Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Found a New Drug Dealer

Yesterday was a trying day. As I’ve written before in my previous posts, my current psychiatrist has a personality of a rock. Granted, his words of wisdom that flow out of his mouth only once a year should be cherished, but the fact still remains, he sits there like a zombie and doesn’t say anything at all. If he does, it’s, “So when do you want to reschedule?”

Finally, I found a new doctor. I’m trying him out. Madelene came along with me for the ride. We walked into this small office full of people waiting. I approached the receptionist’s glass window and she gave me a ton of papers to fill out. You can’t help but hear everything that goes on in that office—it’s that small.

“No! We fit you in for 4pm this afternoon! Other than that, if you want to cancel this appointment, it won’t be until October…..No! I can’t!......What?......I’m sorry, you’ll just have to do the best you can!.....Well I’m so sorry to hear that.” The receptionist screams into her phone as she covers up the mouthpiece, looking in my direction as if she was going to say something. She whispers to me, “I’m sorry if I sound rude, but this patient cancels 90% of her appointments, please forgive me.”

Why is she apologizing to me? And why do I have to know about this woman’s appointment problems?

Then I see him. The doc. He comes out, and says, “I have your charts—I’ll be back momentarily!” He seemed as though he was a very high-energy kind of guy, short, stocky, a bit overweight and Jewish. The beanie gave it away, along with his full grown in beard. I believe he was orthodox---he didn’t have any curls or thick coke bottle glasses. I didn’t care; I just wanted a good psychiatrist.

Then the door opens from behind me. “Hi,” the doc says, trying to surprise me from another entryway. I wasn’t amused. Just get me into the office and help me please!!!

The office was beautiful actually. He sat me down on this huge couch that literally sunk my ass down to the floor. It was too comfortable. I knew I was going to have trouble getting out of this sofa.

“You don’t even know what we go through around here. Our patients are constantly calling in and canceling, which is why we’re having a problem with this one girl. We used to be upstate for a while, and recently moved down here. And now she can’t get a ride, or she’ll take a bus here, but says she doesn’t have money to take a bus…yet she has money to pay for the five medications I prescribe to her.” Doc says, with excitement in his voice, as his beanie flies across his desk. He gracefully picks his beanie back up and places it back on his bald spot.

“So why are you here today, Deb?” As he’s looking at my charts that explain my very reasoning.
“Anxiety and panic attacks plus depression episodes.”
“How long have you had this?”
“Since I was sixteen years old.”
“Repeat after me…Red banana…75 Washington Street…and freedom.”
“Red banana, 75 Washington Street, and freedom.”
“Good. I’ll ask you to repeat those again at a later time.”
“What does this mean…People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones?”
“References to hypocrites.”
“Say the months of the year backwards.”

Okay, so now I feel as though I’m doing some sort of sick sobriety test. I knew it was some sort of IQ test. I’ve been told by one psychiatrist before that my IQ was too high to have any sort of mental problem. To me, I think people with mental disorders have more of a intellectual outlook on the world. There’s a fine line between insanity and intelligence.

Long story short…or short story long….I explained to Doc that my anxiety attacks has lessened throughout the course of the years, however my bouts of depression seems to last bit longer. I still have a touch of agoraphobia, but I’m pretty sure I can zap that one, since I’m able to go into a grocery store without passing out.

Doc kept writing…and writing…and writing…and writing. Then his cell phone rings with a strange song. It was his physician’s office. He was scheduling a cholesterol and blood pressure test. He went on and on about how his wife kept nagging him to get this done. His friend recently had a stroke and he doesn’t want to be part of the statistics, as he kept munching on his Frito Lays. Then the woman he was talking with on the phone made an appointment with him. It was a business trade off that lasted a whole twenty minutes.

What is with these doctors taking calls on my time??? I am happy to report that after his phone call, he apologized and said he would give me twenty minutes extra. That was nice—but what if I had somewhere to go after that? Unreal.

Then he went into his life story about his wife worrying about his health and how the Goldberg family tree was dwindling off due to bad food and overeating. Why do I need to hear this? I’m a very compassionate person when someone is talking to me about their health--but for the love of God this is my time! I’m paying YOU to tell me about your health problems? I’ll send him the bill in the mail.

“Well, it sounds to be that you have bouts of depression with some highs to go with it. This is called bi-polar II. What that means is, you don’t experience abnormal highs, but your lows last longer than usual. I’m prescribing Lamictal to you.” He says, as he’s already writing out the script. His beanie fell once again, and he gracefully picked it up, placed it back on his bald spot as if nothing happened.
“Isn't that an anti-seizure medication, Doc?”
“It can be used for that…This medication will stabilize your moods and reduce the amount of highs and lows you are experiencing. Now, the one thing I must tell you, is that you may get Steven Johnson’s Syndrome from this.”
“Steven Johnson’s Syndrome?”
I asked.
“Yes, it’s a syndrome that occurs with this medication. It starts off as a rash, then goes into lesions, which can eventually turn into blisters in your mouth that go straight back into your throat. This syndrome can be very fatal if not treated immediately. Get medical attention right away if you experience this.”

