Friday, June 28, 2013

Are Some Fears Rational?

The other day I was preparing a chicken dinner for Madelene while we were getting severe storm alerts on our TV. I love a good storm, but my Chihuahua? Not so much. She doesn't mind a rumble here and there, but when it's loud - almost "firework loud" --- she's a shivering mess sitting in her own urine. But I had hope. I put the Thundershirt on her and went on baking my garlic chicken. As I sat outside with a glass of wine to relax, the smells of my dinner wafted throughout the house and encompassed the entire outside area as well. It was heaven. I even thought, "Wow, what a peaceful moment." I don't have much of those with my crazy anxiety, so I was basking in this. Then I heard a rumble from beyond, a storm brewing. I got excited because I love storms. I used to be so deathly afraid of storms only because I had seen a twister fly down my property, tossing small trees into the air while my Dad was outside laughing his ass off yelling, "Come out here and learn sumptin' will ya?" He knew how much I freaked out over tornado warnings even though they never hit this area - so it trickled over to even the slightest thunder. Don't ask me how, but I managed to push the 300 lb man inside and slammed the door behind him as he laughed uncontrollably at my ridiculous fear. After time, I learned to appreciate storms and enjoy the "excitement" -- even the fear of them. So, technically, I no longer fear them as I once did, I just get excited now. So while I'm sitting there drinking my wine, I hear the thunder getting much louder. Black clouds started moving in, and so did I. I walked into the kitchen to check on my food, and all of the sudden, lightening leaked out of the faucet, surrounding every bit of outlining object on the counter where my sink was. Then I heard a HUGE "snap" or "pop" as if it had burnt every circuit in the house. But the strange thing was, everything still worked. I stood there staring in shock - not in fear - but in amazement of how my entire counter and sink was lit up and outlined in electrical blue waves. When I turned around, there was no Lola to be found...except in the bathroom behind the toilet shaking in a puddle of her own pee. Appropriate place at least.

Have you ever wondered about fear - like why do we sometimes develop irrational fears if we have never experienced a particular thing? For instance: I have never experienced a real tornado before, other than the twister, which was close to a tornado. I never experienced weather damaged catastrophes, only seen it on TV, so why would I be so shell shocked over thunder and lightening? Yes, it is dangerous but on what level do we let our fears grip us so tightly? Taking ibuprofen can give you "unexpected stomach bleeding". And while most of us have read it on the warning label and have heard about this happening to other people, we keep popping them like pez, as if it would never happen to us. Drinking can damage your liver, but I keep drinking my wine. There's something to be said for fearing things that seem so 'far off' -- fearing your own death every single day will waste your entire life for the next possible 50 years. But who can guarantee that? My mom laughs at me and always says, "Lola's just like her mama." And she is. She has irrational fears that I try to simmer down by either putting a Thundershirt on her, by cuddling her or by simply saying, "You're safe, nothing's gonna happen to you." And in reality, I can't guarantee that for sure. Who can?

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” ―Erma Bombeck


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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Hypochondriacal Headcase

You gotta love people when they only see what they wanna see. For me, it’s been a huge problem in many aspects of my life. Having anxiety disorder and depression, I tend to overcompensate by “denying” my symptoms so that I can live a “normal” life, whatever that may be. It’s a bit ironic that when I step into any psychotherapist’s office that they all say the same thing: “You look like you have it together.” I will admit I did something pretty sneaky... I tapped into my psychiatric files once at this rundown clinic I used to go to since I didn’t have any insurance at the time. Mind you, their regulars were schizophrenics and sociopaths. The waiting room itself was a psychiatric ward full of people rocking back and forth drooling over one another. I wanted to see if they really thought I was batshit crazy. As I flipped through each page describing the same diagnosis, I was (and I admit) a bit disappointed. It said, “Generalized Anxiety Disorder”. I said out loud, “Bullshit!” It also stated that, “Patient seems to have a clean and neat appearance, takes care of herself and seems very much together.” I’m not sure why I was so furious over these ‘should’ve been’ compliments. Maybe it was because I wasn’t getting the necessary help because they couldn’t see past my appearance and demeanor. And what I mean by appearance is --- I don’t shlep into a place wearing rags. I don’t even walk out of my door without wearing makeup. I may come in with ripped jeans and flip flops, but they seem to raise an eyebrow when they see the pedicure. I’m sick and tired of doctors thinking that “I’m just fine” when I’m not. Even my family doctor asked, “You seem to be looking for a diagnosis, why?” Because if fucking hurts, why else?!?! I once came in with a significant size distention around my upper abdominal region. Doc said it was a bruised rib and told me to take ibuprofen. Got a second opinion by another doc who set me up with x-ray appointments and nuclear medicine (HIDA scans) to check my gallbladder. Said it was “sludgy” and it should be removed. When I asked the surgeon during my pre-op if my pain and distention would go away if it was removed, he said, “Oh I have no idea. I hope so. We’re just doing a process of elimination. You don’t need your gallbladder anyway.” Umm, nobody --- and I mean, nobody is flinging organs out of my body without a good enough reason. Do you know till this day, I cannot wear my favorite wired bras due to this distention I still have? I even got an endoscopy done. Doc said, “No ulcer, no H. pylori, no nuttin’ but good ol’ gastritis", which is another term doctors use for, “I have no clue what you have.” So for the past five years, I’ve been on Prilosec which clearly states that you should only use their product for 14 days.

