Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Question That Had to Be Answered

Each morning when I open my email, I’m surprised to see so many of you who read my blog and email me with comments and questions. There are more people who ‘lurk’ instead---and that’s okay. When I first started this blog, I never got a comment and never received an email from people who read my posts. Sometimes, I open up my mail, to find thirty to fifty emails waiting to be opened from loyal readers. These people are usually the 'lurkers' who do not comment. Different questions or comments can range from various topics. Some ask me about my ‘mental disorders’ and if they are real, some ask me about my lesbian lifestyle and if I have ever been with a man, others ask me about my family life and upbringing. Most ask me, “Is this all true?” The answer is, yes.

Each post is disgustingly all truth. Sometimes I even have to ask my family members, “Is this okay to post?” I have other people asking, “Why do you display your life out on the net?” To me, my life is a comedy. I always told my family, if I ever got a deal where someone would want to make my life into a movie, I would go for it right away. I mean, the irony of being raised in an Italian family in New York that consists of organized crime, drinking problems, mental illnesses and the youngest daughter (me) being a lesbian—it has to be a comedy. If I can’t laugh at myself, I’m going to be one miserable person. I’m sure my beautiful sisters would be worried about ‘who’ would be playing their characters. Women can be so catty.

This morning I got an interesting email from a friend and blogger named Bryan. He always has interesting questions for me—and he’s always respectful about his approach. He asked me what were my views on “Deb’s Mini Poll”—“Do you think gay & lesbian couples should have the right to get married ‘legally’?”

I’m all for civil unions. I do believe the concept of ‘marriage’ goes back to biblical times and should be held sacred for a man and woman to create a family. I’m not saying that homosexual couples cannot have a family. Of course they can. I just feel it should be set up in a different arena. I think they should have rights as far as protecting possessions in case one partner should pass away. It’s important that the community has the same opportunities to make their commitment ‘official’ and have similar benefits as heterosexual marriages; however, we should recognize what’s being lenient, and what’s being too lenient in the matter of holy matrimony.

This brings me to another topic. Gay and lesbian cults. I should better reference that to, gay and lesbian groups, who only have one opinion, for a number of 200+ people. They gather in large groups; and yet, criticize others for their lifestyle. For instance, if you’re bi-sexual, you’re an abomination to ‘their community’. I’ve seen this happen so many times. Being bi-sexual is yet—“another preference”—just as being homosexual is. I’ve found numbers of these gay communities bashing bi-sexual people---yet the gay and lesbian community want to be accepted so badly by society? Some seem so hypocritical to me. Do we have to place a gender on our love for someone? Is that the rule? If we say we’re ‘a lesbian’, does it mean that we’ll 100% no doubt, end up with a woman when we’re old and gray? There are no guarantees who we’ll end up with. Why put rules and regulations upon love?

There’s another group forming in my community called, “The Orange Pride Group”. I referenced to them once before on a previous post. They hold events such as pot luck dinners, poker night, bowling night, and other miscellaneous activities. They recently just emailed me asking my partner and me to join them in a New Year’s Eve bash. The only problem with this is, I like to spend it with my straight friends as well. It seems to me like these women want nothing to do with the heterosexual world whatsoever. I understand they want to form a group that is dedicated for the rights of the gay and lesbian community, but to congregate only with your own kind seems redundant to me. It’s almost as if they’re hiding out.

I feel more accepted by the heterosexual community than I do with the gay & lesbian community. I don’t fit their stipulations. I was once told that I was not a “real lesbian”. Well tell me then, what is a real lesbian? Yes, I have dated men in the past, and yes, I do wear make up and do my hair, but does this categorize me or set a permanent label on my forehead? It seems so unfair. When they ask me, if I’m a “real lesbian”, I tell them to ask my partner of twelve years. She’ll tell you. In fact, I don’t even like to be labeled.

