Generally speaking, your friends, family or acquaintances don’t mean anything by what they say sometimes. It’s up to you whether you take offense to something or not. If it’s downright offensive, then it’s a given you’re gonna be teed off, but when do you cross that bridge where you can’t decipher whether or not to be offended? For example, I have a good friend of mine who likes to always relate to whomever they’re speaking to. And if she’s talking me and asks, “Oh, may I bring a friend along”, before I can even say yes, she blurts out, “oh and she’s a lesbian too!” I know she’s just trying to be nice and let me know that she has more than one gay friend, but I’m not sure why I would be interested in her friend’s sexuality - however - I do understand why she does it. In fact, many people I know do it. I’ll admit, it’s nice to know that her friend’s a “sister”, but it’s not necessary, since I don’t make friends based on people's sexuality.
What if I do the same to my African American friend? “Oh, do you mind if I bring a friend along? She’s black too you know...” I think my friend would go into complete shock. I’m writing about this because I’m curious to know what you think. There are so many people who mindlessly do this, without thinking about the twist of meanings, that it may be a bit racial or perhaps, offensive in many cases. It’s just the same as saying, “Oh I have a best friend who’s black” - it just doesn’t sit well for many people, including myself. In a really twisted outlook on this, it’s almost comparable to affirmative action in a socializing aspect, where people are so desperate not too look discriminative, that they force themselves into having a best friend who is a minority, so that they’ll look “good”. Just as a company sometimes hires minorities (not immigrants off the books mind you) so that their company will look like an EOE.
Here’s another gripe of mine: people trying to set me up or “meet this lesbian girl”, just because I’m gay. They never think, “Oh wait, she’s married already”---they go right into the general stereotype that all homosexuals are promiscuous or cheaters. “Oh you gotta meet this girl, she is so hot and you’re gonna love her personality.” I just look at whoever is saying this and reply, “Well, I don’t care if she looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, if she’s nice, bring her along!” Why people think that I’m “still looking” is beyond me. Hey, don’t get wrong, my wife and I appreciate a beautiful woman when we see one, and even when we go out, we may say, “Oh wow she’s really pretty”, but on a general knowledge basis type of thing. We’re married, not dead.
My next issue deals with heterosexual couples who somehow get the idea that since Madelene and I are a lesbian couple, that it automatically means that we’re up for “a good time” with them. Pretty presumptuous, huh? This one offends me out of all the ones above, because it basically states that they think we’re ‘low enough’ to even ask or imply in some way. Hey, if that’s your thing then who am I to judge? I know a few people who are married and they’re swingers, but don’t come knocking on this door thinking that they’re a couple of lesbians waiting for the opportunity to swing with you, only if you’re Porche De Rossi & Ellen Degeneres, then we just might make an exception.
So next time you’re trying to relate to a friend, whether he/she is black, white, Jewish, Christian, gay or lesbian, you may wanna try refraining on “relating” too much. You might just offend someone.
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