I’m quite the regular at the ER as you know. Symptoms range from chest pain, asthma attacks, pain on the right side (appendix phobias) and the swelling of one foot (fear of clots). Every diagnosis for my chest pain is costochondritis. Basically a term that says, “We don’t really know what the hell it is.” Asthma attacks are usually treated with tons of steroids (which I love because it makes me wanna clean my house all day long.) The leg swelling is tested by a sonogram. “No clot. Stay away from the salt.” I have to say the entire staff are super nice to me. “Hi Deb. What’s new?” Seriously though, I always get, “When in doubt, check it out.” Makes sense, right? But lately I have been figuring out that some of these ailments are psychosomatic, and some not. For instance, I had to bring my mom into the ER for her wrist that literally blew up. She had pain and weakness in it. Automatically, we thought arthritis. She couldn’t even lift the big jugs of Carlo Rossi any longer. They diagnosed her with gout. Weeks later, I can’t use my left hand - left joint by the thumb - the same exact thing. (Couldn’t lift the wine either.) I seem to catch everyone else’s ‘bug’ so to speak. My sister had an asthma-like attack and then I started wheezing. It doesn’t end there. My sister’s back when out one week and the following week, guess what happened? And the pain and ailments are very real. Mom pointed out how her hand curls up into a crippling position. Pointer finger where the ring finger should be and pinky where the thumb should be kinda’ thing. Days later, while playing guitar ---BAM. My hand curls up. Sympathy pain, maybe? So I am self-diagnosing myself: Hypochondriacal Headcase Syndrome. 



And don’t even get me started with medical shows. I swear to you this happened the other day. I was having a severe anxiety attack, possibly the worst one I have ever had in. my. life. So Madelene, being the caregiving angel she is, says, “Oh, come sit down, let me rub your shoulders and let’s watch TV.” Sounded calming. She then turned on Dr. Oz. Do you see where this is going? Not only that, my worst fear --and FAVORITE doctor, Dr. G was on. If you don’t know her, she is a high profile doctor that does autopsies and figures out what went wrong and why someone died unexpectedly. She even did the Casey Anthony trial. Anyway, she brings out four cadavers and wants the audience to figure out what went wrong. Mind you, I would have normally turned this off, but I LOVE Dr. G. Had to watch. The first cadaver died while getting up from the kitchen table. No heart attack no nuttin’. Her first clue was that she was a bit overweight - technically “obese” (anyone over 30 lbs is technically obese, including myself.) Same age, similar weight. I immediately guessed it when she said, “She was lying in bed all day because she wasn’t feeling well and the next day just died.” I immediately checked my mental hypochondriacal files and blurted out, “Pulmonary embolism.” The next cadaver died in her sleep for no apparent reason. She was out with friends having a few cocktails, came home and went to bed. I’m no stranger to these activities. When Dr. G looked around in the bathroom, she found blood in the sink and over the counter drugs like ibuprofen, aspirin and even oxycontin. Again, I have this lifestyle (minus the oxycontin of course.) I immediately blurted out, “Bleeding ulcer.” I then had to change the station because I felt like I was sitting too long...long enough for a blood clot to form. See how this works?


