Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The 'Goddess'

We all had our little crushes on someone when we were younger. I wonder if ‘puppy love’ can be ‘true love’. How do you know you’re in love---when you’re just a kid? Is it possible for a kid of fourteen years old to be in love? Well, I’m going to tell you about my first heartbreak; my very first crush. I still suffer from it today. It had a huge impact on me---and it still does.

I had this major crush on my neighbor since----forever------probably since I was ten years old. She was a goddess! (Still is!) She had bright blonde hair that fell past her shoulders, and beautiful crystal blue eyes. She looked like she was eighteen years old. All the older guys hit on her—not realizing her age. I think everyone had a slight crush on her. She was way too intelligent and too mature-looking for her age.

We would wait for the bus together and we would always hang out after school and have sleepovers. Oh get your head out of the gutters people! We were kids! I was still in the closet, and dating boys. I was so jealous when The Goddess’ had a boyfriend--especially when she brought a ‘boy’ home after school. I was so jealous! The love of my life has this little twirp in her house.

New Years Eve came. ‘The Goddess’ invited me over to hang out. Usually, she holds these big parties—but it was just us and no one else. I. was. in. heaven. I thought, “Oh my Gawd! She invited just me over! On New Years!!!” Her parents were partying down the road with their friends. We thought they were old at the time, but they were only thirty-five. Wow, and I’m approaching that age in a few years myself. (Not a word Romey boy!)

‘The Goddess’ starts grabbing beer from her fridge. We start drinking and hanging out talking. Of course we did those little girl things---we danced and sang like a bunch of wannabe American Idols and played silly drinking games. Yeah Kath—you should watch out when you go out next time. Aren’t your boys this age now?

Exhausted from the entertainment that we performed for no one, we fell on the couch together. She was lying aside from me—holding my hand. We were laughing, but inside, I felt like kissing her. I didn’t let go of her hand. I kept holding on…and so did she. We were quiet for the next ten minutes, laying there, holding each other’s hand without saying a word. Then she just got up, and went to grab her second beer.

Did I lose my opportunity? Should I have done something? Or would she have slapped me across the face? I didn’t know. I just wanted to stay there forever. I sat down on the recliner and began to watch the New Years Eve shows. ‘The Goddess’ squished her way in the recliner with me. Keep in mind—this recliner was made for ‘one’. Part of her leg was resting on mine. Once again, I was back in heaven. We stayed there all night, with a blanket on top of us---until the damn phone rang and it was my mother.

“Get back to the house—ya grandmutha wants to see ya!” My mother says, sort of slurring her words. My family would still be partying well after midnight. My grandmother and I were quite similar in a lot of ways—we loved our beer and we were both born on February 4th. We had everything in common—except our lifestyles of course. While everyone else drank their martinis and scotch on the rocks---my grandmother would be slugging her beer, bringing people out to dance with her. I miss her.

“I have to go.” I told ‘The Goddess’. “I’m sorry. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“That’s okay. My parents will be home any minute anyway. Drop by tomorrow.”
She said, as she gave me a big hug. I never wanted to leave those hugs. I hopped on my trike (three-wheeler motorcycle) and drove off to my house. It was my only means of transportation.

The next few weeks riding on the school bus with her, and going to school, I found that we stopped talking as much. Our friendship was there, but it wasn’t as close. I always sat in the backseat of the bus with a bunch of my friends, and she sat in the middle section with her preppy cheerleader friends. I always sat with the crowd that always got in trouble.

I started seeing a boy that I really liked. We would hang out almost everyday after school along with a bunch of other kids. We all had four-wheeler motorcycles and would ride throughout the Appalachian trails. We always partied at the same spot and made bonfires as we drank our beer. ‘The Goddess’ and I almost stopped hanging out completely. It felt strange and I didn’t know why she was acting so different towards me now. We even snubbed one another in the hallways of our school while going to our next class. We became strangers.

