Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Envelope

Patience. I absolutely have none. I never did. Patience. That word irritates me. Needless to say I have no virtue. Patience gives us more character. What kind? The kind that waits, and waits, and then…waits.

When will my time come? God, why isn’t it happening ‘now’? I want things ‘now’, and nothing seems to be progressing in that area.

Then God spoke:

“God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” ~Ecclesiastes 3:11

What then, do I have to do in the meantime? Wait. Be patient. Maybe my life is out of control. Maybe my life needs a time to relax, and wait upon whatever it is, to enter my life.

“When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” ~Galatians 5:22

Do I not have enough trust? Do I have enough faith in God to say, “Here, take control of my life, and I’ll sit here and wait.” It seems whenever I do that, I get bored; impatient, and then I get frustrated when things don’t go my way.

Control freak.

I’m definitely a control freak. I need things done in a certain way; a way done by my means. Maybe I’m not giving up my reigns---I’m holding on too tight. Even when you hold on to a loved one too tight, they eventually slip from your grip. Do I have to sacrifice everything in my life God? He sacrificed His life---and I’m whining over miniscule matters.

Is this a test? I feel like I’m being constantly tested. Life is an experience, and sometimes we need to develop character by a test from God.

“God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterwards they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” ~James 1:12

When will I know when the test is done? My constant questioning is evidence enough that I have no patience. What do I need to get more patience?

Today I heard a message from Joyce Meyer. She said, “Ignore your problem and enjoy your life—regardless what’s going on in your life.” Hmm…sounds difficult, huh? Do I just run away from problems and go out with my buddies---while other things are brewing at home? I don’t understand it—yet I do.

Things aren’t happening fast enough. The devil brings people in my life to torture me--to test my ability to restrain self-control. Why does God let that happen? Does God work hand-in-hand with the devil for the sake of my final exams? It doesn’t seem right, does it? Is it a test of faith?


Let go, and let God. Give Him your cares; give Him all your problems. The one problem is, I have a hard time giving it completely to Him. I give God this huge envelope full of my problems, and say, “Here God, please, take my problems.” Then as I hand him this envelope full of problems, I’m still holding onto it—tightly.

“Let go Debbie.” God says.
”I’m scared.”
“You can’t do this on your own, don’t you trust me enough?”
“I do trust you, but what if, what if, what if…”

And I do.

“Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’” ~Matthew 11:28

Did you ever realize when there is nothing else you can do, you call upon God? All you can do is pray---all you can do is pray---you hear it all the time, right? “All we can do is pray.” But, are we praying ‘just in case’ he hears us? Or are we fully trusting in God to do His work? Do we believe that He is there with us, always?

I’m having that problem today. I know I can’t fix or solve every problem in my life, but today, I gave them up, and gave them to God. I hope that He hears my prayers, and I trust that He knows my heart, and hears my cries.

Today, I finally let go of the envelope.