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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Unforgiving Disease: Regret

If you think you're not doing anything "wrong", then you're not. Right and wrong differs from person to person, as well as looking at it through religious and spiritual (moral) standpoints. If someone thinks you're being selfish and you disagree, then you're not selfish. Maybe that person wants or needs more from you and you can only give so much. Maybe you see the world in a much different (perhaps in a skewed) way. And maybe, just maybe, you don't realize you're being selfish to the majority of people around you.  That's okay though. You are who you are. If those people are unhappy with who you are and what you do and what you don't do, then they can simply just leave your life. But what about when it's all said and done, years go by and regret finally sinks in? You start getting the, 'I shoulda' coulda' woulda' syndrome' and there's nothing you can really do about it to make it better again. Maybe you can apologize or talk to whoever to release all that regret and make amends with that person. What if that person is no longer here though? Regret is an unforgiving disease that usually develops over time...usually when it's much too late. It spreads and ferments into your bones like terminal cancer, eating up every particle that you're made up of. "But it's my life and I can do what I want!" And that's so very true. After time, is the life you "wanted" worth it if all you ever thought about was yourself? This world is a give and take kinda place, and the universe has ways of either rewarding you tenfold or simply giving back what you put into it when "it was your life". I'm not even talking about materialistic or monetary things. I'm referring to loving others as you would yourself; treating others as you would yourself. Yes, the golden rule. But it doesn't have to be applied if that's not your rule to stand by, besides, it's "your life". It can simply wait and fester over time until you finally 'get it'. That's how the world works. The universe always brings back whatever you put into it. Maybe it might not be your "type" of reward, but its value is the same, if not more. Then again, maybe you just don't 'get it'.

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Friday, June 21, 2013

My New Favorite Place: Greenport, NY

I'm back! Not sure if I'm relaxed or more amped to go traveling again, but our trip was extremely peaceful and very much needed. We stayed over at Greenport, NY in the North Fork by the Hamptons. I've stayed numerous times at the Hamptons which was absolutely gorgeous, but I had more fun in Greenport just because of the energetic 'vibe' itself. It has tons of wineries and farm markets, not to mention fun little shops, restaurants on the harbor -- anything you could ask for was here. I like a town to be a bit on the fun side with time to wind down in a house right on the ocean. We stayed on the bay area which I have never done before, except for Provincetown, MA. We even found ourselves accidentally on the set of HBO's "Girls". Madelene said, "Oh look, they're having some kind of buffet here." I looked around, there were camera crews and equipment all over. "No, Mad. That's for the cast and their crew." Anyway, we trekked over to all the clam bars and restaurants. They catch and harvest their own seafood. I can't even tell you how fresh these clams were. We were lucky enough to bring Mom with us, since she needed a getaway herself. I've never seen her so relaxed before. We had such a great time and so many laughs together. It was truly a piece of heaven and I am extremely grateful to have spent this time with my favorite girls. Here are some shots of our trip. I'll be back writing again this following Tuesday. We're taking a vacation from our vacation. Here are shots right outside from the house we rented.







Here are some other shots from my iPhone...

This was right outside the house. Perfect.
We got hit with this amazing storm! 
This is right on the dock at Claudio's Clam Bar. It's an 75 year old firefighting boat.
Add caption
Just in case I needed to doodle while inspired by the view.

Best clams on the half shell I have ever had!

If you ever go to Greenport, you have to visit Claudio's.




Even Lola met some friends...kinda.

Mom spying on people on their yachts passing by.
My baby girl.



People asked, "Why didn't you kennel your dog?" You will never, ever see my rescue dog in a kennel unless waiting 10 minutes for me from being at the groomer's. I would be so depressed without her stalking me. Seriously - that dog is my heart. Wherever we go, she goes. Wouldn't have it any other way.

