Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Insanity

Another editing blunder? Editing has the same letters as dieting. They both suck. Just when I thought my book was on the press, my editor calls me up to explain that there were formatting errors. Okay, so it wasn’t an editorial blunder, it was a formatting issue.

Fine.

Eight whole hours fixing corrections, and another eight long hours of Madelene proof reading was another fiasco. Don’t editors do these things? They want approval from the author. Go with it! Take it—leave me alone now! I was getting so frustrated that I almost said, “Listen, I’ll just blog the fricken book.”

I decided not to get upset or angry, and let these agitated feelings subside. I sent the book on its way to my editor for the final revisions that needed to be fixed. I said a prayer and let the book fly. Yesterday, at 1pm, I decided that my day is officially over.

“Ma? Let’s go out to lunch, my treat.”
“Really? Great. Come down in an hour or so.”

We headed off to the place I used to bartend at. We sat down at the bar and ate lunch. It was so nice to get out of my office, and into my old atmosphere of peace and tranquility. I needed a break from the publishing company and I needed to spend more time with mom. My friends were all there, (the workers) and the chef was bartending. Hmm. Who’s cooking?

We had a nice little crowd gather at the bar. Everyone was thrilled to meet my mom. I never knew what a social butterfly my mother was. It amazed me how well she meshed with everyone, and how she needed interaction with other people---desperately. She’s retired now, and has become depressed a little. She used to work in retail for a well known company, and surrounded herself by many people. The sudden change in life of retirement had her in a state of shock. The only person she really gets to talk to is my father, and of course Madelene and I, since we both live in the upstairs apartment.

While my mom was talking up a storm, my cell phone rings at the bar. This surprised me, because I always leave my phone on ‘silent mode’, because I think it’s awful when a cell phone rings in a restaurant. My editor called.

“Everything is okay, Deb. We’re ready to go with it now.”

I thought to myself, if I would have let this stew within me all day, and stayed home waiting for his call, I would have been in my office grunting and moaning of what a pain in the butt it is to be a writer. (Or try to be.) Instead, I left it in God’s hands. I prayed before taking my mother out, and asked God to handle everything for me. He did. I had faith in Him, and I believe with all my heart that this was the work of God. He took the worry away from me. If I stayed home stewing, or if I were to go out and have fun with mom, I would have had the same answer, regardless. Which brought me to another thought—regardless of circumstances, continue your life and enjoy the journey getting there. Do we worry too much, waiting for things to happen? Do we rely on ‘ourselves’ too much—which eventually leads into stress and anxiety?

“Don’t worry about anything-instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers.” ~Philippians 4:6

Prayer is so underestimated. I feel as though God has a place for all of us. God knows the paths of our lives, and wants us to fulfill them. A lot of people, including myself aren’t sure about their destiny. I believe that if we were certain about our destination, then we wouldn’t need God at all. I’m grateful that I’m sort of ‘clueless’ about where I should be. I’m trusting God that He knows what’s best for me, regardless of where I’m at right now.

I’ve learned that in order to realize where we really need to be, we have to go through certain things; we have to try different things. If we don’t, we’ll be stuck in the same rut, overanalyzing why we’re in the same predicament. If you don’t try, you won’t know. I’ve tried numerous jobs, various positions in companies, and a whole lot of bartending jobs--to realize that these were just stepping stones. I enjoyed a lot of my ventures, but I knew in my heart that this wasn’t meant for me for the long run.

“Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat well, drink a good glass of wine, and enjoy their work—whatever they do under the sun—for however long God lets them live. And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—that is indeed a gift from God. People who do this rarely look with sorrow on the past, for God has given them reasons for joy.” ~Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

This even applies for the struggle over a past relationship. We all go through this one time or another. We’re meant to experience many things in life. I believe we learn from our ventures and through our relationships. It helps enable us to learn and grow; to learn from our mistakes. If it weren’t for our mistakes, we would keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Albert Einstein once defined insanity.

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

If we try things with a different approach, we receive different results. We also have to go through situations in order to ‘get through' them.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn and endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation.” ~Romans 5:3-4

32 comments:

Leesa said...

Thanks for the Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 quote. Never had seen it before.

Wow - you are in the home stretch with your book. Wow, am I jealous.

Mike said...

Congrats on getting the green light on the book...and kudo's for taking mom out to lunch.

~Deb said...

Leesa: I've been at the home stretch for quite sometime now...*sigh* Getting there! Thanks Leesa---you're quite a writer yourself--you should be putting books out there!

