Monday, November 07, 2005

Competing With a Man

“You’re such a cocky little bastard! I can’t believe you think you can get any girl!”
“It’s true, Deb. Women never say no…they just don’t.”
Derrick says, as he chugs the last of his beer down.
“Derrick, you’re a good looking guy, but to have a mindset where no woman would ever turn you down just sickens me you freak.”
“You’re just jealous because you have a disability—you’re a lesbian.”
“No sweetie…That’s my advantage. Remember, a woman knows what a woman wants.”
I said, secretly getting fumed under my skin with his snide remarks.
“I guess we will have to just test this out.” He suggested.
“Don’t come crying to me when I have the girl you want, in my arms.”
“Uhhh-huhh…” I rolled my eyes at his conceited attitude.

I start putting on my jacket and grabbed my keys. Derrick always came over every Friday night to hang out for a beer or two, and then we would head off to the club nearby. We were best friends, but we had this competitive nature about our friendship. It was sometimes fun, and other times—just fricken annoying as hell. He was a very good looking guy. In fact, he looks much like Romey! (Sorry Romey, had to add you again in yet another post…)

We walked in the club and headed straight for the bar to get our meds. We scoped out the scene and we were ready for our little game. I was prepared to win—only because I wanted him to be defeated. I would go to any lengths to do this…even if it meant ‘cheating’. Unfortunately, there was not one person I knew at this club that I could convince to play this stupid and immature game. Madelene and I were dating, but ‘casually’ at that time. I was twenty years old, and Madelene had just turned thirty. I can’t believe all the crap she put up with back then. Hell, I can’t believe all the crap she puts up with now! She met us at the club along with her other friends. I told her about this ‘game’ and she was laughing.

“Oh yeah…incoming baby!” Derrick zooms in on his victim. An amazing looking blonde chick with a sculpted body. I actually had my eye on this girl for quite some time. I always checked her out when I was at this club. She never gave me an inkling that she may be bi-sexual or a lesbian at all. Her hair was straight, light blonde, and a little passed her shoulders. Her eyes were crystal blue; you can almost see your reflection in them. Her face was soft, and her lips were full, soft looking, and just too damn tempting.

“Oh yeah, you’re losing, Deb—big time! She’s walking over to the master…”
“Okay…let’s see this.”
I said, as I sipped my beer nervously, watching her walk over towards us slowly.
“Don’t wait up for me…heh.” Derrick says, in this cocky little voice.
“Yeh—whatever.” I reply…almost envious over his testosterone. She must have been picking up his pheromones. Fricken men!

Derrick and I just stood there still; waiting for the lucky winner to be chosen. Derrick was to the left of me. She walks right over to us, and passes Derrick.
“Hi, I’m Sarah.” She reaches out for MY hand. Without saying one word back to her—she pulls me close to her and says, “Dance with me.”
I quickly look at Derrick with eyes that said, “SUCKER!!!” I was so happy! Was this set up? I don’t get it! How can I be at a straight club, and a straight girl wants to dance with me, instead of my gorgeous friend Derrick? This was so unheard of, and so bazaar—I loved it!

There we were, on the dance floor. Her body intertwining with mine, moving with mine, as if we were one. Men circled around the dance floor to see what was going on. This club never had ‘that kind of scene’. Was she doing it just for the attention? Did she already know I was a lesbian? What gives? This is too good to be true! I was so shocked. Each time we moved, I glanced over at Derrick as he was nervously chugging away at his beer. He was peering at me with jealous eyes. Oh the sweet revenge! I was in heaven.

“Come with me.” Sarah says, as she pulls both my hands and directs me off the dance floor.
“Let’s go in the bathroom.” She suggests.

We pass Derrick, and I gave him an evil smirk.
“Oh Derrick, don’t wait up for me, we’re going to be in the bathroom…”
He shook his head and just walked over to the bar. I didn’t know why she wanted to go in the bathroom, it was usually packed full of hens primping and stuffing their bras with God knows what. There were only five stalls, and about thirty women waiting on line. It was always like that.

“Let’s go.” She says, as one of the stalls opened up.
“Oh, no, that’s okay, I’ll wait for you.” I suggested…now being a little chicken.
“Nooooo, come in with meeeeeee.” She says, in this whiney sexy voice.

She pulled me in and shut the door behind her. She tried kissing me—but I didn’t want to. I was under attack! This was only to take my friend down a notch or two. I really didn’t want to go through with this. I never wanted ‘just sex’ with a woman, especially while other women were doing the ‘pee dance’ outside on line waiting. Women can get very upset if you’re in there two long—especially if they know something else is going on.