Then you have lesbians who are ‘man haters’. Oh how I despise that. I mean, think about it—how the hell did you get on this earth in the first place? As soon as a man approaches them in a bar or in another forum, they simply withdraw and give them a nasty attitude. They go on automatic defense mechanism to ward off this male specimen as a friend. To not even consider a heterosexual man as a friend??? Yet again, another prejudice—and they want to be accepted in society? If they don’t start acting like ‘humans’—no, they’ll never be accepted in society. Respect and love for all is needed, in order to get along with anyone. Do you disagree with that?
Another beef I have with the lesbian community is the ‘gay advertising’. The amount of gay pride bumper stickers, rainbow rings dangling off their necks and pink triangles on their t-shirts are utterly effusive. Now, here’s an interesting scenario…What if straight people walked around with t-shirts saying, “Proud to Be Straight?” If a heterosexual had a bumper sticker that read, “Straight Pride”, would that offend some gay and lesbians? Sure it would. These ‘in your face’ attitudes are what separates us.

I want to thank my friend Bryan for the thought provoking question that stimulated this post for today. I also want to tell all of you how much I appreciate the feedback---even the ones who ~lurk~ and don’t comment; yet throw me an email to share your thoughts. I didn’t realize that so many of you were out there reading my blabber. Please feel free to email me anytime you have a question or concern. If I don’t respond right away, I definitely will get back to you within a couple of days. All questions and comments will be kept anonymous.

Thank you.

48 comments:

Bhakti said...

I lOVE your blog. I would have been here on day one if I had known about it!!! :)

Have you seen the movie Treading Water?? It's not the best in the world, but Nina Landey is *blushing* adorable!

~Deb said...

Thank you bhakti, I appreciate that. You know---I bought my friend that movie, because I knew it was her favorite. I never heard of it before she told me about it. I didn't care for it much, however, yes, Nina Landey is very adorable.

Lisa said...

Deb, your amazing!! Once again you've managed to put into words almost everything I think...in such a kind, caring, diplomatic, articulate way that I think I'm in LOVE with you!!

Ok...Lets be honest. I mean everyword of the first part of that statement. You are an incredibly gifted writer and personally I think you should be writing a book. But sadly, I'm not actually in love with you. At this point.....
.
.
.
.
.
. It's just LUST....hehehehe

{{{{{Hugs}}}}
Lisa

lurker_in_ny said...

I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and found you to be quite open minded with a lot of sensitive issues. This one sure takes the cake! I’m impressed w/your pov and outlook of what others see from the outside looking in on the gay & lesbian community. Bravo!

DSMars said...

I could not have said it better myself, Deb. These are the issues that bother me, not only with the gay/lesbian community but with every counter-culture and clique I've ever encountered. This includes, punks, people of specific religions, people of color, political groups, goths, you name it. Groups that demand their members give up their individuality are only grasping at straws to make themselves feel they are better than the rest of the world or at least a different shade of normal. They are trying to validate their existance by creating divisions.

The general interests section of my MySpace profile says,"Anything out of the norm that doesn't take too much effort on my part. I'm just not motivated enough to impress anyone with my compliance to their chosen lifestyle." I also say elsewhere on the web,"Black sheep, white sheep I don't care. I don't like sheep. Think for yourself." I can't stand people who think they are being non-conformists by conforming to a different clique.

Bhakti said...

Okay--I just read the entire post and want to comment: I remember when I lived in NYC (1987-2001) I used to be SO happy walking around Christopher Street and seeing the rainbow flags and I especially LOVED the store Don't Panic! I think I liked the Don't Panic store and it's items because they weren't as 'in your face'...I think people who weren't gay wouldn't necessarily know what 'Don't Panic' meant, but other gays could be recognized through the logo.

I think--especially since moving to NJ!!!!--that the rainbow flag is a bit important, just so you know what kind of establishment you are entering (For example, there's this wonderful coffee house called Uncommon Grounds that welcomes everyone--gays, straight, crooked, etc.), but it's just nice knowing that it's OKAY to be OUT in that place.

Does any of this make sense?? or am I just rambling?

As far as putting a bumper sticker on my car...I wouldn't do that. Like you, I don't like to be labeled and shoved in a box. I've always been told that I'm an anomaly (withe regards to my entire personality), so don't label me. Like this discussion I had with someone on another blog: I believe that women should have equal rights and equal pay, but I don't call myself a feminist.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it sounds like we are on the same page: we're humanists first, then lesbians. Well, and I'm also a chocoholic, but that's a totally different rant.

Sorry for this long comment! but your blog is such a breath of fresh air...because your blog is about YOU first, and you just happen to be a lesbian. That's really cool.

Wenchy said...

Hey.... I never knew it was okay to ask QUESTIONS dammit!

Leesa said...