Mike: Thanks...I feel a sense of relief. Taking mom out to lunch was the best part of the deal!

art said...

Sometimes putting your faith in God will work out ok but God also helps those who help themselves. Glad you had a nice lunch with mom

art said...

Congratulations on your book!!!

~Deb said...

Good point, Art! Well, if I didn't write the book and didn't focus on getting it published, yes, I would have been in a different place. I believe with God's helping hand, I am where I'm supposed to be.

Thank you for your comments!

nosthegametoo said...

This post was an absolute joy today. Last night, a friend of mine helped me to remember to keep prayer a regular part of my life. I don't underestimate prayer, although, I do let the discipline get away from me.

This was beautiful, as usual.

~Deb said...

Sometimes we backslide and forget about prayer. Believe me, I'm guilty of it. Then I realize, "Wow my life is really out of wack lately!" Then once I pray, God reveals things to me that I never opened my eyes up to.

Amazing, huh? Thanks for your comment.

SignGurl said...

When we leave things up to God, he always takes care of it in His own way. We may not like the outcome, but there is always a reason for His decisions. :)

Congrats on the book, Deb. I can't wait to read it.

Anonymous said...

Eight whole hours of fixing and correcting. Hmmm, sounds like my job on a daily basis. The way to meet success is to work hard. You were pushed, and pushed a little more, and what was your result? A very well written book, that you can truly be proud of. You didn't quit, even though you wanted to. You didn't blog it, even though it would have been easier. Then you gave it to God, and went out for a much needed break with your mother. It seems that there were two blessings that day. You realized how it is much needed to place everything in God's hands,'trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"(proverbs), and you also gave your mother the chance to spread her wings. To be not only with you but to also share in her community and to feel really good about herself.

It is so hard to live in the moment, to not worry, or project our thoughts, worries, and fears and let them consume our minds. Why do we so desperately need to feel as if the answers have to come to us today, this second, or without any trials? Sometimes the answer is simply to just be, to enjoy the moment no matter what it is. Is this so hard??? Yes it is! I think, personally it is because there is a security in knowing, Is it so hard to accept that today, there will be things I don't know how to handle, things out of my control, things I may not like? It all does boil back down to faith -- trusting that what is supposed to happen in your life will. When it is supposed to happen. So rather than agonize over what is or isn't going the way you want, trust at some point what you need you will receive, and you will find happiness with that.

Doing the same thing over and over again...........I seem to visit this one a lot, however, I have learned on thing, I no longer expect the same results, so I must not be insane. Or perhaps I am insane, and just don't realize that the results are the same because my thinking is different.

lp

~Deb said...

Anonymous (LP): Thank you so much for your comment. For someone who has already read my book, it means a lot. It is very hard to live ‘in the moment and not to worry’ when there are tons of things happening around you. It’s true. You make valid points here.

Well, from my past, you can see I did the same things over and over again as well. We’re all human, and subject to going back to what we know is familiar. It happens. We just have to catch it before it rears its ugly head again.

Love you sweetie!

DZER said...

you're just crazy! ;)

~Deb said...

I am? *scratches head*

kathi said...

I just love coming to your blog, you're so uplifting and real. You're a treasure hon. I'm glad that you allow God to use to you to spread His Word and His Love. You know you're going to be blessed greatly for letting Him use you the way you do.

kathi said...

I just love coming to your blog, you're so uplifting and real. You're a treasure hon. I'm glad that you allow God to use to you to spread His Word and His Love. You know you're going to be blessed greatly for letting Him use you the way you do.

~Deb said...

Thank you Kathi, I feel blessed that people like yourself even venture over to my blog...and return! :)

Carla said...

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! Not only because you are getting your book published, but because you know when to celebrate and life your life.

This was such a great post. It is hard to make mistakes and have the courage to get back up again. It is hard to move on with life when everything is not perfect.

Thank you for your inspiring perspective. :)

Romeo Jensen said...

are those ur translations on the versus or is that from a new age bible... i liked them regardless and I was wandering???

:phil: said...

~Deb, congrats on getting the book out. I know how frustrating editors can be being in the textbook business. I also know how tough it can be waiting around for something that is out of your hands. Great you saw your Mom and everything turned out well.
-p

~Deb said...

Carla: Thank you for saying that... Believe me, there were times in my life where I didn't want to get out of bed---I was so depressed and 'out of it' due to frustrations, but I learned that it doesn't do any good--the world still goes on...with...or without us.

