Thursday, September 01, 2005

Side Effects Include:

“If you experience swelling of eyelids, face or lips, CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!” That’s just one of the many warnings listed on my antibiotics. The doctor at the ER gave me 500mg of Cephalexin to take four times a day. Great. This will relieve me of that horrendous lump on my head.

Nope. Now my entire head is a tremendous lump.

“Medwin, Medwin, wik up, wik up.”
“Deb? Are you okay?”
Madelene says, trying to open her eyes from her deep slumber.
“Ma fiz is swollen and I kint’ opin ma’eyes.” I struggled with my words holding on to Madelene as if she would reduce the swelling.
“Don’t take anymore!” Mad says. It was apparent that she didn’t know what else to say.
“No more? Awe c’mon!” I said, chuckling through my big fat lips and muffling my words out like the elephant man.

I got out of bed, and walked into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I chuckled a bit. Should I be scared? This was funny, but at the same time, alarming. I should really take a picture of this. Naw… I decided to stay up a little bit longer, just so I can see where this big head of mine was determined to go; inflate or deflate. It had to be one or the other.

Idea! Ibuprofen. It’s an anti-inflammatory, right? I take three. (600mg) After taking the ibus, the main side effects are facial swelling. Oh lovely. Let’s just see how high this pie can rise. I felt like I loaded up my face with yeast. Well, with the strength of those antibiotics, I am hoping that ingredient is NOT a problem. Girls?... Get me?

Hours later, my face goes back to status quo. (well almost) I had my morning coffee, and I feel like I lost about twenty pounds due to the swelling going down a tad.. My head felt like a huge bowling ball. My eyes could hardly see out because they were swelled shut. Funny thing, Madelene ran out of the house to go to her job a little quicker than usual. Hmm…I think she saw a side of me she never wants to see again. I hope she comes back, because it’ll be a nightmare trying to get a date looking the way I do.

Yours truly,
Deflated Deb (almost)