~Deb: I really like this post. I am not a big gay pride person, and I sort of understand the thoughts behind those who are. But they sort of turn off some of the mainstream people who were not for or against gay/lesbian unions to begin with.

Have you seen the demonstration where someone pushes on someone else's hands. The natural instinct is to push back. Covey talks similarly about arm wrestling - where if you work together, based on the rules, you get paid more by letting each other win again and again. It seems that we are hard-wired to give resistance. That, to me, is the danger of embracing gay pride with an "in your face" attitude.

Peace!

And you are one of my favs, sweetie.

Heather B. said...

I must say, I enjoy your blog as well and I'm with you on being labled, can't stand it.

Anonymous said...

A total breath of fresh air! Sometimes I’m intimidated to comment on a lesbian’s blog. With Deb, she’s not “the lesbian”, she’s the woman who has other many qualities. She’s a great friend for one, she’s a good daughter, a great sister, and a wonderful spouse to her girlfriend. There’s so much more to a person than just their preference in sexuality.

Thanks for your candidness! (G.P.)

Mike said...

I simply look at it as this is a blog I enjoy immensely wrote by a woman who happens to be a lesbian.

Your posts are always well thought out and thought provoking. I feel you are someone I could sit with for hours discussing a multitude of topics.

Merry Christmas!!

Tara-raboomdeay said...

Hey Country Mouse!

You may be able to help me with a problem. My license was recently revoked by the LLB (Lesbian Licensing Board). I was informed that acceptance of a Lesbian License means forfeiting certain rights & privileges such as:

-right to choose political affiliation; no Republicans such as myself accepted, not even Mary Cheney
-right to religious freedom: I'm a Roman Catholic; big no no
-right to hold a Lesbian AND stock broker's license -no capitalist pigs allowed
-right to have a few drinks with my buddies after work that contain liquor
-right to hold a Bloomingdale's charge card and frequent the Clinique counter

I was also fined for the following actions:
-proposed in my building that any tenant owning more than 2 cats be charged double rent
-planned to cancel ShoTime before the premiere of the 3rd season of the L Word
-refused to don rainbows and/or plaid lumberjack shirts

I might be in some serious trouble. I could be banned from all Lesbian social events and establishments without a license. What do you advise??

Licenseless Lez

Alex said...

"They gather in large groups; and yet, criticize others for their lifestyle."

I may be the most WASA (white Anglo-Saxon agnostic) heterosexual male between the ages of 18 and 64 on the planet, but I still don't understand what right one person has to tell another that his/her lifestyle is inappropriate.

Perhaps I've spent too much time at uni, and have been brainwashed into the diversity cult, but I have this nagging question at the back of my mind when I read such tripe: "who the @#$% cares what other people do, provided they aren't hurting anyone?"

Then again, I am constantly harrassed for telling sexist and/or off-color jokes on my blog. I guess being open to the beliefs and customs of others is a one-way street. =)

BTW, you have a beautiful personality, regardless what the closed-minded people have to say. You actually remind me a lot of Bhakti, who is a paragon of compassion.

Genna said...

Deb,

I love your blog. You are an inspiration to us all. And I love the fact that you are so personable. You don't just sit here and comment on whats on your mind, but you go further... You follow our trails and reach out TO US. You are an amazing writer and an amazing woman!! Thank you so much!! :)

Oswald Croll said...

I have been equally confused by this in the past as well. I thought maybe it was because I am not gay and just don't understand the culture, mores or actions. But you seem a bit confused by what Lesbian consider true lesbians.

When did being a lesbian become synonymous with hate, exclusionary behavior, judging, etc. It seems to go agains much of what I thought being gay would be founded on? More, it seems to reflect a lot of the bigoted thoughts towards gays. I never understood it.

NOT TO SAY I think all gays think this way, I know the friends I have don't. I guess it just confuses me when I come across people like the ones mentioned in your post. Telling you what REAL LESBIANS ARE.....? That's nerve, speaking for a whole culture and all.

