Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Revisiting An Old Friend

Is it love that truly defines us? Or is it a matter of finding ourselves that truly make us who we are today? Does the past dictate the person we now know ourselves to be? Or is the ‘present’ time the main focus of our whole being?

We do things for people for what? For love, right? Or we do things for people out of motives? What motives do you have when you go out of your way for someone? Things that have been debated and thought about baffle your mind. Sometimes you don’t even know if it’s out of love, or if it’s out of some motive that you’re trying to accomplish. The two get easily confused; much like love and lust. How do you decipher which is the 'true love’ aspect of it all. Does lust turn into love? Love hardly ever turns back into lust—unless some wacky sex counselor gives you some freaky advice.

With love, you’re willing to take those quixotic steps to try to make your partner as happy as he/she could be. You would jump through hoops for them. The one thing that is different than the good deeds done without motives is---you don’t expect anything back in return. You do it so that other person can feel comfortable and happy.

Motives are usually hidden . They’re hard to pin out. If you’re open-minded enough and have a tinge of intuition going on in that little noggin of yours, you can truly determine what people are up to. I had a friend once tell me, “Deb, pray that the motives of the person you’re dealing with comes to the light and reveals itself.” I did this. I took my friend’s advice. I prayed and meditated on it. The next day, my friend’s motives were revealed as plain as day. Nothing she has ever done was out of ‘love’; it was pure motive-related.

Especially if you’re in a high end position career-wise. Do you notice people around you? Do you notice special treatments and behaviors being swooned your way by co-workers and employees? What are their motives? A promotion? A ‘good word’ to the big cheese? Or simply to just rub shoulders with those who can ‘do things’ for you.

It’s one thing to be venerated by those who surround you. But it’s another thing when people take full advantage of the position you’re in to simply get from point A to point B to make their lives better. It’s not fair, but it’s human nature.

Making a conscious effort in trying to analyze each person’s motives can get extremely exhausting. We should live life to its fullest and let people do their thing. I don’t insinuate that you should make yourself out to be a door mat, but be alert and know when someone is using you.

I was flummoxed once by the mindset and motives of someone I thought very highly of. We were personal friends and began pursuing an intimate relationship a long time ago. She was an enigma. I couldn’t figure her out. Why should we try to figure out the motives of the people we ‘love’? It’s sad sometimes, but it’s the truth. We all have to be careful—even with those we love.

You can tell I have trust issues just by reading this post. I guess from experience and many disappointments, I come to realize that people will always disappoint us. God will never. I rely on God to guide me to people who are trustworthy. Sometimes He’ll put a complex and mysterious person in my path to learn a certain lesson. So with that, I’m fully aware that we are all here for the ‘experience’ of life; to ride through the journey so we can learn as much as we can—even if it is through other people’s behaviors.

They say our past is what makes us who we are ‘now’. I believe that. I feel if I hadn’t gone through the turmoil with my past relationships, my union between my partner and I would have failed years ago. There are certain characteristics that change within us when we learn more about the people in our lives now, and the people in our lives from the past. Compare each one and figure out where you want to be. Never mourn for the past to be present again, because it was all completed for a reason. There’s no use to rehash what’s been revealed and destroyed. We should be able to move on and be happy with what we have now.

Why flirt with the idea of hypothetical questions? What if we could turn back time and do it all over again? I believe destinies and paths taken would crumble before our eyes and revisit those hurtful traumas of the past that we simply put on the back burners of our minds. Do you really want to revisit that time when you were hurt so badly? Do you want to reopen the wounds that left you in pain for many years? Or have you simply forgotten that it was traumatic for both parties involved?

And yes, to answer your question, the grass always looks greener. It’s Satan’s way of saying, “Come out and play!”