Thursday, November 02, 2006

No, Wait!...

Never before, in my entire blogging experience have I written a list of things that annoy me. I’m a storyteller, not a list maker. A true storyteller—never fiction, but I never thought about making a list like this before. I’ve been thinking way too much about what annoys me in life. It’s mostly the news I get from the media that drives me batty. First one thing is good for you, and then the next day, it’s totally bad. What am I to believe? What are we to believe?


1.) Red wine is the only alcohol that’s good for you. The grape seed in it has some beneficial qualities for your heart. No, wait--now, they’re saying that you have to drink a gallon per day in order to receive the benefits from the grape seed. Great. There goes any thought of AA.

2.) Red wine isn’t the only alcohol good for you—a shot of vodka, a shot of any whiskey—hell, even beer is good for you now! So drink up and live longer. They never mention liver failure…ever.

3.) Spinach has e-coli in it. Now it’s all lettuce! Wait—red meat just got recalled! No, wait--let’s make that certain types of cheeses that have listeria bacteria in it.

4.) Eggs are the perfect food. No, eggs will give you heart disease. No, now it’s okay for you. What’s the real deal?

5.) Antibacterial hand gels and soaps are a wonderful way of preventing the flu or germs from getting you sick. No, wait—now if you kill all the germs, you’re making yourself less immune to these little suckers! Don’t wash your hands!

6.) Drink bottled water. Tap water has chlorine and other things we don’t know about in it. No, wait—they just discovered that bottled water has much more bacteria in it just by sitting on the shelves not moving, than regular tap water. Drink the tap instead!

7.) Go low carb! Do the Atkins diet to lose weight! No, wait—how did Dr. Atkins die again? Oh yeah, a heart attack, right? Low carb is bad for your brain. Please include carbohydrates in your diet!

8.) Oxygen bars are a great way to increase your health. No, wait—now it’s bad, if you have normal amounts of oxygen within your system. Don’t overdo it!

9.) Coffee is bad for you. Don’t drink it, because it’ll age you faster and cause kidney stones. No, wait—coffee has much more benefits in it than ever! Drink a cup daily if you can!

10.) Eat fish twice a week if you can. No, wait—fish has too much mercury in it! Try to limit your intake now!

I need to go take some meds and wash it down with a nice martini. I hope that's not bad for me.