I thinks it's similar to some of the attitudes I encounter in college. One of my best friends was black and part of the Black Caucus. I went to some of their activities to be supported, but sometimes found small groups within to be distant and unwilling to accept non-blacks. I thought this weird. Iunderstand the principles of the Black Caucus are to teach black people to be proud of their heritage, to embrace it and to help promote it and pave the way for future black generations. But I would think that message has tones of harmony, desegregation, etc. My friend works so hard to put race aside and just accept people for who they are, yet some in the organization seeme to want to promote the "us against them" attitude. I would expect the opposite, and while the majority of the people I met worked towards racial harmony, I was always confused by those who didn't seem to want it. Who wanted nothing to do with anyone but their "own kind" as they put it.

To be fair, I have seen this in all racial and ethnic classes. I myself being part Italian, Russian and SPanish have seen it in my culture(s) and even in my family. Well, each to his/her own, but sometimes it seems we are fighting ourselves.

Anyways, loved the post, made me think.

~Deb said...

I appreciate all your comments very much! I go with intentions of not trying to offend other people, but sometimes it does happen. I always get the 'anonymous emailer’ who tends to disagree, and that’s perfectly fine. So I do want to address that.

I really want to emphasize my thoughts about gay & lesbian organizations---as well as other cultured groups. Regarding the Orange Pride Group, they’re all very nice people, don’t get me wrong. Some of the people in that group are amazing women. However, I have seen and witnessed a percentage of these women are against bi-sexual and women who ‘look’ bi-sexual or straight. So I am not speaking for every single one of them.

Another reason why I am so discouraged by most of these gay & lesbian groups, is because they think that in order to be homosexual, you *must* be a democrat. I may have been born a homosexual, but my political views weren’t created at birth. Who are they to dictate to me what I should believe in? It’s even the same with religion. “Well, how can you be Christian and a lesbian at the same time?” I love Jesus—that’s why. And, that’s “my choice”…I feel sometimes these groups want to brainwash you to being some extreme liberal atheist with no acceptance towards anyone who is different than what they’re familiar with.

My question is---why can’t they just let other people ‘be’? Why do we have to lean left, or lean right in order to be accepted anywhere? Can’t we just shut our mouths in the political arena and get to know one another as a person?

Someone recently made a comment to me saying, “Oh your “Bushie” is now tapping civilian phone lines now.” My Bushie? This is why, sometimes I’m even almost embarrassed over my own community when they get too abrasive in that aspect. They’re full of hate. That’s something I don’t want to be around.

Sorry this was so long—but due to my numerous emails from other lesbians who were outraged by this post, I had to comment about that.

Thanks again for the encouraging comments and feedback. I really do appreciate it.

Happy Holidays!
(Was that politically correct?) Ugh.

SignGurl said...

Deb~ You are dead on again. Thanks for this refreshing post that makes me feel like it's ok for me to think that "in your face" homosexuality is abhorent.

I feel that we are all looking for acceptance for who we are. Whether we are fat, skinny, black, white or homosexual, we look to others to gain approval for who we are. I am much more accepting of something new if it is presented in a non-threatening way.

The other issue of being a Republican is a tricky one. I find myself not being true to who I am here on Blogger because I stay out of political talk for fear of reprisal. I am a die hard Republican who was born and raised so. My family is involved in politics and has been for many years. It's hard to give my views here in Blogland and in real life because people are so vehement about President Bush.

I admire your candor.

Bhakti said...

I, too, love Jesus...I have since I was a very young child. The love I feel for Him, and vice versa, is beyond the intellect. We are all made in the image of God.

All hatred is born of fear. If people would learn to love themselves, and realize that happiness comes from within (in other words, if people would take responsibility for their own happiness rather than blaming others for their lack of it) then this would be a fine Utopia. Until then, I will continue to visit your loving blog. I'm so glad I found you, Deb! You are a wonderful person. :)

Enjoy your crab cakes...er...wait, you can't eat the stuff! Nonetheless, Happy Holidays!!

Bhakti

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Tellya what ~deb, THAT may be one of the best Posts I've ever seen in regardz to the whole "alternative-lifestyle" issue..Personally, I could care less whether yer a lesbian, Republican, Neurotic, Christian, dwarf or whatever...I DO know this much..by ANY definition..You're one helluva PERSON...and if yer amazed at the number of lurkers, e-mailers, comments and profile hits on yer blog...I get the feelin' ...ya ain't seen nuthin' yet...Again, that wuz exceptionally well-put...Thanx.


The Stevo in H-Town

Anne West said...

Just found your blog and I think its awesome and you're a great writer.


