Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Path

Isolated, alone and frustrated, I rub my morning eyes to see past the fog. In so many ways, my life seems to include dense fog lathering my path with its murky blanket of obscure possibilities. I’m not even sure if ‘possibilities’ is the right word. Maybe ‘challenges’ should be placed there instead. I’m not sure. Then again, maybe they come hand-in-hand. Do we notice the possibilities in our lives? Or do we choose to notice the challenges that come our way? Is the glass half empty? Are we pessimists? Or is there a way to constantly look at life in an optimistic way? It’s hard, isn’t it? Our doubts, our fears and sometimes our lack of self-confidence sometimes puts us in such a dilemma with decisions.

Decisions. Which path to choose. Are any paths the wrong path to take? I’m sure a lot of people will say, “No! Don’t take that path! It’ll lead to death and destruction,” and some will say, “All roads lead to Rome!” So, which do we believe? Which path is the “right” one? Sometimes we feel we know the ‘right path’ to take, but somehow we’re concerned with the outcome or the risk of making any wrong decisions.

Risks. There’s risk in any change of life events. There’s the risk of ending a fabulous job to take on a possibly better one. Will you like your coworkers? Will you enjoy the work more? Will you be happy and content there? What about making decisions regarding your love life? Will this person make you happy? Will he/she make you laugh all the time? Will they take care of you when you’re sick? How are they in a pressured situation? Can they handle a lot? Or are they weak? Can you fully trust this person? How well and how long does it take to know someone before you finally make that big move? Time will tell. How much time do we really have?

Do you see how I drive myself insane with endless self-dialogs in my head? I think too much. It’s an Aquarian thing they say. I hate to get into astrological jibber-jabber. They say we’re too analytical. I dissect every little piece of my life down to the bone. It’s exhausting. I sometimes dwell on things that I shouldn’t entertain the mere thought of. Why do I keep torturing myself? I give myself anxiety and panic of the possibilities of absolutely anything and everything. I fear life. I fear myself. I fear making wrong decisions. But that’s life, right? Life is all about risk taking and making life decisions that are crucial to our lifestyle.

Life changes. We all go through them at some point in our lives. I’m talking about life altering changes. How do you handle them? Do you get frantic and all out of control over a situation you can’t get a grasp on? Or do you let God handle everything? How do you let God handle everything? It seems hard, doesn’t it? “Let go…and let God.” Sometimes I feel like that’s giving up all my control. Then I think, why would I want to have all the control when I can’t even trust my own actions? God can handle this much better than I can. Don’t I trust Him? Is it that I think I’m better than God? Silly. God made me! God directs my life and guides me. This doesn’t mean I take the path that God would rather me on, yet still…he’s always there, even when I take the crooked path.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Right there, it says that God will direct my paths. My own understanding is foggy, like I said before. So, trusting my judgment on certain issues in my life is a risk in itself. My own understanding is murky, and full of uncertainty. I’m beginning to learn, that when I make decisions, they’re not always clear. When I ask God for guidance about what I should do—it becomes more evident that I’m no longer confused anymore. God does things for reasons that are unknown to all of us. We can’t see the big picture, but He can. He does what’s best for us, and He never lets us down. We may come across problems and challenges that stumble through our paths, but He’s always there to walk us through it.

Today, I’ve decided to place all my fears, problems, issues, decisions and life altering changes that may affect myself, as well as other people in my life…in God’s hands.

I ask if you’d please keep me in your prayers during this time. I know I’m being vague with a lot of stuff that could be written down, but I’m remaining a bit quiet due to respect for people involved.

Thank you for all the supportive e-mails and comments you have left for me.


EDIT: Laura Elizabeth gave me this site which relates very much to this post. Thank you! Please click here to read this short prayer. Thank you very much for sending this my way.