One day while riding the bus home from school, a girl came up to me yelling and screaming. It was one of the ‘cheerleader’ girls that ‘The Goddess’ had with her. She wasn’t a regular on our bus. She was going home with ‘The Goddess.’

“How dare you call me a bitch! Who the hell are you to call me a bitch! You even called me a whore!” She yelled out, grabbing onto the bus seats to hold her balance.
“What? Who are you?” I asked, trying to figure out who she was. I never saw this girl in my life—not even in my school. I had no clue what she was talking about.
“I heard you called me a bitch and a whore! Wait till we get off the bus! I’m gonna kick your ass! I also know you had sex with your boyfriend already—so who’s the slut now?” She screams out, as ‘The Goddess’ just sat in her seat looking out the window. I knew something was up, because if there was any conflict on the bus, ‘The Goddess’ was the first one to look over at what was going on. She didn’t though. She knew something about this odd encounter. And by the way, I was only fourteen years old---I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend yet. But who would plant this rumor?

We all got off at the same stop, and surprisingly, the girl didn’t approach me. She just walked off with ‘The Goddess’ towards her house. It then hit me---‘The Goddess’ set this up. She had this girl verbally attack me on the bus, humiliating me in front of all my friends as they all looked on.
“Fcuk you ‘Goddess’! Don’t ever call me again!” I screamed out, across the street. She just looked back at me, almost in a sad way. Not one word came out of this vivacious beauty. She was always first to say something. I couldn’t believe how incredibly quiet she was being.

I walked into my house and straight into my room. I cried all night. I didn’t eat dinner or talk to my family. My mother was concerned. Hell if I ever missed a meal—this wasn't like me. Something had to be wrong. I couldn’t stop hysterically crying---looking at ‘The Goddess’s’ picture at the same time; hoping that my eyes would pierce her soul through the photo.

Later that evening, while my eyes were all red and puffy and hard to see out of, I slipped into the living room. I went straight for the liquor cabinet. I made myself ‘my version’ of a Long Island iced-tea. A drop of iced-tea, and a bunch of liquor---I believe I poured scotch or some whiskey in there. The amount was that of a full 8 oz glass. I drank it all. I wanted to feel numb. I then drank another. It burned.

“Debbie! Debbie! Wake up man!” My sister’s boyfriend was slapping my face, throwing cold water on me—trying to wake up from my unconsciousness. “Come on Deb! Wake up man!”

I woke up---but I couldn't breathe in or out. I started turning purple. Somehow, Bobby managed to get the air into my lungs by pulling me up and banging my back. I was sick all night—I almost died. Bobby saved my life. I’ll never forget the feeling of not being able to breathe in our out. I seriously thought that was my last day here on earth. He found me in my bedroom on the floor. My shorts were twisted around, and I somehow managed to get half my body under the bed. I don’t know how this happened, and I don’t remember---I just remember that feeling of not being able to breathe. My question is—how did Bobby know to come into my room? Why did Bobby come into my room? My sister stood outside the hallway scared. My family knew something was wrong.

A few days went by, and ‘The Goddess’ called me up. She apologized for the way her friend acted, and said she heard a rumor that I spoke of her. It was juvenile bullshit. We both said we were sorry—but till that day, we never returned to the friendship we once had. She would invite me to all her big parties and events, and I would invite her to mine—but we never hung out together alone anymore as buddies. We were now officially ‘acquaintances’.

Through the years of growing up, turning into young ladies, we would see one another periodically—because we were neighbors. We spoke and stuff, but it was different. At the age of twenty, we were still ‘awkward’. I found myself still not being able to look her in the eyes, because I didn’t want her ever knowing how I felt about her.

I watched her walk down the aisle and get married. She knew I was gay at the time, and invited Madelene and I to her wedding. When she first appeared at the doors of the church—tears began to flow nonstop. It didn’t matter, everyone was crying---because everyone loved her so much.