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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Indifference

Love is strange. Love comes in different colors too. Sometimes, it even borderlines hatred if the right fireworks are set off. I believe that if someone says, "I HATE YOU" with such passion, it takes enough energy out of their soul, our of their well-being, to love you enough to take the time to hate you enough. They have one common denominator: passion. Usually a scorned ex lover will rattle this off, but usually never someone who truly doesn't want to be bothered by you. It's simply no response, no communication and every opportunity to be where you're not. It's not even so much avoidance as it is, "I really don't care" type of mindset. Indifference. It's a hard call to tell when someone is being indifferent, but enough to notice either they're not the same person or they just didn't take a liking to you from the get-go. I'm certainly no expert on relationships, love and of course, "hatred", but I have had enough past experiences to let me know which was which. I remember when I was younger, I would "hate" my ex and spew out a few unkind things about them, as they did with me. When it simmered down and time had passed, it morphed into indifference. We both no longer cared. That's why I totally believe that time heals all wounds. Breakups are the worst when it's in its first stages. First, you try to let go, you cry yourself a river and then you may hit the next stage: begging for forgiveness. You made a mistake. You didn't want things to end, yada yada yada. Then, when that doesn't work out, it turns to anger. Voila, you got yourself a cocktail full of "hatred". Whether it's a breakup, a divorce or even a broken friendship, we start asking ourselves, "What's wrong with me?" Sometimes, it doesn't even matter who wronged who. The blame is sometimes pointed back at themselves.

With certain people in my life, my "indifference" is usually based upon fear if they have verbally attacked me in a vicious way. I forgive, but the forgetting part I'm having a hard time with. I will always greet them and be cordial to them, but my behavior, my entire personality is a little different. I can't help it. I can't be the same person to that someone who had beaten me up so violently with mere words, especially someone I cared about. I'm afraid it'll happen again. I feel like a rescue dog when you try to pet their head. I cower with fear. I'll play with you a little, fetch the ball a few times, but I will never get close to you again. There's no "stability" in the once friendship/relationship. With this very issue, I turned to my spirituality and prayed about it so many times I can't even count. I even took out the Bible and came across a few scriptures that totally explained my feelings and my situation.

"Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow." -Proverbs 25:18 

"Putting confidence in an unreliable person is like chewing with a toothache or walking on a broken foot." -Proverbs 25:19 

"It's harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars." -Proverbs 18:19 

There's also this one scripture that I cannot find (maybe you know it). It says that arguments will not end a friendship or relationship, it's when you insult their character that breaks the tie. Once you attack someone on a personal level, it sticks. It's engraved in the mind forever. So technically, it is completely out of my control to be the same person I used to be with those who have insulted me or had verbally beaten me up. I feel as though, if that person doesn't make a conscious effort to make it known that they'll never hurt me like that again, or at least shows their sincerity, how can I ever fully trust that person again? So, I remain indifferent for now. And that's so not like me at all.

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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Paper Trail

Never be mean to the wait staff. 
For the most part, I'd like to think that I'm not so much judgmental as I am careful of who I select to be in my world. I don't care what color, race, gender or sexual orientation you are --- I go by my judge of character alone. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to be. I never criticize unless it becomes obvious.  I observe. For example: if I see you being mean to the wait staff, I'll call you out on it and I'll avoid you at all costs and hope to God that the waiter or waitress spits in your food you brought back. If I see you intentionally hurting or using someone who is a good person, I'll steer clear. If I sense you're out to just use anyone who will just spend a moment's time with you just because you're bored, your invite will be declined. There are two sets of people: those who gain friends by hurting others and those who gain friends from being genuine friends. No doubt, people love to gossip and gain an 'inner knowledge' of whoever and whatever --- but at what cost? When do you start selling your soul to the gossip gods? Judge Judy makes a good point. She always says, "Once you lie to me, your credibility is always in question." The sad fact is -- liars never change. I remember years ago in high school a friend of mind used to lie about everything under the sun. We just chucked it up to her eagerness to beg for attention with a 'good story', but as we got older and some of us maturer, the same girl lied about something very significant. She begged that she has changed her ways and that she wasn't the same person she was back then. When I called her out on her bullshit and showed her proof of her lie, she squirmed like a snake and made the most magnificent twists and turns to get out of what she had claimed was once true. Once lied to, especially as an adult, everything out of your mouth becomes utter bullshit.