Anne

The Stevo in H-Town said...

I wuz so impressed widdit, that I didda blog on ya...First dib's on bein' yer Agent...

tyatyavm,
Col Tom Parker

Lisa said...

Deb, ok, serious comment on your post instead of the silly one I did before. I think I'm really avoiding serious issues right now because of the holidays...

Deb, I think your post was amazing. I've only been in contact with you for a short time, but already I think of you as a friend. You are someone that I would like to know better simply because you come across as so human in your writing. Kind, thoughtful, candid, and truly generous of spirit. (with a heck of a humorous side) You share yourself with us through your posts...you put yourself out there. I never feel that your really asking for anyones approval nor that are you passing judgement on anyone that doesn't do it your way.

It's not even relevent whether I agree with the things you say because you say them in such a forthright, non-judgemental way that someone would have to really work at being offended by it.

Even if I had an issue with your sexuality or any other aspect of you, there are so many other things about you to love and respect.It would be like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Thank you for allowing me into your live vis-a-vis your blogging. You are a gift like none other in this world of chaos.

Merry Christmas,

Lisa

Bhakti said...

Don't mean to be a pest--I have been housebound for 5 months, though!!--I just saw the pilot for The L Word. What are your thoughts on this Showtime program? And, would you prefer these types of 'off topic of post' questions be referred to your email address?

~Deb said...

Signgurl: You’re smart for staying out of the political side of things on your blog- only because there are such extremists on either side. I sometimes dabble into my political views- but it’s really not necessary most of the time. Thank you for your comment!

Bhakti: Happiness definitely starts within ourselves. I truly believe that. I think that if we aren’t happy with who we are and if we are uncomfortable in our own skin, then how are we going to accept anyone else---if we can’t even accept ourselves? Great point!

Stevo: I have to add dwarf in that list of disabilities of mine. (hehe) I SO appreciate your comment and how open-minded you are. I was more surprised seeing the number of these interesting people emailing me with questions and anonymous comments more than anyone. In fact, I was a bit shocked and taken back. I also want to thank you for making a tribute of me on your blog for today! That’s so cool- I’m so flattered!

Anne: Thanks a lot! I hope you come back and visit!

Lisa: It means a lot that you wrote that. I really am an opinionated person, but I also like to see myself open-minded too. I change my mind quickly as well---just as any of my friends… I think you’re a wonderful new friend, and I’m happy that I met you through here.

Bhakti: Going stir crazy? (hehe) The L Word. Well, guilty as charged---my girlfriend and I watch it faithfully. The issue I have with The L Word is that I feel they don’t give a realistic view upon the gay & lesbian community. And why do I say that? For one, most of the women on that show are super feminine. That’s okay, because I can relate---because my girlfriend and I are feminine women ourselves…the thing is…most of the cast are super feminine---except for Shane. To me, and from what I see from day-to-day, Shane is more ‘real’. They have to mix it up a tad. We’re “all” different, and it just seems as though they want to draw all crowds in—straight/gay/bi, and that’s alright…I just think showing a good glimpse of what it’s like to live in Greenwich Village would have a more interesting appeal, rather than set it up in Beverly Hills. Is that where it’s set up? I know it’s somewhere in CA. Even San Francisco would set a better stage for them. Then again—tis only “my” opinion. I’m still a big fan of that show.

Bhakti said...

Shane is my favorite looking character on the show!! ;)

I don't think it gives a realistic portrayal of the community either. At least the NYC, NJ community (although I'm just finding a 'communitiy' in NJ!)

I'm curious to see where the show goes, in terms of the plot. Again, I've only seen the pilot.

Thanks for your reply!

Bhakti said...

One of your readers asked why I am housebound. I had a triple fusion in my cervical spine. Just call me the new and improved Bionic Woman!!

~Deb said...

I never even heard of a 'triple fusion' before. Sounds much like a coffee at Starbuck's! Wow, sorry to hear you went through that. Are you okay? Will you recover soon?

I had back problems for the past couple of months which left me going stir crazy because I couldn't even move. Chiropractors and a little reiki didthe trick...But yours sounds so much more involved.

Hope you feel better!

Casually Me said...

I'm against pride of all sorts. Lions that form a pride, kill em I say. False pride, vengeful pride, make up pride, even just pride because. No more pride I say. I don't want anyone to be proud of anything ever again. No more. It has to stop. Can we please go back to my Catholic upbringing and feel guilt for all our actions, real or imagined? Love your blog.