At the age of twenty-three, she invited me to her baby shower. I went of course and got the biggest gift on the wish list. I always flourished her with gifts—even as a kid. On top of the huge gift, was a little framed poem. It’s supposed to impersonate the new baby—speaking to its new mother. I forget the words of it—but it was so beautiful, that ‘The Goddess’s’ mother read it out loud to everyone, and started crying. They both started crying. Of course I still had ‘The Goddess’ in my heart. Even so, I wished her well. She was starting a family of her own and was about to become a mother.

Growing close to my thirties, I still saw ‘The Goddess’. She started working for a nearby jewelry store—which I always go to. She always greeted me with a kiss and a hug. I asked her about her two kids, and she asked me about Madelene. I still had a hard time looking into her eyes for some reason. I mean, come on—it’s been twenty years and I still can’t look this woman in her eyes? She helped pick out the rings that Madelene and I exchanged for one another. She knew how much I paid for the rings, she knew exactly when Madelene and I would exchange the rings and where we would do this—she knew that Madelene was the one I chose. She knew my whole life—though she wasn’t in it. Even when Madelene and I broke up, I bought her a huge diamond ring to make up for the hurt I caused her. ‘The Goddess’ picked it out.

Everything Madelene is wearing was picked out by ‘The Goddess’. Madelene loves ‘The Goddess’ and they always talk when they bump into one another. ‘The Goddess’ always invites me over when I’m in the jewelry store.

“Come by Deb! I mean, we’re neighbors!” She always says that—but never ‘calls me up’ to invite me. I don’t know if it’s sincere. We never spoke about what initially broke up our friendship later on through the years, but when we do see one another—it’s very familiar and feels ‘warm’ --and yet it also feels awkward.

I think the biggest fear about being friends with her now is--she’ll find out somehow. She’ll find out that I was totally head over heels for her. How? ...Through my eyes.

Whenever I hear a kid in their early teens saying, “I’m so in love with him/her!” I don’t take it lightly. I believe them.

52 comments:

Mike said...

Yanno...puppy love can be so intense....kids probably shouldn't be allowed to feel that way....look at the rate of teenage suicides....the majority of which seem to involve this.

Great post fraggle!!...Glad ya got this out before I go to work.

Mike said...

I WAS 1ST!!!!!!!!

SCORE!!!!!!!

~Deb said...

Alright Mikey---you get a prize! First commenters receive a free gift!

AWE said...

No fair I got called away from my desk.

I truly believe in teenage love. I had my heart ripped out and it changed who I was and who I became. It put a shell around me that will never be fully cracked.

Grant said...

I think only teenagers can fall that madly in love. At least its easier before you develop a sense of moderation.

Of course, I say that even I just fell in love with my dentist (google Ninja Bunny Dentist for the story) last year. I'm always worried she'll figure it out, even though I'm usually in intense pain while she's treating me. Not that I mind.

Mike said...

Why do I get a vision of a 'booby' prize now?....Of course your interpretation of that...may differ from mine....Now it's off to work I go...and to think of boo......er.....prizes now...thanks!

Thanks for that.

Seriously.

Have a great day Fraggle!!

boobbies....heh, heh......she said prize....I think of boobies.....go figure.

~Deb said...

Awe: Your first heartbreak somehow always haunts you---doesn’t it?

Grant: I did fall that madly in love again…I do believe in falling in love a number of times. It depends on ‘that person’ you fall for. Each person is so different though.

Mike: I think you're looking for "Hooter's Blog"... This is a family type of blog...ha...imagine that?

I hear Hooter's has some great wings! ;)

Shannon said...

It's funny you should bring this up...It's kinda like what you posted before.. about not forgetting your first... first love, first concert and so on..

I think teenage/puppy love is real. I would never discredit anyone especially a teenager that feels that way. I dated a guy for 5 yrs, 7th-11th grade and I still love him to this day. We are friends now but I know it was real, we went thru alot and he will always have a piece of my heart. I am 27 now, and I still feel that way, so does he.

You will always have eyes for your first love...but it's precious.. and pure.. =)

*Sigh*... you had to bring this up right around Valentines Day!! LOL..