Guys---don’t be disappointed, but I dodged every kiss she threw at me. She then decided that she really needed to go to the bathroom.

“Don’t open that door!” She shouted, as she realized that I wanted to get out.
“Stay! I just have to pee!”
I said, as I turned myself around so I didn’t have to watch. What was wrong with me back then? Who knows…

Then I heard words that were so out of the ordinary…

“Help me.”
“Help me, Debbie.”
“Help you with what???”
I asked, in fear.
“Help me wipe my cha-cha.”


I slammed the stall door so hard against the wall while flying out of there, that I nearly crushed two women near the vanity. I got the hell out of there, as if I were on fire. I ran so fast, my curly hair turned straight! I ran out, over to the bar where Derrick was. He was on his fourth shot, and ready to go out on a ledge somewhere at this point.

“She’s a nutcase! The girl has mental issues! I can’t! She’s nuts!”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha! What happened? Did you chicken out? You can’t handle a woman like her?” He said, all happy now that my dream was crushed.
“You idiot! You go for it! You wipe her ‘cha-cha’!!!”
“Her what?”

I walked away. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I ran to Madelene. I told her the story and she was half laughing, but shocked and appalled by it all. I then see Madelene heading over to the bathroom, right when Sarah was walking out.

"Don’t you ever go near Debbie again! If I ever see you even near her---ughhh!” She couldn’t even get the rest of the words out, because Madelene isn’t a violent person. Madelene walked back over to me, and Sarah went back to where her friends were at the table.

“You okay?” I asked Madelene.
“Yeah, I just hate when women think they can get whatever, whenever they want…especially when it’s you.” Madelene started chugging her beer nervously, like the rest of us were all doing all night.

It was then I knew, that Madelene was a keeper. I didn’t have to play any tests with my guy friends to prove that other women found me attractive. The only thing that mattered to me was that Madelene found me attractive.


DZER said...

damn ... I thought this was gonna be risque story about hot and cheap sex while beating a player at his own game ... and it turns into a sweet and sappy love story ... LOL

only you, deb ... only you

*thinking I should rewrite this as a naughty story for DZEROTICA* ... LOL

LisaBinDaCity said...

First of all great new look on the blog - I love it!!!

Congrats on finding the love of your life. Maybe there's hope for the rest of us, even those of us on the other team. ;-)

Hugs to you Deb!

Lisa said...

She wanted you to wipe her cha-cha?? OMG...OMG....I can't even imagine anyone ever calling it that, let alone wanting someone else to wipe it after going pee. OMG. I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh...and yeah, I would've been slamming that door right off it's hinges to get out of there too lol

Still, in some ways it was worth that cha-cha hassle just to drop Derrick down a peg hahaha

Romeo Jensen said...

I would never say I could have any girl. Hell... ive been shot down plenty of times but...

I have balls the size of volkswagaons... I'll hit on anything no matter if she looks out of my league or not

now there's a proper way of going about it... you have to feel your way through it...

somegirls just want you to ask... no games

other girls enjoy the hunt and want you to work for it.

here's how you know which is which...

when I approach the girl... i'll say hi or buy her a drink (this is how I got my girlfriend Heather)... now here's the key... a girl will look you right in the eyes at first contact... unlike us guys... girls do this... they arent looking at your ass... your tits... your legs... they did that long before your ass walked over to them... now they're checking your soul so they will look into your eyes... but... if they see you are looking back they will turn their head away... it's a preditor thing... years of genetics have defined women as the prey... now here comes the magic... most girls are used to guys giving them the eyeball up and down their bod usually settling on the boob area... but when you look them in the eyes and keep contact... they will glance away... and those girls that glance away... (here it comes) and then... make a quick glance back then smile... those are the ones that will give up their digits and probably sleep with you either that night or within the week

those that dont glance back... or semi glance back... they want chased... they want pursued.

or... they're gay and your ass dont stand a chance

by the way... and I should blog this someday... when I hit on Heather... she was sitting at a table of 5 other girls... told ya I had a set on me... plus I was drinking yeager again LOL


piu piu said...

i am continually continually amazed at the situations u find yourself in!!!!!!!!!

am i just super straight or what ? (and i'm not asking bout my sexuality here)

deb mate, i SCAREDof meeting u in NY incase i end up being gang banged by a horde of toothless old rednecks whislt you were necking another bloody mary at the bar!!!

kathi said...

what I want to know is, what would you do differently if this happened now (and say there isn't a maddie, as wonderful as she is)? How has 10 years changed ya?

Danielle said...

gurl before i even read this have to tll yah your new header looks great!!! love it!!!

~Deb said...

