Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Who Are You Fooling?

I can just imagine how many of you right now are going to relate to this post. Let’s talk about misrepresenting yourself on an online personal ad. How many people have experienced the pleasure of getting a gorgeous woman to respond to your ad, her profile indicates, “I’m independent, I love working out, very fit and I love to go out for fine dining. I am very attractive, but yet modest.” Yada yada yada… The picture on her profile is just amazing! Wow, is this woman really single? Is she really a lesbian? If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

My best friend Lisa was meeting her online date in person for the first time. She was nervous and excited about this new date. She called me up and explained how this girl had blonde hair, blue eyes and loved to work out. The girl gave Lisa the impression she was very feminine; in fact she claimed that she was extremely feminine. Lisa was very happy to hear that as her preference leans towards the feminine qualities of a woman. Lisa walked into the restaurant and sat down at the booth. She ordered a glass of cabernet to ease her nerves a bit. When she saw the girl walking inside to meet her, she sensed that ‘this was her’. How can this be her though? The girl was dressed up in a leather vest, with nothing else underneath, tattoos on her arm and a pair of old jeans with boots. She had blonde hair alright—but the type of blonde where you haven’t washed it in about a week, so it becomes that dirty strawberry blondish color. Her hair was tied up so tightly on top of her hair that her pony tail was less than an inch long. This girl did not represent any nature of femininity whatsoever. She had no make up, weathered looking and she appeared as if she didn’t take much care in her appearance. This was not what Lisa expected at all. Needless to say the date ended very shortly after dinner.

Why are people misrepresenting themselves online? Do they think in a strange way that they won’t find out once you meet in person? Do they think that we’ll forget about the gorgeous picture that was posted oppose to what the cat dragged in the restaurant instead? These people need to be honest upfront and be truthful about who they are online. It’s great to say good things about yourself, but to lavish it up as if you were some sort of model is another thing. It amazes me how different people can be from their online personal ad to what they are in person. These are phrases from personal ads to watch for…I will give you the true definition of what they mean by these statements that they made about themselves.

For instance:

Laid back bohemian-type: overly nervous person who look like they’re a bag of laundry.

I don’t like drama: I have caused enough drama in my past relationships to possibly know if I may or may not do it again. I’m on medication now.

I’m independent: I take care of two or more cats at home & have a part time job.
I’m femme with an edge: I have hair down to my shoulders but usually wear a baseball cap wherever I go.

I love animals: I love animals more than humans because they ‘understand me more’.

I love sushi: I’m trying to be exotic and show you that I like culture, but really, I just like the California rolls and anything else that’s cooked. A good burger joint is fine with me!

I’m in pre-med & studying for my masters while working two jobs: I have absolutely no time for you, I may not finish school because I have so much crap going on, so writing this ad has taken a lot of time from me. I’m on medication now.

I came across one person I met online where they had given me the impression that they were very thin. I don’t give a rat’s behind about how skinny or heavy a person may be. What I do care about is the lying that goes behind these profiles. The evening I met up with this potential ‘friend’, I realized that she was extremely obese. To me, she was the nicest person – she had a great personality, weight had no impact on my opinion towards her. The only thing that I found alarming was her description of herself. It was very misleading and for other people, they would have confronted this issue with her. For me, I really didn’t care. I came to her house, hung out and had a few beers with her and got to know her as a person instead of harping on the really bad self description. I had a great time and made a close friend out of it.

Online dating services are tricky. You really have to keep an opened mind about the possibility of meeting someone who misled you into thinking you were meeting a Britney Spears look-alike. Some of these pictures are over ten years old for crying out loud! Where do these people get off posting pictures from a decade ago? “Well it’s the only one I had.” Bullshit! This is the type of person who lures you in with a sexy picture from years back when they weighed 115 lbs and had a body of a super model. Do they think that we’re really not going to notice when they come walking into the restaurant or café to meet us? Let’s be a little more realistic and a little more honest when it comes to placing an ad.

Have you ever seen the section in a personal ad where it shows you what their ‘interests’ are? My ex-girlfriend—the one I met a few years ago while my partner and I were separated, her ad consisted of things that I have yet to see her do. I find it quite funny actually. The person placing the ad has to check off the appropriate boxes that indicate which activity and hobby they love to do. Well here was my ex’s check offs:
Hiking: The last time she hiked was probably on a sixth grade field trip up in a state part somewhere. This girl will roam a parking lot for hours upon hours for a good spot so she doesn’t have to walk far. Come on!

Camping: Are you kidding me? Her type of camping entailed a Marriott suite with room service.

Yoga: This is something she should have taken up. The girl was so high-strung her vein on her forehead would pop out everytime something upset her. Medication is her ‘yoga’.

Meditation: I guess you can say she meditated….when she slept at night.
Meditation/medication- Let’s call the whole thing off!

Housekeeping: What? Are you crazy? The nerve to mark this as something you do! First of all she didn’t have her own place till her parents kicked her out. When she did get her own apartment which was a studio, the dishes were piled up high from a week prior.

Running: The poor thing smoked so much she wheezed just walking from the living room over to the kitchen.

Music: Okay, so she liked music but didn’t play an instrument. Who doesn’t like music though?

Skiing: Oh come on now- the girl is bad enough on her own two feet. She thought about skiing, but never attempted it.

Swimming: Hmm, well she swam in my pool, more like walked on the shallow end the whole time. I don’t call that swimming. I believe she almost drowned in her own bath tub.

Tennis: Oh please, the girl didn’t even own a racquet!

Do you see my point here? Why are we checking off hobbies that we do not participate in? It puzzles me whenever I find out someone doesn’t do one or more of the following ‘check offs’… See, I’m the type that will remember everything that you check off on your hobby box. I do this because I like an activity partner, and I want to know what type of sports one is interested in, or what I can talk about when I see them in person.

Let’s start being real here people!