~Deb said...

I know, I'm such a witch Shannon! But it's true---you just can't get them out of your heart no matter what. And even though the feelings may be a 'tad' different---they're still alive in your heart. Be happy that you're still friends with your first love! :)

Amz said...

Aww...my mom use to tell me my first boyfriend was puppy love. I have thought on it so many times and I have come to the conclusion it was the only time I have ever been in love at all. He was 6 years older than me...we started dating when I was 14...lol, unlike you I was having sex with my man at 14 ;) we were together for almost 4 years. i lost him when he got into heroin...a girl just can't compete with a drug like that. i didn't know how good i had it with him. i have never again been treated so wonderfully as he treated me. god he was so amazing.

i say this, tell the goddess. just put a smile on your face and say "man i had the biggest crush on you when we were kids!" and then just say "you know what happened with the girl on the bus that time? that was so weird!"...say it in a non agressive open way and you'll get your answers. then you can let it stop torturing you! you are not a little girl anymore! you are a lovely grown woman and nothing she says in response will destroy you. in fact it might just set you free.

Deadly Female said...

Those feelings are heart-rippingly intense.

Deb, I never know what to say when I come over here - your posts are always so well written and poignant, everyone that comments here seems so eloquent and I always feel just a little inadequate. I just wanted to explain why I find it hard to comment with more than just one line. Sometimes I can't say anything at all - and that's the reason why. I'm working on it though, hence the explanation xx

normiekins said...

what a beautiful story deb......first loves never leave your heart or mind EVER.....mine was in college 20 years ago and if i saw him today my heart would race and all those feelings would come back i just know it! Thanks to bobby for finding you!

~Deb said...

Amz: You know----I’ve encountered some of my friends using heroin and it’s so hard to compete with that drug-----you’ll always come in second with something like that….this I know too well. Sorry you had to go through that.

You know something? If I ever do accept that invite to her house for a glass of wine—as she says----I will say it JUST like that too. That’s weird that you should suggest that. I think she’ll be flattered if anything.

DeadlyFemme: Why don’t you know? You and I have a lot of similarities---not just because we love women, but because we go through similar motions. Your blog alone expresses so much. I know you can relate to what I’m talking about most of the time. Always feel free to say how you feel – I love that. Thank you for commenting today! I appreciate it. We’re ‘sisters’.

Normiekins: Thanks…Isn’t it weird how the heart never forgets---but the mind can from time to time? I’m so glad Bobby helped me that night. I literally almost killed myself for that girl. The sad thing is---she never even knew….and she still doesn’t know.

Thanks guys!

AWE said...

I am lurking on your comment section again.

I have to agree with "deadly female". Sometimes it is hard to post a comment on your site, your words can be so meaningful and intimidating at the same time. I like to throw out the one liners, which you seem to take in stride.

And speaking of Hooters check out this story about a local chearleader. It is the top story, welcome to my part of the country. http://www.johnsoncitypress.com/

~Deb said...

Awe: Even if it's a 'serious' post----I love those types of comments where it's taken lightly--joking around--in jest, etc... It lightens the mood up. I never get offended---even when wiseass Mike comes on here making fun of me. It's all good! Thanks Awe!

Buffy said...

I've still not gotten over my Bo Duke crush. Its why I watch Smallville. *Sigh*

~Deb said...

Don't feel bad. I'm still addicted to "7th Heaven"...as well as "The Gilmore Girls"...

Amz said...

:) great minds think alike! and i definately think she will be flattered if anything.

i know...heroin...god he was such a great person and people are always confused when you put the words "heroin addict" and "good person" in the same sentence...but he was...he was the most awesome man i have ever known outside of my family. the heroin though just eats them away...and then they are gone...it is like watching someone kill themselves. actually that is exactly what you are watching :(

kathi said...