Dzer: Ha! I knew you wouldn’t appreciate my ~clean & risque~ story. Call me a nerd, call me a prude, but, this is as risqué as it gets. I could really lavish up in my stories, and—well---kick it up a notch…but I don’t have ‘a set’ like Romey claims he has…hmm…

LisaB: Thanks! I have to give all the credit to Chrissie and her talented self. She’s amazing, huh? Yeah, true love is out there…Is it perfect? No. I don’t think any relationship is ‘perfect’…that’s what makes it so much fun.

Lisa: It was just sick. Yes, her ‘cha-cha’, I’ll NEVER forget her calling it that. I think it was a sick ~mother/daughter~ scenario that she wanted me to finish off. I was NOT about to even go there. Ugh. This pretty girl, and she wanted that kind of stuff. So sad. Derrick was doing the cha-cha all night long because he thought I was too chicken…little nimrod!

Romeo: I’m the ones that ‘don’t’ glance back. I find it amazing how when you do try to look at the game---the other guy sitting “under” the TV thinks you’re staring at him. Along comes a drink…. “Yerrr, this is from the fella sittin’ ova there….” So you take it….you make eye contact, and you nod (out of appreciation)….and what does this poor soul think this is a pass for? He thinks this gives him permission to walk over to you and talk to you for the rest of the evening. You men gotta realize that eye contact may be---hey you’re under a fricken TV and I wanna watch Derek Jeter’s fine ass! (That’s coming from some straight girl’s mouth)

Piu Piu: You gotta stop being scared. Mind you, this is ten years ago, and I had a few bad ~hillbilly~ stories…however, this ‘cha-cha’ chick was a hottie….I swear. I promise you that you will not be attacked by the children of the corn or a bunch of fat broads dressed in overalls. I took the white trash out.

Kathi: Sadly enough, if Maddie weren’t in the picture, I’d find myself on other terrible dates. Madelene and I separated for about two years… So I have ‘bad date material’ that is more current that will be posted… So, the only thing that has changed is my maturity level. Naw… wait… I lied… hehe… Okay, the only thing that has changed is---MUCH better taste in women, who at least have a nice set of teeth---or teeth at all for that matter!

Danielle: Courtesy of the beautiful & talented Chrissie………….

Chrissie said...

LOL.. well you didnt have to leave me there on the shitter! Christ! If you didnt wanna touch my chacha you just had to say no thanks... sheesh!

~Deb said...

Chrissie: You don't have to sit on that pot for too long---I would have NOT dodged your kisses! *xoxoxo* Believe me!

gigi said...

Yeah maybe you should have given her Barb's number.

Oswald Croll said...

On principle alone, no one who uses the words CHA-CHA should ever get any play. If she is going to, she better be fine as hell.

Great story though, I am glad to see I am not the only person making girls doge my kisses.

Leesa said...

Looks like your blog inspired these two pro cheerleaders.

The article starts out: " Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after a bar dispute that broke out early Sunday after patrons complained the women were having sex in a bathroom stall, a police arrest report said."

~Deb said...

Gigi: As much as I would have loved to---this "Sarah" chick was not that bad...Barb on the other hand....ummm....bad...

Oswald: I'm with ya buddy on the use of those words alone. I couldn't believe she said it to me---but she did. As beautiful as she was, those words made me fly out of there so fast.

Leesa: They complained? hehehe!!! Sorry, next time I'll use another bathroom.

midwest_hick said...

I am amused by the predicaments you've managed to find your way into....interesting/good stuff.

~Deb said...

Ya think? ...Hmm... Off to therapy now! Doesn't help that my therapist looks EXACTLY like the BTK awful. :)

Net's word said...

Hey there Deb, I decided to check in with you Deb and lo and behold - an exciting new header - love it. The cha cha story - YIKES. Just when husband and I are looking at taking more dance classes - the cha cha will never be the same.

I have a few horror stories from my past too, but I am not yet willing to 'air them out' - I admire your story telling though - good stuff.

Bye for now and by the way, 'whats up with your back these days?

:) love to you my nyawk friend.

Carla said...

miss deb (aka Dr Deb),

Us "straight" ones always thought that the grass was greener on the other side--that since women have the advantage of "what women want"--dating, coupling, etc should be so much easier. It's nice to have some perspective, that although you might have an "advantage" since you are playing in "home court"--that you experience losses like the rest of us "straight" folk. Guess the game is crazy no matter how you approach it! Glad you found Madelene. :o)

GhostBoy said...

Something about us guys and pissing contests. We always want to compete with the ones we're threatened by. Men do stand little chance against lesbians on even playing fields.

It's good to know that you have someone that cares for you enough not to take crap from anyone who wants to mess with you. Madelene sounds like the seldom few we ever meet in a lifetime.

