Living Proof

Dark gray clouds overcast the skies like a big wet blanket. The feeling is “heavy” and dreadful, or could it be just how I’m feeling, perhaps both? I had awakened to the ultimate pain killing coma, a cocktail of anti-inflammatories & muscle relaxers. The combination for me is mind-numbing. I need it, I’m in pain. For approximately 3-4 days out of the month, my uterus gives me complete and utter hell. The pain is so extreme, that at times, I pass out and even vomit from the severity of it. The pain can last up to 5 hrs even after taking pain killers. This can last up to 3-4 days. Ever since I was twelve years old, my extreme menstrual pains have debilitated me, where I couldn’t function, so my mom would give me 800 mg of Motrin for relief. Throughout the years, my stomach started giving me problems because of all the NSAID usage. I’ve been diagnosed with dysmenorrhea , severe uterine pain, to the point of debilitation. I’ve been checked for fibroids and everything else under the s...

In all honesty, I live my life by viewing how other people live. It’s not by doing what everybody else does, in fact it’s the total opposite. It’s simply looking at people’s lives, and noticing the many regrets that they now have. For instance, Mad and I entertained the idea of having a child of our own. Oddly enough, we kept bumping into people who have “child bearer’s remorse”. They would literally say, “I’m so sorry we had kids ‘cause we can’t go out, we can’t do this and we can’t have time to ourselves”, and then of course, you have the happy ones, which was always hopeful to see. With all of these people complaining about their decision in life of having kids, and noticing other people’s lives who had children who were miserable, I’m glad we didn’t make the choice to have kids. I get a lot of, “I miss my old life”, but I think, what about your life with your children who love you and look up to you? There are so many unhappy parents out there, and thankfully, there are some happ...

Generally speaking, your friends, family or acquaintances don’t mean anything by what they say sometimes. It’s up to you whether you take offense to something or not. If it’s downright offensive, then it’s a given you’re gonna be teed off, but when do you cross that bridge where you can’t decipher whether or not to be offended? For example, I have a good friend of mine who likes to always relate to whomever they’re speaking to. And if she’s talking me and asks, “Oh, may I bring a friend along”, before I can even say yes, she blurts out, “oh and she’s a lesbian too!” I know she’s just trying to be nice and let me know that she has more than one gay friend, but I’m not sure why I would be interested in her friend’s sexuality - however - I do understand why she does it. In fact, many people I know do it. I’ll admit, it’s nice to know that her friend’s a “sister”, but it’s not necessary, since I don’t make friends based on people's sexuality. What if I do the same to my African Am...

Let’s face it, we’re all walking time bombs, holding in explosive emotions that somehow gets lost in a rubble of facades that try making our exterior appear as “happy”. Some people don’t even know they’re holding in a lot of garbage that hasn’t been taken out yet. Every single person can shed a tear if you say the “right” thing, whether it be a past memory, a past heartbreak, a traumatic experience or someone they had lost through an unfortunate death. That one thing you bring up can open that little emotional box stored deep inside their heart that’s been closed up for so long. So many people deal with it in various ways. Some people who I know personally actually poke fun at their life’s traumas on stage as comedians. It’s almost like therapy in a sense, laughing at themselves, their past experiences and realizing that ‘it is what it is’. They relate to other people on many levels. This enables healing in an unconventional way. There are many sad comedians out there harboring past w...

So many times I’ve watched the rain fall as I’m doing right now and thought about my past, and wondered about all the “what ifs” that brewed inside me. They say wondering about the ‘what ifs’ is an unhealthy standpoint about your current and future outcome, but what if someone or something in your past comes back to the current time? I’m not sure what it is about the rain that makes me over-think, overanalyze every single situation that I’ve been through, but right now I’m having one of those moments. Have you ever thought about the concept of quantum physics? Better question: do you believe in it? This post somehow relates to it in a way, so taken from this site , the definition of it is this: " Quantum physics is simply a science that studies and explains how everything in our world comes into existence starting from the physical aspect of the events, conditions, and circumstances of everything in the Universe and breaking them down into their most basic form, attempting to dis...

In this diverse society, there are many stigmas about each lifestyle, background and culture. People try to avoid any topics dealing with stereotypes, in fear of offending someone. To some degree, stereotypes are somewhat true, and others seem to be stigmas. For example, when most people think “bisexuals”, they immediately think, “They can have their cake and eat it too.” But what about those people who date monogamously, yet don’t go by gender alone? So there are two categories for bisexual people: those who like to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time and those who are attracted to the “person”, regardless of their gender. For me, it’s a touchy one because I have dated bisexual women in my past and with each experience, I got burned unfortunately. They always went back to men or dated them on the side. I remember dating this girl when I was younger. We were so in love and we always hung out with our friend Billy, who was this muscular, feminine guy - to which I was led ...

What is it about human nature that makes some of us use projection as a way to defend our own insecurities? Remember back in grade school when the little kids would tease you, calling you names only to make themselves look better for the rest of the kids watching? Or, in some cases, the kids would make fun of you for the total opposite reason: they had a crush on you. It never made sense back then, but as we grew older, we started learning that we sometimes do the opposite of how we really feel. Even when a relationship has taken a turn for the worse, but the two people are still in love, they’ll remain bitter sometimes out of pure stubbornness. “Don’t call them! Let them wait!” We’re doing things opposing to how we really feel at times. “Play hard to get.” Why? What about homophobic people? For instance, let’s take a man who is very comfortable being a heterosexual male. Why would he care if someone was gay or not? Have you ever come across a man or a woman who was so obsessed with...