I fell in love so many times I can't even remember the faces anymore. Use to forget names, now it's faces.
My first kiss with the guy that just got out of juvie was behind the library on my 13th bday...yeah...in love.
Two big loves in high school. Still occasionally google them.
My first hubby (that love/hate/think about ways to kill and get away with it kind of love).
There was the guy I lived with and thought about marrying in Florida (can't remember his name).
A couple of guys in Indy that were so waaaayyyyy to good for me that I forced them away...dang, what were their names.
And...then there's that guy I'm sleeping with now. He's pretty cool, cooks and all. If I forget his name I can always check out the insurance card. :)

rachel audio said...

Whenever I hear a kid in their early teens saying, “I’m so in love with him/her!” I don’t take it lightly. I believe them.


deb,

for everything you were to me and did for me at that time in my life, thank you. and, thanks for just putting up with me back then. it meant more than you know.

~Deb said...

Amz: One day I hope to tell her… Yes---heroin will literally destroy you. I will say that I am happy to say that my friend who had been on it for quite a while is now clean from it. I hope she continues with her success.

Kathi: Google can be such an evil tool! I was googled by an ex once—pretty funny. I’ve only had three ‘big loves’ before---other than that---they were just friends with benefits basically…Relationships---but it wasn’t ‘love’. If you forget your hubby’s name and start googling him, I’m going to worry about you Kath!

Rach: I still love ya kiddo! You’re due for a post of your own. That’s a whole other story for everyone. I've known you for almost eight years now--and you've put up with my crap as well! Great friend you are!

(C. Love) haha!

Leesa said...

I have been reading a lot about first loves lately. Must be near Valentine's day!

kathi said...

I won't forget my hubby's name. It's next to mine on our checks. :)

rachel audio said...

i want both pics from that night. and i will wait on that post...my dearest courtney. beheh. bitch.

<3

~Deb said...

Leesa: Ah, Valentine’s Day is all a business!

Kathi: Well then good—then you can look at the name on your check and Google his ass!

Rach: I’ll send the dreaded photos, as well as post them up for tomorrow’s ramblings. And I love the way you express your love for me. You have a way with words my love. ;)

Crassius Maximus said...

Yo, D reading that post makes me want to fall in love right about now. Anytime I read something like this post or hear a certain slow song it makes me yearn for a love I have yet to but really hope to one day feel: The truest of the true and sweetest of the sweet.Untainted by betrayal, unclouded by prejudice or a bad track record, new and real.When I was younger I had a few cracks at it(true love), but was too much of a jackass to handle it. I'm not as much of a jackass now, but the opportunities are fewer.

rachel audio said...

express my love? ive barely scratched the surface. muahaha.

seriously though. post some recent pics of me at least...considering those are horrible pics of me that you have..and ive dropped about 20lbs since then. lol

~Deb said...

Crass: I hear ya about the jackass part. I’m all too familiar with being one. (Still occasionally play that role.) Anyway, I’m sure you have plenty opportunities with that personality and dazzling smile of yours my darlin’! Jis’ saying.

Rachel: Yeh…I know this…all too well! They weren’t horrible pictures really. I’ll send them to you first, and then you let me know what you want me to pick from. I only have a few from when we hung out silly! Congratulations on losing 20 lbs! I didn't think you needed to though. :)

Fred said...

We all had our childhood crushes. Yours was complicated because you were in the closet. I wonder - do you think there was a chance she was in the closet, and still is?

~Deb said...

Fred... You're giving me depressing thoughts here since I am with someone. But I don't know if she was or not. She was so 'girly girlish', and was always into 'boys'. Right now, she's married with two kids, and I live with my partner of 12 yrs, so I don't think that'll ever be known really---unless I do accept the invite to her house for a glass of wine. Ya never know! That would be interesting to find out.

LisaBinDaCity said...

I don't think you ever get over teenage love. It's very honest and REAL. I still remember the first guy I adored, (and dang was he cute!)

100mph said...

That's a nice story, kinda' conjures up lots of forgotten images and memories for me. Ever think about writing a novel about all this? You have the writing style down, fer sure, and I know you have some stories to tell! Jis' sayin'...