~Deb said...

See? That's just it!

"PRIDE" Doesn't that sound so arrogant? I mean, to have 'pride'; to be 'proud'. It sounds so conceited. I'd rather be considered as 'humble' than to have pride.

As far as the Catholic guilt---ugh----I can't tolerate that either!

Thanks for pointing that out--I appreciate it!

Bhakti said...

Actually, a chiropractor made my back worse when I was younger (didn't know discs were involved). Just the other day, a blogger friend of mine did Reiki on me (while she was at her house and I in mine). It was beautiful. I have a strong background in meditation (can you tell from my blog!!), so I was very receptive to her loving prayers.

Yes, I will be getting better soon. It's just a very long recovery (I have a four inch titanium plate in my neck with 8 screws). It's kinda cool looking in the X-rays. I had a WILD crush on the bionic woman when I was a kid...guess I kinda turned into her! :)

Speaking of the bionic woman, it pains me that she'e been reduced to selling Sleep Number Beds!!! (#35, to be exact).

Remind me to tell you about my Bionic Woman Doll story sometime. It's kinda funny.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

No prob ~deb, in fact my pleasure...Besides, puttin' you inna post could be construed az self-serving...after all, I'm boundta get more hitz....


truly
Sikh O'Fant

Miss 1999 said...

Deb- you're so right. First, I want to say you've been a great inspiration. You know me best as the writer of "Chloe' Gardner". Well due to many problems in rt, the creative process came to a screeching halt. I'm having to get real, and deal with real life. You've had so much courage sharing your life and the things you go through on a daily basis- that you and many others have inspired me to "get it out"- get rid of the hurt and pain, share it, and go on.

As for what you were saying about the "gay/lesbian cults", I totally agree! My best friends are a gay couple. Two people I love more than anything in this world. They're gay. Period. Their lives don't revolve around making a big deal of the fact that they have a different lifestyle than I do with my husband. We're all four people. People- that's the main thing.

Justin thought it was a scream after I kept seeing all of the "Gay Pride" bumper stickers and such, I told him, I was going to make a t-shirt and write "Straight is Great" on it, just for controversy, while he walked beside of me wearing a "I'm not gay, my boyfriend is", and my friend Alicia *who is a lesbian*, walked on the other side of me with her t-shirt saying "I'm not a lesbian, my girlfriend is". We just wanted to do it to see how many people we could piss off for being of different walks of life, yet loving each person just the same.

I applaud you for the way you life your life and who you are- don't ever change! *Hugs* Christy

Nikki Jo said...

I really do enjoy reading your blog. You always give me something to think about with your posts, I just don't always comment because I don't know what to say.

I have a girlfriend who is gay, but usually when we hang out, it's in straight bars. I don't know why, but it just ends up that way. I know she goes to gay bars and clubs, so maybe she's trying to spare me something? We've been friends for 3 years or so and I've only been to 1 gay bar/club with her. It's wierd, because she knows I don't care where we go, as long as I can have a few drinks and possibly dance. But whenever we are deciding where to go, every place she mentions is straight. Maybe the challenge is more fun for her, I don't know, but with what you said about acceptance, it kinda makes me wonder if that's how she feels? Hmm...interesting.

Thanks for another thought provoking post!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Thanks for another interesting and well-written post, hon! I appreciate the time, honesty, and thought that goes into these. I've never thought to email you, but WOW! 50 emails??? Yeesh!!!

Walking Contradiction said...

UUUUUUMMMMMMMM............


If you eat pussy, and you are female, you are in fact a real lesbian.

Unless you like cock, then you are a bisexual.

About as easy as it gets, right??????

I say, whatever floats your boat!!!!!!! What you do is YOUR business.

Walking Contradiction said...

And yes, Starbucks will soon be serving "triple fusion".

Oh yeah, you heard me!

Jon said...

I don't have too many gay friends. I tend to think it is either because I don't know they are gay or they avoid most straight people altogether. It also has to do with the fact that I live in a VERY conservative town.

I had a gay female friend many years ago, the wasn't too out with her choice. Most of us knew, but we worked for a government contractor on a military base back in the mid 80s. Things were not as accepted way back when.

