We heal ourselves with laughter whether we know it or not, and of course, if we're lucky to have people around who can actually make us laugh. I've worked along with many comedians over the past five years or so and noticed a huge commonality: intense sadness. We're human. But the best thing they are doing is not only helping themselves with comedy, but they are helping other people. Reminds me of the sad clown, always going out of their way to get someone to laugh in order to feel better about themselves. Truly generous and loving people with hearts way too big for them to handle. But the fact that the people they work with are all comedians as well helps with the 'giving back' part. I've seen the life from the inside and from the outside. The outside is very deceiving, but their heart, their intentions are genuinely true. Some say by making other people laugh, it enables them to heal themselves. They're apart of a 'happy bunch' --- and being apart of something positive is a wonderful thing, which is why I wanted to work with them.
Socially, I have chosen friends who can make me laugh and make me forget about whatever it is I'm stressing over. And you gotta realize, everyone has their own problems and depressive episodes, which makes it even more special when we get together and are able to just relieve ourselves with laughter. I tend to stay away from negative people -- the ones who suck the living life-force out of you. At the risk of this sounding horrible, I cannot be around "victims" of society -- people who are depressed and even amplify their depression and woes to get more attention. I have zero tolerance for it. But don't get me wrong, if a friend calls me up and needs my help, I'm gonna be there. But if they don't contribute to any positivity whatsoever in our friendship, then I have to leave it for the sake of not falling into the same pit they're stuck in. Negativity rubs off very easily, and for me, it worsens my anxiety, which eventually trickles straight into a depressive episode.
I made a vow to not keep things in anymore. I'm the type that tries to please everybody without complaining, until it's too late and ~^~BAM~^~ I pop my cork. I tend to do this to the people I love the most, which is kind of strange, but more common than not. In a heated argument, I even destroyed one of my prized possessions, which was my 12 string acoustic Takamine guitar. Not even getting into the cost of that ax, but I had an emotional attachment to it. I literally put my foot right through it. (It may be repairable), but my point is --- it has to stop. I tend to self-medicate way too much and that even amplifies the intense emotions even more so. I can't hold things in any longer and the one thing I don't want to burst is my heart due to an overload of stressful emotions. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and feel as though I'm obligated to certain situations which at times, just blows my mind. I'm learning how to work on myself, do my job, contribute the best I can and live my life without feeling that sense of obligation to anyone, unless I feel I want to. Wanting to please someone is much better than feeling obligated to. So I'm changing my mindset and attitude and hoping for better results.
I appreciate all my old friends who have come flooding into my life this past year giving me moments of happiness and laughter that money can never buy. My family has been a huge support system for me, a forgiving and loving source of comfort that I'm not deserving of. It's truly unconditional love, especially my wife, Madelene who has been there for me through thick and thin. That woman is my Superwoman. I appreciate everything they do, everything they say and every attempt to make my day a little more brighter. Those things are never taken for granted. To realize the worth in someone's presence is a gift --- to know that without a doubt, that if they were to take their presence away, that it would be felt big time. And sadly, there are people out there that don't realize the gift of someone's mere presence, until one day, it's taken away. I will always notice…always.
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