DSMars said...

Beautiful post.

Romeo Jensen said...

just so you know how i think... basically all i got out of this was...

at age 10 you knew you had lesbien feelings


at age 14 you didn't have sex with your boyfriend... YET... I sooo caught the yet


that's how my... and for that matter if all the guys were to be honest... all guys brains work

what's funny is you still expect us to put the seat down when were finished... hell you girls ought to just be happy we hit the bowl

romey

~Deb said...

Lisa: Well, you sort of get over them---but it still haunts you in a way. They’re always cute, aren’t they?

100mph: I would love to hear some of your forgotten images---that would be interesting---of course—‘jis’ sayin'. No, I never really thought about putting it into a novel, however I did write a book about ‘disaster dates’…and so on which was never published. Thanks for saying that though.

Dsmars: Thanks!

Romeo: I knew I was a lil’ ol’ dyke since I was one year old---seriously. I had sex with my first boyfriend at the age of 16…(To be bluntly honest here…) And yes—I do expect all you men to put the damn seat down! And believe me—-some women can’t even go without leaving a sprinkle or two without cleaning up. Nasty.

Mike said...

I see you've been busy in my absence....lol

~Deb said...

Shush up. Your priorities are up your KaZoo----working instead of blogging. I thought I knew you Mike!

Mike said...

Well...someone has to work around here in this blog family....lol

CP said...

observation?

people fear what they don't understand. for that 'held breath' moment in time that you two were intertwined in a chair, you called everything she knew about love and life into question. you were the brave soul that delved into it head first. she backed away from probability and possibility because she was not equipped to deal with it.

if you had stolen that kiss, if you had changed that one moment in time, would you be with the love of your life today?

you saw past the superficial and into the soul of another human being. you are gracious with fond memories of her, rather than the painful memories that she caused you.

i think YOU are the true goddess here.

cp.

Zorro said...

I was 13 and used to hang out with a girl called Debbie .I had a real crush on this girl and we were inseparable for the entire holidays.

We started in the same high school together and on the 3 rd day I spotted her and ran over to say hello.

She was with her friends and turned to me and said "what do you want"! I stammered "I just wanted to say hello"

She turned to her friends and let out a huge laugh and turned to me and said "as if I would want to talk to you" and turned her back on me.

We never spoke again despite attending high school together for 6 years. We went to the same parties, attended the same classes and caught the same bus. In that time I grew from a nervous skinny pimple covered 13 year old into a confident good looking man with few anxieties.

25 years later we attended the same reunion as soon as I entered she approached me and apologized for her comments all those years ago.

I have always been very grateful for those years as the ugly duckling they gave me insight into the true nature of humanity and compassion . Many of our lessons come to us through suffering and that is why suffering has much to teach us.

Saur♥Kraut said...

Awww. Been there/done that with guys. This is another marvellous post and gives me an idea for my own blog about my first disastrous crush.

I soon got over it all and moved on. It's pretty easy for me to chuck the feelings and get on with it, with only one exception (an ex-fiance) that I still remember relatively fondly and wonder how he's doing. He wouldn't date anyone else for years after we broke up and won't return my calls any more (he finds he's incapable of being just friends and it really rips him apart). I try to respect his wishes, but hope he's happy and well.

becca said...

Wow Deb, this is a touching story, one can easily relate to because the backstabbing she did to you makes puppy love bittersweet, sweet always but painful as you look back.

Though I don't care much for my first crush now, like you, I don't think I can look them in the eye too.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

First love iz whatitiz..1st...and it usually comes when 1 person enters yer life atta TIME in yer life when you have the ROOM in yer life fer someone to be "your everything"...I'm thinkin' that the older we get, other responsibilities and interests fill up our lives so much that if the NEXT love in our lives fails to work out, at least we have sumpthin' else to deal with other than the "everything" that we jus' lost...in "First Love"...there IZ nothing else..
Puppy love, 1st love, whatever, ifyer lucky ya usually find out that there's sumpthin BETTER down the road...It becomes a healthier more realistic "validation" of yer existence...But the 1st one?...You ain't EVER gonna git over/fergit it...'Specially someone like you, ~deb...who's gotta lotta love ta offer...