Deb’s anxiety goes way up! I can’t believe this guy was giving me some weird ass medication that’s going to make my skin look as though it’s inside-out. He then reached over in his closet and took out a huge case of this medication to give to me.

“Please start off slowly with this. It’s very important you don’t go right into the recommended dosage. If you do, you will get this syndrome. Now can you repeat the three things I said to you before please?” He says, as his beanie fell right into my lap.
"Red banana, 75 Washington Street and freedom."
"Very good. See you next month."

I didn’t want to reject his script right there. I wanted to walk out and think about this suicide pill before making any decisions.

I explained to Madelene what these new pills may do to me. She was shocked and told me her friend almost died from this! Why is this doctor giving me a medication that will make me have anxiety? Why would any doctor risk the chance of their patients getting this syndrome? I’d rather live with my mental disorders and anxiety, rather than take something that’ll literally kill me. Look at these photos below. I know these photos may be alarming, but think if you had to take this medication.
I seriously think there are no ‘good’ doctors out there. The more I go to these doctors, the more normal I feel. From a psychiatrist that doesn’t say one word in our session, to a hyperactive Jewish man who has diarrhea of the mouth with a bouncy beanie. I don’t know which one is worse!

Again, calling all doctors! Calling all doctors! If you know a doctor in the New York area that you think may be helpful, please e-mail me.

This is going to be me in a psyche ward soon...rocking back and forth humming like a mental patient, cutting out little paper people. Don't let me get this far guys! Help me! I need a good doc!


J R Estelle said...

Oh screw that noise. My roommates are PhD psychologists and belong to a national organization. I assume you live near or in NYC, so I can ask them for a recommendation.

In regards to your comment on my blog, I actually met the woman who made the comment, we were moving furniture when she stopped doing what she was doing and made that comment. before that, I had never met this person, ever.

Grant said...

I like the way you make me feel so healthy.

I go now to kill and eat people at random. :p

Pittchick said...

You couldn't pay me enough to take a "medicine" that had those side effects!
Good luck with your doctor search, sorry I can't help you find anyone.

samuru999 said...

What an idiot Doctor????
I cannot believe he would give a medication like that!
Those pics are so shocking!
My broter-in-law lives in Manhattan.
He is a little nutty, and is always trying to tell my husband how to live his life!
It's possible he may know of a good Doc... I will check with him.
Can't hurt to ask anyway!

Deb... just stay far away from
this idiot Dr.
Take care!

ell said...

holy cow!! how can a medication that has the slightest chance of causing a condition like that, even be on the market??? that blows my mind.

good luck finding a good doctor. wish i had a recommendation for you.

TrappedInColorado said...

Holy WTF, Batman! I assume you are not going to take that medication. So, let's move on.

How about a psychologist instead of psychiartrist? How about changing their titles to words that are easier to spell?

You seem to be handling most of this on your own anyway.

Geesh.. pay be $100/hr. I'll pay for the martinis. Once a week and you will be cured.

Sorry, don't mean to make light of your OCD. I was able to conquer mine on my own probably because it was not as intense as yours.

Hey! You didn't call me about the Level test!!!!!


~Deb said...

You know what’s funny though? Those prescription medication pill commercials that list the side affects faster than an auctioneer.

Side affects include nausea, dizziness, dryness of the mouth, increased urination, diarrhea, constipation, bowel dysfunction, damage to the liver, memory loss, brain damage, heart attack, stroke and death. Ask your doctor if this medication is right for you.

It doesn’t make sense, especially when it’s for an allergy pill! Remember those commercials where the girl is outside and she’s allergic to pollen or something---so she’s gonna risk her LIFE over sneezing a little bit?


I would use a psychologist----that would work better since most therapists know cognitive behavior therapy, but I am on ativan/lorazopam which is an anti-anxiety pill--which only an MD or psychiatrist can prescribe.

I should just stick to the Ketel One, huh?

Maddie said...

There is no way you are taking those pills! EEEEKKK! I am sure you have a Dr. on the burner, one will not have a beanie problem or personal phone call-taking issue. They are lucky to talk to you, you have a great perspective on a wide array of subjects. I think you can give them some help!

Russ said...

Let's see. Here's a guy who's willing to let YOU pay HIM so HE can take phone calls and talk about his life - even when the purpose of the visit is to talk about you and your problems. Then he prescribes something that could cause you serious damage. I'm gonna vote that you keep looking for a good doctor!

Russ said...

Oh, and maybe there's a REASON people keep canceling their appointments there. That doesn't seem to be normal for a doctor's office.

~Deb said...

Maddie: I'm afraid of Tylenol. You really think I would take those suicide pills??? ha!!!

Russ: You have a point! They all were canceling left and right. It's like a company where all their employees keep leaving--gotta wonder about the management there.

Miss 1999 said...

