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Showing posts from June, 2013

Are Some Fears Rational?

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The other day I was preparing a chicken dinner for Madelene while we were getting severe storm alerts on our TV. I love a good storm, but my Chihuahua? Not so much. She doesn't mind a rumble here and there, but when it's loud - almost "firework loud" --- she's a shivering mess sitting in her own urine. But I had hope. I put the Thundershirt on her and went on baking my garlic chicken. As I sat outside with a glass of wine to relax, the smells of my dinner wafted throughout the house and encompassed the entire outside area as well. It was heaven. I even thought, "Wow, what a peaceful moment." I don't have much of those with my crazy anxiety, so I was basking in this. Then I heard a rumble from beyond, a storm brewing. I got excited because I love storms. I used to be so deathly afraid of storms only because I had seen a twister fly down my property, tossing small trees into the air while my Dad was outside laughing his ass off yelling, "Come ou

Hypochondriacal Headcase

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You gotta love people when they only see what they wanna see. For me, it’s been a huge problem in many aspects of my life. Having anxiety disorder and depression, I tend to overcompensate by “denying” my symptoms so that I can live a “normal” life, whatever that may be. It’s a bit ironic that when I step into any psychotherapist’s office that they all say the same thing: “You look like you have it together.” I will admit I did something pretty sneaky... I tapped into my psychiatric files once at this rundown clinic I used to go to since I didn’t have any insurance at the time. Mind you, their regulars were schizophrenics and sociopaths. The waiting room itself was a psychiatric ward full of people rocking back and forth drooling over one another. I wanted to see if they really thought I was batshit crazy. As I flipped through each page describing the same diagnosis, I was (and I admit) a bit disappointed. It said, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder”. I said out loud, “Bullshit!” It also

The Unforgiving Disease: Regret

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If you think you're not doing anything "wrong", then you're not. Right and wrong differs from person to person, as well as looking at it through religious and spiritual (moral) standpoints. If someone thinks you're being selfish and you disagree, then you're not selfish. Maybe that person wants or needs more from you and you can only give so much. Maybe you see the world in a much different (perhaps in a skewed) way. And maybe, just maybe, you don't realize you're being selfish to the majority of people around you.  That's okay though. You are who you are. If those people are unhappy with who you are and what you do and what you don't do, then they can simply just leave your life. But what about when it's all said and done, years go by and regret finally sinks in? You start getting the, 'I shoulda' coulda' woulda' syndrome' and there's nothing you can really do about it to make it better again. Maybe you can apolog

My New Favorite Place: Greenport, NY

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I'm back! Not sure if I'm relaxed or more amped to go traveling again, but our trip was extremely peaceful and very much needed. We stayed over at Greenport, NY in the North Fork by the Hamptons. I've stayed numerous times at the Hamptons which was absolutely gorgeous, but I had more fun in Greenport just because of the energetic 'vibe' itself. It has tons of wineries and farm markets, not to mention fun little shops, restaurants on the harbor -- anything you could ask for was here. I like a town to be a bit on the fun side with time to wind down in a house right on the ocean. We stayed on the bay area which I have never done before, except for Provincetown, MA. We even found ourselves accidentally on the set of HBO's "Girls". Madelene said, "Oh look, they're having some kind of buffet here." I looked around, there were camera crews and equipment all over. "No, Mad. That's for the cast and their crew." Anyway, we trekked o

Indifference

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Love is strange. Love comes in different colors too. Sometimes, it even borderlines hatred if the right fireworks are set off. I believe that if someone says, "I HATE YOU" with such passion, it takes enough energy out of their soul, our of their well-being, to love you enough to take the time to hate you enough. They have one common denominator: passion. Usually a scorned ex lover will rattle this off, but usually never someone who truly doesn't want to be bothered by you. It's simply no response, no communication and every opportunity to be where you're not. It's not even so much avoidance as it is, "I really don't care" type of mindset. Indifference. It's a hard call to tell when someone is being indifferent, but enough to notice either they're not the same person or they just didn't take a liking to you from the get-go. I'm certainly no expert on relationships, love and of course, "hatred", but I have had enoug

Paper Trail

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Never be mean to the wait staff.  For the most part, I'd like to think that I'm not so much judgmental as I am careful of who I select to be in my world. I don't care what color, race, gender or sexual orientation you are --- I go by my judge of character alone. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to be. I never criticize unless it becomes obvious.  I observe. For example: if I see you being mean to the wait staff, I'll call you out on it and I'll avoid you at all costs and hope to God that the waiter or waitress spits in your food you brought back. If I see you intentionally hurting or using someone who is a good person, I'll steer clear. If I sense you're out to just use anyone who will just spend a moment's time with you just because you're bored, your invite will be declined. There are two sets of people: those who gain friends by hurting others and those who gain friends from being genuine friends. No doubt, people love to gossip and

The Apocalypse is Upon Us

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The other morning I was having breakfast with Madelene watching the news. A short news clip came on showing that Domino's is trying to deliver pizza with drones. I thought it was a great idea, until Mad shot me a look of concern. I'm like, "Isn't that great - you just answer the door and this things hovers until you grab the box of pizza. No tipping!" The sad thing is, I hate pizza. But you see my point. Madelene said, "No, not 'great', Deb," and then leaves the room to finish getting ready. I started to ask why and realized she was insinuating that this is the beginning of the end - 'they're all watching us' type of mindset. She reminded me that they're probably watching us with little drones that are the size of a fly. The way I think about it is -- if you're not doing anything wrong, then what's the problem? Why would anyone want to spy on me? Fine, you wanna peek at my fat ass then have at it. She then went on to say

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

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Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner cheated on you? And no matter how you found out, whether it be through word of mouth, shoddy paper trails (texts) or personal investigator, your heart is just shattered into pieces. You feel betrayed and for some people, 'less than desirable' due to a 'other options' found -not necessarily better mind you. The immediate response is, "I'll get them" -- but is it really worth it? Some people have valid reasons for cheating, and yes, I said valid. Maybe they're not being paid attention to at home. Maybe their partner is abusive. And maybe, the love has just gone out the door. There are cases where the person is just genetically geared to having more than one partner, but unfortunately, making promises to only one. And while that seems unfair, it's also a stigma to be polyamorous, which that person should be and be open about it. But, society deems it "inappropriate", and with that, mo