Even in intimate relationships, I have seen one of my old girlfriends tell her boyfriend that he shouldn't "eat that" because he's a runner and that it would only make him fat. This guy was 130 lbs soaking wet ….if that! She would monitor his wine intake if he was out to dinner with us, pushing his glass forward to indicate, "That's enough." Another time, she even broke his wine glass trying to push it away from him before he took another sip. Everyone was shocked. She insisted it was an accident, but the look on his face said otherwise. This boy worked hard for his health and physique, isn't he allowed to have some fun once in a while? People have this warped sense of ownership if they have been with someone for a long enough time. Fact is --- nobody owns anyone and nobody has the right to tell "you" what to do or how to do it or what not to consume. Suggestions are just indicators that the person speaking is super insecure with themselves. If someone was completely secure with who they were, they would never suggest something that would most likely hurt your feelings. If you think someone is ruining their health, then invite them out for a walk or a game of racquetball. "Hey, come to yoga class with me!" Invite them somewhere that'll enhance their health. Words are meaningless unless you're going to be of "genuine help" and not just a judgmental suggesting creep. Suggestions from someone who has never had an issue with whatever it is that you're struggling with is like an AA director who has never picked up a drink. They cannot relate nor should they even be in that room full of people who are there for genuine help.
Lately, I have been getting a better understanding behind people's motives. We're fickle, self-centered and sometimes lost in our own world of narcissism. Once we get "too full of ourselves", we try to improve other people's lives by suggesting "do what I do" which is easy for us, but may not be an option for them. And sometimes, they want to be the "savior", which is still self-serving. It reminds me of a proverb I read recently, "Disregarding another person's faults preserves love; telling about them separates close friends." {Proverbs 17:9} Disregard -- see past whatever flaws you're viewing because a flaw to one person may be a beautiful feature to another. By pointing out somebody else's flaws only does one thing: it separates friendship --- on many levels. You may still have the friend, but the trust and the openness may retreat. It's not the same person any longer. I never in my life said to a friend, "Well, yanno what yer' problem is…?" That question is usually followed up with some cosmetic advice or a proverbial jab in the ribs.
So this weekend, be kind to one another. Love the people who are in your life "as is" and try to see their "imperfections" as God's creation, because let's face it, God never messes up. Sometimes our vision gets skewed on what "should" be, when in fact, it's perfect 'as is'. Accept, love, and be grateful that person is in your life. We all have our own crosses to bear.
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