~Deb said...

Net: Haha, Well, hopefully I didn’t traumatize the ‘cha cha’ dance for you. I think we all have a few horror stories from our past; it’s whether or not we’re willing to purge our stories out to all. Me? I couldn’t give a rat’s @ss, cause it’s been said and done, and now I can look back at it and laugh. Love ya too my lil’ Net!

Carla: I think it goes both ways with the dating scene and what not. Women/men---gay/straight----we all have our horror stories. The game is the same. You make a great point.

Ghostboy: Hmm. Don’t you think it depends on the players involved? *grin*

Jillian said...

I'm so glad you have Madelene!!

Does she have a single brother????

Bill Jones, Jr said...

I;m glad to know it's not just me... women who have pet names for private parts make me want to hurl. Especially when the private parts belong to me.

Love your new header.

~Deb said...

Jill: Yes, I feel fortunate. And Jill? YES she does have a 'single' brother---who looks like her TWIN! Hmmmm...he's very cute, very nice, and a Latino boy...he's 39 yrs old, but looks more like 30... So? A set up, or what?

Sable: Naming your genitalia has never really piqued my interest before. So............curious..........what's your 'pet name'?

Rex Venom said...

Hee hee! None of us gets everything we want, but sometimes jsut getting what someone else wants is fun enough.
Rock on!

SignGurl said...

What a bizarre and wonderful story. Glad that you met Madelene. Sounds like she keeps you out of trouble.

You have a great storytelling ability. Thank you for sharing.

~Deb said...

Rex: Yeah- in this case, it was called, 'sweet revenge'...;)

Jenn: Madelene definitely keeps me out of trouble alright! Thank you for your kind words... :)

Saur♥Kraut said...

Great story! I have plenty of gay friends, it reminds me a lot of the dance clubs we all go to. But yeah, Madelene is a keeper! Don't lose her.

kathi said...

hey deb, was she a cheerleader??
LOL, this had you written all over it, least it made me think of this post.

~Deb said...

Oh--yeah, I heard about those two. That's hot! ha!!!

Natalia said...

That is an amazing story. I kept scrolling and reading and laughing and gasping. You should write a book. I bet you have a ton of good stories.


Cherry said...

LOL!!! Cha-Cha? I'm going to have to use that one. :) Great story. I am glad you found Madeline. You can tell by the way you write about her that she is 'the one'. :)

~Deb said...

Natalia: I kept gasping too as the night went on! I have so many horrific dating stories; it's unreal. My luck. Thank you for saying I should write a book about it. It'll definitely be in the 'horror section'... ;)

Cherry: Oh yeah--"cha cha"... When I first heard her say that---I went into shock and threw that damn door open--and ran like hell! I'm glad I found Madelene too... She is the 'one'---the only one who'll put up with me. ha! ;)

Bert Ford said...

On a related note:
We must show our support for these cheerleaders
Cheerleaders for god sake! Don't these Backwoods boneheads know that cheerleaders are exempt from the rules of average society! They're CHEERLEADERS!!!

If this link doesn't work you can find in on my blog.

~Deb said...

Bert Ford: You're nuts! I love it!

Ailyn said...

i'm sitting here at KFC during my lunch break, laptop on table reading your blog and laughing my ass off. the guys behind the coutner are starting to give me strange looks. i just love your dating storied deb, keep 'em up!

ken said...

love this deb.....true many men and women have the asinine assumption that anyone can be had by them...while the reality is some women ONLY enjoy either the touch of a woman or place in true passion for selfishness or arrogance..yes...a big difference between confidence and arrogance....i am confident in my lips and fingers..yet not every woman desires them to be touching her intimately..and i DONT want every woman..
i wrote a blurb, the art of seduction, no, not plugging myself..making a point...should have named it the joy of attempt in writing was to illuminate the fog headed idiot boyfriends and husbands who ignore their passion needing many amazing friends i have made, and a multitude with ties that dont satisfy or even acknowledge the wondrous woman they get to share life with...i have had a few guys write...saying i am an idiot..all they have to do to seduce a woman is blah every time..and hell no. they would NEVER sit and pee....i laugh at them...attempt to explain that i wasnt writing a discertation on how to seduce and poke every woman..rather wanting men to open and let the passionate woman into their heads..and in return...give their loves the attention desired...i can spell...yet not type well....welccome to the day subject.....and bou says heyyyyyyyy..yeah..he is cool that you dont want him..glad you dont hate him..and still waves at you..

~Deb said...

You're absolutely right, Ken... Everyone is "different" with different preferences. We shouldn't assume that we can get's just a negative mindset that leads to disappointment in the end.

Thanks for your comment.