Crystal was a great lady. She treated eveyone much like you do Deb. One night a friend of mine and I were at the dog track and we ran into Crystal and her partner. Crystal didn't avoid us. She came over and said hi and introduced her girlfriend. Her girlfriend DID NOT like her talking to us. We joked around for a minute, then her girlfriend got all huffy about something and pulled her aside. I didn't get it. It took me some time to understand what was going on. You explained it here very well.

You never do know who youll end up with. Maybe it'll be me and you Deb, sitting in front of the fireplace in our old age sucking on our inhalers (get your minds out of the gutter people)

You have had some posts that make me really respect you. This one is on the top of the list.

barman said...

Deb, first let me say how much I appreciate your reply when I emailed you before. You made me feel so at home and comfortable.

I realize that certain aspects of this thread are not pleasing to some. It is very unfortunet. If is speaking about things like this in a non threatening way that will help affect a change some day.

I am probably fairly typical. Get in my face with something and I am probably going to shut you out or even go against you. Even if your opinions where very different then they are, approaching them from the direction you have is such a perfect way to do things. I am not threatened. I do not feel I am being chided. I even am learning something. People do not need to agree with my points of view. In fact it is probably much more interesting when they do not agree.

On this subject specificly, first thank you so much. I am so enjoying the insights I am getting on your blog in general but on this thread in particular. I think we really need to get things like this in the open. It is my hope that someday the gay an lesbian community can some day can come to accept the straight community and vis versa. Treating each other with respect and being open minded is such a great place to start.

I know that since I have come across your blog and exchanged a couple of emails I find that I am actually thinking about these very issues and not just pretending it does not exist since it does not surface very often in my life. I think this is a very good thing as it is a very positive exposure. I only wish people that were very much against what Deb has said could also share with everyone in a positive and non threatening way. How else will I ever learn to be different.

I just wish everyone could treat each other with the respect and tollerance that they would like to be treated. I have learned much here but there is so much more I could and should learn. I am not saying it is all on Deb's sholders or even that of her blog. I so love your blog for what it is, awesome. I hope that there are other outlets that I can feel comfortable with that can help with my ever yearning for knowledge.

~Deb said...

You know Bryan, you made a great point. I wish people who had opposing views would comment "here"-----instead of emailing them to me.

It would make for an interesting forum as well as see other people's take on it. Especially the gay & lesbian community who totally disagree with me.

I welcome "all" comments.

Thanks again for all your feedback!

Deadly Female said...

Deb, you're fantastic. Enough said.

Peace and love to you, and to Madelene, this Christmas and New Year.

Oh and there are some interesting commenters on here that I must get around to visiting as well.

xx

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Who Knowz?...Maybe they're 'fraid cuz if they made their thoughts "public domain" they jus' might (Heaven Forbid), learn sunpthin'...Most people that are afraid to jump in the arena are 'fraid they'll find out they are "wrong", when in all reality...ain't NONE of this 'bout "Right" OR "Wrong"...It's 'BOUT all of us...It's just Who-We-Are...The only people that are gettin' cheated, are the one's that don't take part...

"They call it Understandin'...a willingness to grow..."

B.Seger

~Deb said...

Wouldn’t it be nice if this was a world full of acceptance for one another? No prejudices, no labeling, no congregating to only ‘your own kind’; instead, being able to love unconditionally without stipulations. It’s a fantasy world really. This is the very reason why I try to stay out of ‘gay bars’ or just hang out with my lesbian friends.

When I hold parties & get togethers, I invite all my friends, straight/married/gay/bi/trans/---people of all religions and backgrounds and different political standpoints. It’s what makes for an interesting party- I’ll just say that.

Anonymouse said...

I think your post is totally wrong, Deb. I think gays and lesbos should parade around town in their underwear: the men will sing showtunes while the women shop for Burkenstocks. Breeders need to see how homos live. Get right in their face! Why? Think about it: just like we've all gotten used to violence because of the saturation thereof that we witness on TV and in the movies, if breeders were to see homos making out all of the time, every where, with everyone, then they would get accustomed to the lifestyle without giving pause for ONE MORE SECOND! Gays and dykos would be free. Finally.