Pass the Wingz,

Anna Beer

The Stevo in H-Town said...

...and NOBODYZ gonna tell me my first one wuzn't real...take that up with my heart...

Mike said...

Oh MY gOD....someone called you a goddess.....pisses me off that I didn't think of it 1st.....I blame it on too much work....or something.

~Deb said...

CP: Wow, thank you so much for saying that. I do have fond memories of her---and remember mostly the good parts of our friendship. It kills me that she never knew…or did she? I’m not sure, but I hate the fact that she never knew—or heard it from me. I don’t think I would ever tell her either…not sure.

Zorro: Those Debbie’s---you gotta watch out for! It’s always years later when they finally realize, “Hey, not a bad catch after all!” Right? I do believe and have faith that everything happens for a reason. Great story! Thank you for sharing that.

Saur: I seem to relate a lot with you. I have an ex (like your ex-fiance) who I will always love. She seems to not want to be ‘too much in contact’, or be real friends ‘in real life’, due to emotions and what not. It’s understandable. We stick to those periodic emails here and there. We both can’t handle being around one another------because of lingering feelings possibly----but that’s another one that’s hard to get over. I have 3 tough cookies to get over. I’m glad all of them are happy and well though.

Becca: Hey sweetie! Well, I’m not sure why she had that girl come up to me and curse me out----but I have a weird feeling that it had something to do with my boyfriend or something she heard---I forget, but I remember I had absolutely NO clue to why she did that to me. It’s over and done with---and we both apologized, but it does still hurt to know I lost her over a stupid juvenile fight.

Stevo: First loves, I had three first loves. All of them thinking, “Wow---I’ve never been in love like that before!” So----I guess you can say I had three ‘great loves’ of my life that I’ll always remember. Each one grew stronger than the one before. You’re totally right---down the road it becomes healthier and more ‘realistic’, instead of mostly fantasy---which that was the case with my friend from childhood, cause I doubt she even had a clue that I liked her ‘like that’… It sucked seeing her with other guys though---OH how that killed me! Jealousy is an ugly thing.

Pass dem’ wings Stevo and keep dat’beer flowin’!!!

J. Walker

Mikey: I’m sure you were gonna call me a Goddess. (laughs) There’s a whole list of names you wanna call me---and Goddess ain’t one of them buddy! Little wise@ss!
C’mere and give your fraggle a big hug my one-eyebrowed’ psycho!!! We'll getchya' balanced somehow or another.

I'm out of the office for the entire day----I will be back later to haunt you all!

Thanks for the great feedback!

Mike said...

Have a super day fraggle...oh...and put gas in the car today....don't be a cheapass...there are others who may want to use it later.

TrappedInColorado said...

Posts! More posts! I gotta have more posts! I have the heat. I have the need for more cowbell!!

Mike said...

Have 'em check the oil too...maybe run it through a car wash.

But the gas fill-up is the most important lil missy!

Nikki Jo said...

Wow what a great post...thank you so much for sharing this story, I'm sure it was hard for you. It's amazing that you are still able to keep in contact with the "Goddess" I don't know if I would be able to. You are a very strong individual, Deb, and I admire your strength throughout hard times.

Leesa said...

~deb, I love your stories. The part that I have the most trouble with is the part when you stopped breathing on your own. Now I am having trouble breathing! I am such a goof ball.

~Deb said...

Mike, I forgot to put gas in my car! Now I don't know if I'll make it to the damn gas station! You jinxed me you little @$(*&@($!!!!

Nikki: Thanks, I don't know if I'm that strong, but it was a hard thing to go through during that time. Thanks for stopping by!

Leesa: You're a trip! I do the same crap too! If I hear symptoms of someone else, I start getting it too. Oh we're so from the same pod girl!