Saturday, November 08, 2008

My "Lovahhhhh" - So Wrong On So Many Levels

Tell me if I’m wrong. I have a hard time addressing Madelene as, “my wife”. No, I don't have regrets about marrying her, but when I’m bringing up Madelene in a conversation, I keep referring to her as my girlfriend or partner. Wife just doesn’t slip out of my mouth easily. I just keep thinking of how people will react to “wife” as opposed to girlfriend or partner. Girlfriend or partner is more understandable to most of the mainstream peeps, so it makes the conversation a bit easier. Then again, there are people who highly disagree with me (Madelene mostly) and feel that “wife” should be addressed in any circumstance. I'm just finding through my own experience with using "wife", that it confuses people a great deal. I guess it doesn't matter, right?

Funny and true story… One day Madelene and I were walking inside our local bank making some deposits. She suggested that we make the deposit in one account and was generous enough to pile it all in mine, so the teller says, “Oh, someone else is making transactions for you today, Debra? Is this your sister or friend?” I just gave her a blank stare through my huge sunglasses and said, “No, she’s my partner.” She then gleams over at Madelene and asks, “Oh, nice! What type of business are you gals in?” See? The word “partner” is just as confusing too. Is it business or pleasure? Who knows? Who cares?!! The worst label in my opinion is, “lover”. I absolutely detest people calling their girlfriends, boyfriends or partners, “lovers”.

“My lovahhhhh…”

Ew. No. It doesn't flow.

People keep asking me how I feel now that I’m married. “How’s the married life treatin’ ya?” It feels absolutely the same only with a bigger ring. (?) I get the questionable ‘should you have taken this step so soon’ look and give them the good ol’ ‘I’ve been with her for 14 fricken years’ look back. But all kidding aside, I do want to say that my ceremony was so special to me and giving her my vows on that day was something I have dreamt about for many years. It brought our relationship to a new level and it feels wonderful. We’ve always had a great friendship and relationship as well as little and big bumps along the road, but it feels as though we’ve gone through so much of the bullshit and bypassed a lot of things that many couples would have given up on already. So, I’m grateful that Madelene has stuck it out with me. She never gave up on me even when I was being a huge jerk---and I do admit to that. She has been such a great support system even when she didn’t have to be. I’ve been realizing that when you truly, deeply love somebody, you never give up on them. You take them ‘as is’ and love them regardless…and for who they are and not what they did in the past. Forgiveness, understanding and communication have played a huge roll in our relationship…and now in our marriage.

I know I’m not perfect by a long shot, but what we have now is so much better than what we ever had. I guess with all that being said, it’ll be easier calling her “my wife”. Soon enough, the angry little hetero religious monsters will be voting against gay marriage and our union will no longer be legal, however - no one can take away the love that we have for one another in our hearts. Vote away - we’ll still be here happy as clams or should I say, lovahhhhs!