad. As I’ve written about my mom’s proverbs that she obtained from her prayer & meditation, she wrote down this one: “My heart cries, when your soul aches.” Within her prayer, this is what God had spoken to her. Isn’t that what God does - the same thing our parents try to do? God doesn’t want us to be sad - He wants us to be full of joy, but being human, that isn’t possible all the time, which is why we need Him so much. The same goes for our parents: they want us to be filled with joy 24/7. God, like our parents, want the best for us, and seeing us sad makes them sad. At the same time, God and our parents are stronger for us, when we’re at our weakest. I know my mom was strong for me when I was crying. She comforted me, even went as far as putting raw slices of potatoes on my eyelids because they were so puffy and made me hot tea. It worked.

“Turn your back from anger, and your face toward God.” --Mom

Another proverb from my mom that is challenging to do, yet it’s the smartest option. As in my previous post, by choosing to stay out of the friendship that had taken a turn for the worse, it would be unhealthy for me to stay, not only because this person has hurt me numerous times, which always can be forgiven, but because I get too angry. I am a very forgiving person, but after way too many times of being offended and getting hurt, I have to step back because I know for myself, I am not perfect and in the midst of anger, I can become hurtful too. I don’t want to hurt anyone, so the smartest choice for me is to pull back. I’m still under construction and once my maturity level is complete or I have gained more wisdom through God, my experiences and yeah, even mom ---then maybe I can forgive seventy times seven times and yet, still hang in there. Right now, I’m not spiritually mature enough to do that. Everyone deserves to be forgiven, but sometimes it’s not about the other person, it’s about the person that was offended not having the strength to hold in their anger.

Just as the bible states: "And if your hand or your foot is a cause of trouble, let it be cut off and put it away from you: it is better for you to go into life with the loss of a hand or a foot than, having two hands or two feet, to go into the eternal fire."

Meaning: if anything causes you to sin, take it out of your life. Of course you still want your hand and foot, but if it causes you to keep sinning (or getting angry) - whichever sin you are facing ---then cut it off. So because of my own weaknesses, this is why I “seem to be” not forgiving my friend, but in reality, I DO forgive her - I just don’t trust myself. Maybe she’s reading this right now and perhaps, she understands this a bit better than just lashing out and calling me names and accusing me of this & that & the other thing. After her words this morning realizing her emails, phone calls weren’t being reciprocated she sent me this message: “Try as hard as you like Deb... but you won't get rid of me that easily” --I hope this blog post may defuse her anger.

“A gentle word is like the sea in the morning.” -Mom

I wish her nothing but health, love, happiness and perhaps, some wonderful memories of when we were “us”.