Romey: The scriptures are from the New Living Translations (NLT) version. It’s basically ‘black and white’ and speaks clearly; more down to earth, rather than thus thou art tis, etc… NOT that there is anything wrong with the King James version, but I prefer it written out like this instead.

Phil: Thanks! It is very frustrating waiting for this to come out and actually be ‘available’ for everyone. I feel like it keeps stopping---then it goes---then it stops---so this time I almost gave in and said, “ENOUGH!”
Taking mom out was a lot of fun…we always have a good time when we go out for lunch.

Thanks for your comments!

Nettie said...

Way to get out of the house, man!

KyuBall said...

That is my favorite Einstein quote!

Thanks for the inspiration.

Michelle said...

Deb,

Oh, I feel like an idiot, I didn't even know you were writing a book.
Kudo, congrats and way to go! What's it about?
I believe good things come to good people. I also believe people come into your life for a reason. I am glad to have found your blog because your faith is so inspiring to me.

On that note I am the perfect example of the Einstein quote especially when it comes to relationships. Which also is a contradiction to what I preach to my friends.

But I am smart enough to know that I have to experience it; as quoted on my blog..."I've learned that you shouldn't be afraid of change;instead be afraid to stay where you are..if you let fear of change rule you, you will live never knowing there is a fuller life out there that is yours for the taking"

~Deb said...

Nettie: If I did stay in the house, I would have been fuming, and ripping someone a new one over the phone---constantly screaming into numerous voice mails. Then I would say, “Ah the devil made me do it!”

Kyuball: I love that quote too---so true, isn’t it?

Michelle: You are NOT an idiot!!! The book is pretty much a controversial one—however, more inspiring. It’s Christian based, that deals with the issues of living a homosexual lifestyle and being a Christian. To know that we are all accepted by God. It has scripture references and quotes that are contradicting to what those bible thumpers and holy rolling hypocrites say about a lot of things regarding sin and how each individual live their lives. It deals with break ups, dealing with death, forgiveness, and mostly regarding relationships in general—fear of abandonment issues/psychological matters… I go into a lot of things in this book. Straight and gay can both benefit from it. I just can’t wait to get it out there.

Believe me, I’m learning as I go, and the Einstein quote---I have still yet to conquer! Even though I may be speaking these words on my blog- I’m also experiencing it—going through it myself. I’m not perfect. It shows the conflicts of what people deal with when struggling with a decision. I have repeated my patterns MANY times, and probably still will in areas of my life. I admit, I am scared of change, but damn, I need it!

Thanks guys!

Wickedly Blonde said...

Hey you're beautiful! Love the blog. I'm going to link you if you don't mind.

Grace said...

I get the feeling that God's taking care of me all the time. And a lot of times, I I don't even feel like I deserve all the help and love that He offers to me.

Congrats on the book! Is it your first?

Danielle said...

that truley is insanity!

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Genna said...

Hey Deb. Are you going to post about the book itself? I would LOVE to hear about the process and about how you were FOUND as a writer. Did you send it to the publisher, trying to get published, or did they come to you?

Curiousity kills the cat!! :o)

~Deb said...

Wickedly Blonde: Why thank you---you’re quite the catch yourself there missy!

AmazingGrace: You do deserve all the help God offers. It’s rare to see someone with such gratitude these days. And yes, this is my first book—wrote it two years ago, and I have a second one in the wings, but this one went first.

Danielle: Insanity. Yes, know it very well. My straight jacket is in the closet…for now…

Genna: No, I will not be posting about the book itself, unless just referring to it. There will be an amazon.com button where you can purchase it if you’d like. It’s only a small paperback and it’s also one of those ‘online books’ you can purchase through Amazon.com. You have no idea the hell I went through trying to find a publisher. Then ---I was suggested by a well known author to find myself ‘an agent’, because publishers will not ever look at someone’s work without one. Especially if I’m a ‘new writer’. My friend Lisa bought me the Writer’s Market directory, and I called agents. Most of them wanted a huge chunk of royalties and other than that, ‘their venue’ wasn’t suited for the book. I tried every route I could go through. Then I went through a publishing company through Amazon.com where they publish your book for a small fee------not $1,000 like these other editors were asking. So I was relieved, and impressed with their style of the cover, and how articulate they were.

Guess where they found me?.......My blog.

Bill Jones, Jr said...

Deb, congratulations. I know you're book will be wonderful. And God will continue to bless your life. With every battle, win or loss, you seem to carry faith in your heart. Because of that, and your natural, beautiful gifts, you will be rewarded.

Thanks for the quote. I LOVE that Einstein quote. I drive people crazy with it.

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