But I digress. I actually feel bad for these people. I feel bad for a number of people who are out roaming the world looking for their next victim to lie to, or to use for their own agenda and gain. That has to be an exhausting life to live: a life lived by lies and deception alone. Nothing is genuine. Nothing is concrete. They float through circle of friends hoping to find the next gullible takers to believe their mantra. Once found out, they head off to the next prey. Some people are such bullshit artists that they move from state to state just to regain a "new life".  The "new" people have no clue about their emotional unstableness, until their madness rears its ugly head. Time to move. When it hits the 50th time, I'm sure another language should be learned. The unsettled traveler just keeps moving along until they're bored or figured out. I know there are "true travelers" and adventurers out there, but there's a huge difference in an unsettled person and a person who just loves to see the world. You can pinpoint which is which. The unsettled traveler keeps running and running from their paper trail of lies.

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Saturday, June 08, 2013

The Apocalypse is Upon Us

The other morning I was having breakfast with Madelene watching the news. A short news clip came on showing that Domino's is trying to deliver pizza with drones. I thought it was a great idea, until Mad shot me a look of concern. I'm like, "Isn't that great - you just answer the door and this things hovers until you grab the box of pizza. No tipping!" The sad thing is, I hate pizza. But you see my point. Madelene said, "No, not 'great', Deb," and then leaves the room to finish getting ready. I started to ask why and realized she was insinuating that this is the beginning of the end - 'they're all watching us' type of mindset. She reminded me that they're probably watching us with little drones that are the size of a fly. The way I think about it is -- if you're not doing anything wrong, then what's the problem? Why would anyone want to spy on me? Fine, you wanna peek at my fat ass then have at it. She then went on to say, "They are trying to learn about you." I just gave her a blank stare. I mean, I'm all for conspiracy theories, but this one takes the cake. OK, so they "learn about me". They learn I'm too boring to be spied on. I feel safer that there are cameras on our streets. These cameras have caught kidnappers and rapists -- isn't that a good thing? We got them off the streets because of "big brother". But no. Mad disagreed with me. "The devil always comes as an angel of light." So, basically saying that you will be blinded by all the positiveness of whatever looms in the darkness so to speak. I can't wrap my mind around that for some reason. One world order, a dictator, the government is going to control us, put us away in camps, yada yada yada. And believe me, I don't necessarily trust the government too, but I'm not letting that destroy my peace right now. I'm too obsessive with other issues in my life. Put that into the mix and I'll end up in some psyche ward soon enough.

My new obsession deals with the government putting tainted shit into our food. We have GMO and hormone filled produce and meat to contend with and this affects us "now" as we live -- not when we're no longer here. It affects our health, our children's emotional and physical well-being.  I guess you can say my new "obsession" is based on fear, or perhaps based on health - I'm not sure which. I guess it goes hand-in-hand if you're a hypochondriac: fear of getting sick - fear of dying. All relevant. I am seeing more and more people turning into "hypochondriacs" or what some would call, "health freaks". I've been doing a lot of research online and through friends who are much more knowledgable than I am about chemicals and hormones that are pumped up into our food. Kids are drinking milk that has hormones in them, causing them to have emotional issues and overdevelopment in many young girls. The antibiotics used in order to beef up the animals are consumed by...us. This is another reason why we're going to be resistant to all antibiotics pretty soon, causing us to not recover from the flu or any other type of illnesses and infections. My mantra was always, "Eh well, if this won't kill me, a Mack truck can run me over tomorrow for all I know." And while that still may be very true, why wait it out and suffer all our lives with pain, illnesses, ailments all caused by big industries trying to make a buck and pass their product off as, "food"? When children start having anxiety, depression and all sorts of emotional issues at an early age, the first thing is to go to the doctor and get what? Antidepressants! The pharmaceutical industry loves when we rely on doctors alone. Even our dog food is tainted with crap from God knows where. Vets have to make money somehow, I suppose.