Deb- Once again, avoid this quack like the plague!!! I cannot BELIEVE he would EVEN ATTEMPT to put you on something so dangerous!

I know you have OCD. You do suffer from depression and panic attacks. I do too. But girl, we are NOW the majority. Over half of all Americans suffer from some form of depression/anxiety. If you've got a medication that's working for you right now, stick with it- and tell these nutjob psychs to stick it!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

i will console you free of charge, i love u that damn much

kathi said...

Yeah, give someone with paranoid tendencies a prescription with a warning of death or deformity. Your new shrink needs a shrink.

ditto bossy, I'll treat ya for free...and I'll share my meds if you're nice. :)

~Dawn said...

That man is a man in a rut who needs to take a vacation...

Those pictures would scare any non-ocd person.

Lisa said...

Deb...ummmm....I'm at a loss after those pics, but I'm thinking this would be a good time to say no to drugs.

Please ignore the following and do as I say, not as I do.

Ummm....Kathi....you mean all I had to do was be nice to get you to share your drugs? Do I get a second chance?

├ůsa said...

Deb! The strange doctors you meet are great material for a sitcom or something! If you can’t find someone who makes you feel better: get rich instead. Just a thought. Good luck!!! There must be a “normal” doctor out there. Even in your neck of the woods.

Madelene Rose said...

Shock & Awe couple with genuine disgust. I'm glad you're not gutsy enough to take your chances and mess up God's gift! Yo body!

Oh chil' yo scayd me half to deth! Nuff said! No more horrifying pix! Else I'll die of fear..

I had to come here several times cuz I could not scroll down enough to comment.

Madelene Rose said...


DaBich said...

Deb ~ this may sound far-fetched. But have you checked into Christian counseling in NY? This is a smaller city I live in (35,000) and there are a couple. I don't know about prescribing meds tho. But it can't hurt to try. God Bless, and hang in there girl!

Leesa said...

I would not go back - just because of the phone call. But he sounds like a hoot.

~Deb said...

Miss 1999: You’re right. The majority of people are either in counseling or on some sort of medication. I really feel that everybody needs some sort of counseling—and/or their way of coping, like yoga, meditation and vigorous workouts. Whatever works, right?

Bossy: Let me lay on your couch as you counsel me with your words of wisdom!

Kathi: I know—right!? My heart was coming out of my chest when he told me the biggest side effect. I’m gonna need more than your scripts Kath!

Dawn: No kidding. The man is high-strung and is in need of pins for that beanie of his.

Lisa: Those pictures are awful, but that’s the worse case scenario where that syndrome can lead to. Oh and believe me, I am saying no to drugs. I’ll stick to my alcohol instead. Worst side effect: Hangover.

Asa: You know, there should be a show out there that has these wacky doctors pushing freaky meds out to their patients. Normal doctors—ha! Naw, I have seen a few normal doctors, but they are ALL booked. I should have known when this guy had many openings.

Madelene Rose: Did I traumatize you with those pictures? I apologize.

Dabich: I have. Absolutely none. I went to one years ago, and she was basically ‘opinionated’ about my lifestyle of being gay and also having faith in Jesus. So, she was one of those Christian radicals who were ready to pounce with judgment. Aren’t counselors not supposed to be critical? Especially a Christian? Hmm…

Leesa: The phone call thing annoyed me. My current doc does that all the time and I feel like ripping the cord right out of the wall.

AWE said...

No way I would take that.

bigdaddy said...

I also suffered from deppression, I went on Prozac and never had a desire for sex. So I quit taking that. I still have some lows but I try and think of all the positives in my life IE; family, friends, nice house, car, love. I snapped out of my lows when I thought about all those people that have it worse than me. I used to escape to poetry a lot, a lot of my poems are about death or hating myself and recently I mixed in some happy poems. Poetry was a way for my to express how I feel without anyone knowing. It was hard for my to cover up depressing being a jock and trying to be cool. I use my blog to post my poems, check them out let me know what you think. Remember- honesty is the solution to most problems.

The Absent Minded Landlord said...

I can't believe he answered the damned phone! I get pissed when someone doesn't have their phone on silent while doing something important, much less answer it. That alone would make me yell "NEXT!"

tamar said...

He tried to surprise you by coming out the sode door?? That's adorable! But that session was a nightmare! Ha ha, those 'beanies' can be secured firmly w a little bobby pin, or velcro.. Helpful hint #36 from your little Jewish sister

Laura Elizabeth said...

"What is with these doctors taking calls on my time???"

This is what I don't get. You are there for you. They are there for you. Telephone calls, food, personal chatter do not enter the mix. Period. Is this normal for therapists?

I wish I had someone to suggest to you.

Baxter said...

oh come on, he's funny! although wtf is the whole red banana thing about. but anyway steven johnson's thingy is really rare. i havent gotten it, neither has my best friend or her mom, and we all take lamictal. and how would you like to be a fat jewish man? cmon, cut him some slack.