Thursday, September 01, 2005

Side Effects Include:

“If you experience swelling of eyelids, face or lips, CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!” That’s just one of the many warnings listed on my antibiotics. The doctor at the ER gave me 500mg of Cephalexin to take four times a day. Great. This will relieve me of that horrendous lump on my head.

Nope. Now my entire head is a tremendous lump.

“Medwin, Medwin, wik up, wik up.”
“Deb? Are you okay?”
Madelene says, trying to open her eyes from her deep slumber.
“Ma fiz is swollen and I kint’ opin ma’eyes.” I struggled with my words holding on to Madelene as if she would reduce the swelling.
“Don’t take anymore!” Mad says. It was apparent that she didn’t know what else to say.
“No more? Awe c’mon!” I said, chuckling through my big fat lips and muffling my words out like the elephant man.

I got out of bed, and walked into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I chuckled a bit. Should I be scared? This was funny, but at the same time, alarming. I should really take a picture of this. Naw… I decided to stay up a little bit longer, just so I can see where this big head of mine was determined to go; inflate or deflate. It had to be one or the other.

Idea! Ibuprofen. It’s an anti-inflammatory, right? I take three. (600mg) After taking the ibus, the main side effects are facial swelling. Oh lovely. Let’s just see how high this pie can rise. I felt like I loaded up my face with yeast. Well, with the strength of those antibiotics, I am hoping that ingredient is NOT a problem. Girls?... Get me?

Hours later, my face goes back to status quo. (well almost) I had my morning coffee, and I feel like I lost about twenty pounds due to the swelling going down a tad.. My head felt like a huge bowling ball. My eyes could hardly see out because they were swelled shut. Funny thing, Madelene ran out of the house to go to her job a little quicker than usual. Hmm…I think she saw a side of me she never wants to see again. I hope she comes back, because it’ll be a nightmare trying to get a date looking the way I do.

Yours truly,
Deflated Deb (almost)

19 comments:

the Bleu Dog said...

I never thought you were big headed, I always saw you as a very down to earth person...

PS: You and your freaking word verification. Here's my theory: They open up the IKEA catalog and make you type product names in Sweedish to make sure you are not a spammer. What the F is a jhbio anyway? I'm thinking coffee table. I saw it down there on Tuesday when I went. I'm gonna get it in antiqued stain.

~Deb said...

Bleu,

Listen to me. Spammers. They suck. They fill up your comment box with offers of mail order brides, to fabulous wigs (which you see I have been suckered into) These spammers can be addicting- and you know my addictive personality.

I suggest word verification for every blogger who knows better. Watch. You'll start getting them. They start off like this:

Hey! Great blog! I'm saving this in my favorites!!!

Please visit:
www.mailorderbride.blogspot.com

They totally use your blog for selfish reasons.

So bleu, what are you selling today? Were you even concerned about my big fat head? No. You were just concerned that you had to type out 5 little words.

Bastard!

*muah*

P.S. I had to type "wbsijlzt" ...for word verification. Sounds like a last name of 'you know who' when they walk into the bar to see your show. HA! (get me?)

RR said...

Last year, I had my face lasered as a treatment for rosacea. My face swelled up to a heretofore unimagined size. The expression on my sister's face (she was the only one I let see me like that) was a mixture of pity and barely-controlled amusement.

In other words, you have my sympathy. I hope the bump on your head is better.

~Deb said...

RR,

You and I have similar experiences. Years back, my sister and I went camping out in Fire Island with a few friends. We both went to the beach and got sun poisening.

When we woke up in the tent, she laughed at me hysterically because I literally looked like that guy from "Mask", my forehead was even puffy. As she was laughing at me, I was hysterically laughing at her, because her face was in worse shape.

That's love!

Thanks for your sympathy and your comment! :)

Cherry said...

You must have scared your girlfriend half to death!! Glad to hear your face is almost back to normal! :)

~Deb said...

I never said it was 'normal'---hehe, but the swelling is down.

Oh get this- I call the doctor to ask him if I should stop taking the antibiotics because of the swelling---and he says, no-- it's not the medication, keep taking it. (???????)

So then, I call the pharmacy, and they say, "STOP IMMEDIATELY! We may need to put you on steroids to stop the swelling! That's the biggest side effect of that antibiotic! WHO'S YOUR DOCTOR????"

Hmm. Should we trust our medical professionals? The Pharmacists are better at this 'med' stuff, they are practically chemists. I'm sticking with them.

Unreal, huh? I'm going holistic.

Tara-raboomdeay said...

Hey ~Deb,

Since you're going holistic, why not try acupuncture? That'll get the swelling down!

~Deb said...

Funny girl...

the Bleu Dog said...

"Yotikgrj!" That's Russian for used dental dam. I do care very deeply about your head....of course I do.....
I feel worse for Mad having to wake up and see you like that!!!
Here's my story:
The first time we went down to Key West we went fishing, jetskiing, sunset cruising...you name it. We spent a great deal of time on the water. I was very aware that Key West is in the tropics and SPF70 is no joke. Well...I was weraing my hat (really??? me??? hat???) and my ears were sticking out. Let's do some math shall we kids?

Hat + Small Head = Ears sticking out + Tropical Sun + Water - Lotion on ears = Sun poisoning.

My face looked like a dammned football.

I sympathize....I really do!!!!

Tara-raboomdeay said...

Hey Bleu Dogs!

You're digging the security words too? They're not Russian. Deb practices Wicca and got them her from spells. Who knew spells were so hard to, well spell??

BTW, Deb, it nice to see that you're now doing "swell".

Later

Tara-raboomdeay said...

Hey Bleu Dogs!

You're digging the security words too? They're not Russian. Deb practices Wicca and got them her from spells. Who knew spells were so hard to, well spell??

BTW, Deb, it nice to see that you're now doing "swell".

Later

~Deb said...

Okay that's it. I'm going to make this into a NO COMMENT blog, just because of your wise cracks!

Swell, huh?

Madelene beats me. Shh, that's where the lump came from. I'm in denial though. She'll change, she really will! She said sorry, that counts, doesn't it?

(ha)

~Deb said...

ONE MORE THING!!!!!

The doctor called. He said that he has to access the abcess on my head.

I have to go back into the emergency room. UGH!

Tara-raboomdeay said...

TO ALL FANS OF THIS SITE:

Lets take bets on what the doctor in the emergency says!

As for Madelene, she only beats you when you take her rubber ducks (fair's fair).

Nettie said...

The word verification should stop the spammers; it helped on mine. Hope you feel better soon and that the 'accessing' goes ok.

~Deb said...

Tara-raboomdeay is my only spammer these days.

P.S. I am not into Wicca you little witch! (not you Nettie!!!) I'm talking to the Tara-raboomdeay girlie.

Tara-raboomdeay said...

Yes, Deb I am a witch. But this witch's brew is a nice light lager.

BTW, deb I figured out what that lump is on your head....


(details to follow)
City Mouse Girlie

piu piu said...

he has to 'acces' the abscess? my dad is a doctor- u learn to read into that specific vocabulary....

btw be careful about mixing ur drugs u know. u dont wanna overdose on top of everything else

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