I think it's wrong that lesbo bars don't have 'Straight Night'. Not because it's prejudice not to let them it, but because it would give me the dibs on WHO'S STRAIGHT, since I always fall for them. This brings me to my next point: could you please stop these nonsensical posts about gay groups and communities and write something worthwhile like 'how to tell if a gal is gay or straight!' or 'Is she flirting with me or is she merely a Gemini?' These are posts that the REAL gay community would like to read. Not this crapola about a rainbow flag (that flag must have been designed by one of the Queer Eye guys).

Wheewww...I'm glad I got all of that off my chest. And, just in case you were wondering, I most resemble (personality wise) Dana on The L Word (I've only seen the first 4 episodes of season 1. If she's found someone to spend the rest of her life with, then I DON'T--repeat--DON'T resemble her.) :)

ps Bhakti sent me!

~Deb said...

Yes Anonymouse, if you peek through my archives, I have a post named "Gaydar"---(I think) somewhere in my Aug or Sept files on how you know if someone is gay, or attracted to you. So go fish around if you are seeking that...and I wonder...hmmm...is Bhakti going through some changes here? (hehe)

If you need me to post about 'how you know', let me know...I'll email it to you.

Thanks for having an opposing view! haha! Nut!

Anonymouse said...

Oh no...many people think that I am Bhakti's alter ego...say for when she'd like to post something on ALEX's site and his stuff gets a little too dicey for a fourth grade teacher to be visiting a site like that kinda thingy.

Hhhmmm...no, I'm definitely NOT Bhakti. She's way cooler than me. Way prettier than me. Way smarter than me. And way funnier than me. She wore purple tough-skins (from Sears) before purple tough-skins were cool; she fell in love with every straight girl in art school; and she now has a crush on someone who flirts with her all of the time, yet she's truly not sure if this woman is gay, or merely a Gemini.

(Oh my GOSH!! Someone tried to STEAL my identity!!! I hate when that happens!!)

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll be back. One thing Bhakti and I DO have in common is the fact that we both think this is one of the coolest blogs in the blogosphere!!!

Yahoo! WE LOVE YOU!...er...uh...yeah, you're great. (Bhakti would never be that demonstrative, either. She's way cool and very well put-together.)

FreeThinker said...

If it's any consolation, the freethought community (atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, brights, etc.) deals with the same divisions. And religious communities do too -- they keep splintering into sects.

You did say "... some extreme liberal atheist with no acceptance towards anyone who is different ..." - I hope you don't think all atheists are not accepting of those who are different?

I know your type! said...

You sound like a bi-girl,hon. You know,constantly whining, and sucking up to males. I notice you have alot of male posters here; have you ever wondered how they managed to find your blog?

They typed in the word lesbian looking for some place to jack-off .

Most lesbians don't have a problem with lesbians who want to look like you do. I pass for straight most times myself, but most of us DO have a problem with bi-sexuals{been with men, and will probably be with them again} who tell everyone and their uncle, that they're a big ole dyke when they're not.

~Deb said...

I may sound bi, and that’s okay I guess. I’ve been in a relationship with the same woman for 12 yrs, so I have no clue what you would ‘label’ me as. I don’t label myself, nor am I one of those lesbians who are ‘manhaters’. They hate when other lesbians associate with other men. Men are wonderful. I love men----I mean, if it weren’t for men----WE wouldn’t be here! Think about it.

Also, if I wasn’t with Madelene, it’s hard to say if some man wouldn’t sweep me off his feet. I go by the inside of someone, not by the outside or gender. For some, yes they would call that bi-sexual….but for me? I don’t like labeling myself. I call myself ‘a lesbian’, because I haven’t been with a man since I was like 18 yrs old, …I’ve been with my partner (a female) for that entire time. I hope that clears any questions you have.

Another thing---this blog is hardly for men 'jackiing off'. If they do that on this blog, that would be sad, because there is hardly anything erotic on here! ha!!! Imagine??? Naw, I think there are better sites suited for that 'self love' you're talking about.

Yes, I know…I whine an awful lot, huh? I created this blog so that my friends don’t have to hear me whine. I’m a cranky ol’ bitch – but a dyke? Naw, I guess I’m more of a person who loves my girlfriend more than life. So then, what am I?

I’ve been trying to figure that one out for the longest time! My shrink doesn’t even know! (hehe) So anyway---thank you for stopping by and letting me know how you feel regarding my blog and what I should be labeled.

Warmest regards…