Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Matrimony Madness & Memories

It’s 7am and I have glitter falling from my hair onto my eyebrows and now onto my keyboard. Some even made it into my eyes. If it weren’t for the overenthusiastic beauty shop owner from yesterday, I wouldn’t have to clean up this mess. From trying on fake lashes, lip plumping grease to eyebrow waxing and then getting sprayed with a can of sparkles, I think the whole wedding preparation fiasco has finally come to an end. I brought Madelene to our favorite local bar to meet up with our friends Marty and Maria to have a drink and something to eat. I thought the dark bar scene would hide my glittery hair. It didn’t work.

Maria pulled out her wedding pictures to show me a few things she did for her special day. As I sorted through them, I started getting nervous. I wasn’t nervous until I saw her wedding photos for some reason. I turned to look at Maria. Her eyes were dead-set on me, as though she was analyzing my response to “wedding stuff”. Our eyes locked for a few moments and she let out a ‘know it all’ smirk. It was as if she was reading my mind. I tried to stop thinking. It didn’t work.

“This’ll be your last time sitting at our bar as a ‘single woman’, Deb.” Debbie, our bartender said, who has known me for years. I let out a chuckle and said, “Well, this will give me an excuse to be a total pig tonight and flirt with all the girls here.” Madelene had left to go to the bathroom and Debbie looked over at me.

“Are you ready?”

At first, I looked at my half empty (of half full) glass of beer and was going to say “not yet”, but I realized she was asking me an entirely different question. I felt like my life flashed before my eyes and I was seeing every single moment come through like an old torn up film in a huge movie theater.
People, places and things.

People I fell in love with: I remember each person I ever fell for. Some stand out more than others, but their faces will never be forgotten. Each kiss, each “I love you” will always be remembered.

Places I’ve been: I remember places I’ve been with other people, restaurants we had romantic dinners at, vacations and times of just staying home talking, laughing and getting to know one another. Unforgettable.

Things: I still keep certain things people have given me from over the years. I have an old necklace my ex-boyfriend once had given me for my birthday, paintings from my first girlfriend who’s an incredible artist, love letters and photos from a great love I had back in 1993, a couple of articles of clothing from a couple of special people, a ‘No Nonsense’ sock floating in one of my boxes and a bunch of video footages of fun times had with a wonderful girl. None which I regret.

As I think about all of these wonderful people I have come across, I realized that these are the very people who created who I am today. I give all of them credit for making me feel loved, desired and wanted as a woman. They all accepted me for who I am and took a chance on me. I just hope their regrets are few.

Madelene walked back inside the bar area and smiled at me as she rubbed my back. I could see the excitement in her eyes; the look of: our day is almost here sweetie! If I had to write down every beautiful memory I have ever had with Madelene throughout my life, it would be a novel. I have everything she has ever given me, and most of all: I still have her in my life.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Debbie smiled at me and got me another drink on the house.
(This will be my last post for a week or so. We're leaving early tomorrow morning to head up to MA. The wedding is taking place on October 11th with our gay Christian minister out on their beautiful beach with our family and close friends. The two days before our big day, we will be planted in a day spa filling up on lots of champagne! The next post will be our wedding pictures and videos, plus whatever chaos happened along the way. Wish us luck! Thank you for being so supportive--I love you all!)