For the most part, people just don't care. And what I mean by that is, that frivolous blabber people do that seems to be absolutely pointless and well, boring. There's two types of people: the blabbermouth that never stops talking about "nothing" - perhaps nervous chatter, and then you have the blabbermouth who talks about morbidly fascinating 'taboo' type of things, which can be kinda' interesting. But when you're super exhausted and just wanting the bare minimum, both can be frustrating to experience. A little secret about my wife: whenever she is entirely bored with a one way conversation, her eyebrows immediately rise to the ceiling. She hates when I reveal that little factoid about her.


It can definitely be a fun event, especially when you're eavesdropping, and especially if it's in a bar. And remember, (from my own experience) - bartenders can hear a pin drop from a mile away. You think that you're 'far enough' - but you're not. Trust me. I was a bartender for a while and lemme' tell you how many times I have heard couples having 'whisper arguments' or even, the dreaded 'sexy talk'. Then you have the gossip hens chatting away about whomever. We. heard. it. all. Not even two months ago, my wife and I were at our local bar and grill having dinner. We had a little 'whisper spat through gritted teeth' while the bartender was all the way across the bar serving another customer. When she came back, I said, "It's okay, we're done fighting." She smiled and said, "Good, I wanted to give you some privacy." I can't tell you how important it is to shut your mouth at the bar - if it's a private matter.

Anyway, back to psychoanalyzing. There was a guy sitting at the bar at our favorite restaurant not too long ago. He was eating wings and talking to his friend who happened to be sharing his appetizer . You rarely see two men sharing an appetizer, but that's not the point. Anyway, the guy was, I dunno - maybe in his mid-forties, had dress pants and a button up shirt on. He looked like some computer programmer - a bit nerdy, and a bit socially awkward. But what I heard led me to believe he was not only single, but super undesirable to women. As he licked and slurped the buffalo sauce off from his fingers very loudly, he explained how he smokes three packs of cigarettes a day and drinks at least five drinks a day. He was going on and on, bragging about all of his vices, "I eat shit all day long - you name it - from greasy burgers, potato chips, donuts and pizza - I eat everything and look how healthy I am!" I shot a look over at him wanting to ask if he was married just so I can confirm, that there was no way a decent woman in their right mind would say "I do" to him. It was then he said, "My only problem is finding a good woman."



You know, I do have a heart and feel bad for some people, like the ones who have anxiety and start in with that nervous chatter. It doesn't matter what it is - they're always talk about something dreadfully boring at great lengths. It's the kind of conversation where you find yourself standing in front of that person, screaming inside your mind trying to telepathically remind them that their medication wore off. If this happens to be you - remember one thing: if you're talking to someone and all you see is nodding and a plastered smile, they haven't heard one word you've said. Go 'head and ask them, "Oh geez, I forgot what I was saying - can you remind me?"  99% of the time, they won't be able to help you out. I always wonder why people need "fillers". God forbid if it's silent - oh - let's chat about the lightbulb that went out in my foyer and how hard it was to replace that bulb because you know, it was a special kinda' bulb with special kinda' wattage and all, so when I went to Home Depot to ask if they had any, they said…."

*Insert gun shot sound*

"X" Out

And let's face it - we all have unimportant things to say from time to time, which is why I have this blog to begin with. People can either read or they can simply "X" out and say, "Wow, that was an easy getaway." I sometimes see my wife's eyebrows reaching the ceiling as she tries so desperately to hide this well-known quality of hers - but she loves me thank God. I get into one of my 'manic-driven-I've had way too much coffee-high-espisodes' and Mad's just like, "Shut. up. now." And I do…sometimes.

Spoiler alert.

My mother and I would run if my dad wanted to watch a movie with us that he'd already seen. "Oh dis' is a true pitcha' - ya gotta see dis'!" He'd insist and insist until we finally gave in and sat down in the TV room to watch the "true pitcha'". Not even through the first ten minutes,  he's giving his commentary. "Ya see, he's doin' dat all wrong! First you gotta kill em' den' chop up the evidence: head, hands and feet." And if it was his favorite part coming up, he'd let us know. "Dis is gonna surprise you! Wait - watch dis' scene!" As if we weren't watching to begin with. But he kept on and on and on… "Shut up, Charl," mom would yell out, or he would get a big "SSSSHHHHHHHHH." Eventually, we would know the ending before the ending even arrived.

So which category do you fall into? Are you the Chatty Cathy or are you the one that raises their eyebrows and nods with a plastered smile hoping the person doesn't realize you have just drifted off into another land while they went on and on and on…? 

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