I've been following a Facebook group based on the Paleo diet. And yes, I failed a few times on this diet, but as I'm doing more and more research on it, I'm realizing it's not all about "dieting" as much as it is about cleaner food - food not tampered with by big industries. So, I'm dabbling. I'm not going to be perfect on this new venture, but I am trying to take control over what goes into my body now. The other day, I walked into the grocery store and my shopping cart was much different than it would be a month ago. Look out - because I passed up the pasta and grains. Ever since I weaned off, the distention in my upper abdominal region which was diagnosed with "gastritis" has vanished. I was never tested for gluten allergies, but I'm contributing most of the problems I have had with wheat products. Our wheat isn't the same now and as a matter of fact, Japan recently rejected the U.S.'s import of wheat because they said it wasn't suitable for human consumption. They said it was POLLUTED. The levels of GMOs that were in the wheat were unacceptable. That scared the hell out of me. I bought spaghetti squash and prepared my fresh herb sauce on it along with organic range free no hormone skinless chicken. It wasn't bad, in fact, it was pretty good to think that what I was eating was filled with tons of vitamins and not tampered with. GMOs are starting to creep up in many of our foods now. For instance, did you ever think tilapia was unhealthy? I thought it was one of the healthiest things you could eat. But it's a GMO, farm raised and it consumes its own waste. The only fish I eat is wild Atlantic kind salmon now and periodically, locally caught scallops and clams when I'm near the ocean. Fact is though, you'll never know if a restaurant is lying about their catch of the day, but at least I'm trying. I also buy from local farmers. Now there's a good and evil with that option. The good: you're buying from your local peeps which causes less emission from imported goods and you're eating fruits and vegetables that don't have chemicals on them. Win. The evil side? You better wash those greens really good. Sand will become your friend. Trust me on this one.

My thing is: why not control what you can control now, instead of being obsessed with things you can't control, like flying drones spying at your every movement. If it's not drones, they certainly have satellites peeking in. The last time I obsessed over the "government's evil plot on us", was the time I was freaked out about getting the flu shot because they all want us to stop reproducing and control us, perhaps even place us in a camp if we reject it, as one conspiracy theorist explained.  They said it was a liquid form of contraceptives and that the government was adding poisons in us. So, reject it if you're against it. I did. End of story. But to worry about one world order and things that are to happen years and years, possibly even when we're gone, is ridiculous and a waste of time. If it's going to happen, there is no way to stop it unless everybody and their mother protested and killed one another out in the streets like they do in communist countries. The difference you can make is to stop purchasing hormone based GMO filled produce and meats. Buy from local farmers. Make sure your milk is hormone-free. Grow your own vegetables. Stop supporting big pharmaceutical industries by purchasing overpriced antidepressants. Try a natural approach: meditation, vitamin D supplements, exercise, better food.  I'm taking the time to step out of the herd for once. And if I slip up, I'll try getting back up on the saddle again. By chance if the apocalypse arrives earlier than expected, please save room for me in your underground bunker. You will have one, right?

What are your thoughts about our world changing? Our food changing? Our health changing?


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Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner cheated on you? And no matter how you found out, whether it be through word of mouth, shoddy paper trails (texts) or personal investigator, your heart is just shattered into pieces. You feel betrayed and for some people, 'less than desirable' due to a 'other options' found -not necessarily better mind you. The immediate response is, "I'll get them" -- but is it really worth it? Some people have valid reasons for cheating, and yes, I said valid. Maybe they're not being paid attention to at home. Maybe their partner is abusive. And maybe, the love has just gone out the door. There are cases where the person is just genetically geared to having more than one partner, but unfortunately, making promises to only one. And while that seems unfair, it's also a stigma to be polyamorous, which that person should be and be open about it. But, society deems it "inappropriate", and with that, more people end up getting hurt. The tricky thing with a polyamorous person is, some think it's okay for them, but not okay for their significant other to do. That's when the secrets start piling up and the paper trail needs to be deleted or found.

What if you found your lover cheating on you? How would you break it to them? Would you forgive them? Give them another chance? Would you confront them? And how? One girl I read about on Yahoo News found her guy cheating on Facebook and well, let's just say the letter she wrote to him (on the left) was absolutely ingenious, however, very very twisted. I loved it. A lot of people ask, "Why put so much time and energy into something that doesn't mean anything anymore?" Because it means everything to that girl. This girl took the time and energy as she did with the relationship. So why not go all out and write a letter like this? The letter went viral and basically will forever shame this guy. The only thing I disagree with is the possibility of losing his belongings due to placing them in areas where it could be stolen. Not only can she be sued in court for this, but it's just not right. I would have packed it up and left it out on the porch or in the garage (if she has one) --- this way you're not liable for any of it. But when a woman sees "red" --- nothing will hold her back, not even consequences. How would you handle your other half roaming about?

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