Living Proof

There are days where I can hang with the best of them, smiling, laughing and joking. It baffles me that there are days that come which bring me pain, misery, sadness, resentment and sometimes even bitterness. Although it doesn’t last long, these thoughts that fill my mind with negativity just come crashing in like an unexpected tornado. “It’s a bad day” , I’ll tell em’, but more so, it’s a wave of insanity that grips me like a vice and squeezes out any positivity I have left to give or receive. “ It’s useless.” Rarely you’ll hear me say this, but on my bad days, you’ll hear these words muttered out as I suck down another chardonnay just to dull the pain. Pain: emotional and physical that takes a toll of my very being. The Vicodin may give me side effects---forget about the wine. That’s healthy, so the doctors say. “It’ll be alright.” my wife tries to convince me as I hold the area of the pain, crunched over in a corner, hoping there will be some relief soon. I’m living my life like ...

Those two words, “moved on” can bring a feeling of relief, or perhaps a tinge of fear & sadness, depending on who you are. To some, it’s a positive step toward emotional healing, and to others, it can be a dreadful step to something they’re just not ready for. Some stay in the stages of mourning way too long, never “moving on”, never taking that initial step toward healing. It’s healthy to take it one day at a time, but when does it come to the point of insanity, taking the place of a stagnated phase? Although I do believe that everybody and every relationship are very unique, I also believe that it’s a lot like giving up smoking or drinking: you have to want to give it up in order to successfully move on. If the desire isn’t there, the person will still entertain the lingering pangs of “addiction” in every meaning of the word. There is no doubt in my mind that when somebody isn’t fully over a past relationship, that yes, it can have everything to do with addictive personalities....

The other day while watching the news, I saw a heartbreaking story about a lesbian couple, Jill & Tracy Harrison, who wanted to enroll their daughter into a Christian pre-school, however they were rejected because they’re lesbian parents. The standard principle of St. Vincent School is “in matters of marriage and outside the marriage” , therefore rejecting their 4 year old child. "St. Vincent's School as a ministry of St. Vincent's Cathedral upholds the clear teaching of the Christian faith, the Holy Bible, and the Anglican Church in North America," the Rev. Ryan Reed said. "We based our decisions about enrollment on what is best for the children of St. Vincent's as a whole and in conformity with the above standards," he said. "We regret the disappointment the mother feels, but also do not understand why she would want to enroll her child in a school that would undercut her own personal values at home." Undercut her personal values? What ...

It’s days like these where I wish I was in Provincetown running into a nearby cafe from the rain for a hot cup of coffee just to watch it from inside. There’s something mystical about being on the Cape on stormy days. If you haven’t ever been to Provincetown, it’s a great big mecca for those who are creative thinkers, artists, photographers, musicians, gays, lesbians, straights, transgender people, and yes...for writers too. There’s nothing like sitting in a cafe with just a laptop, an espresso and inspiring thoughts that just flow right onto ‘paper’. The energy of Provincetown is extraordinary. Everyone, whether resident or tourist are incredibly happy just to be there. The vacations aren’t long enough, which is why my wife and I have been debating whether or not to vacation there on a permanent basis. Our type work enables us to be anywhere, so it’s a thought in progress. The winters are rough for some, since most rely on the business of tourists, but for us, it’s different. We’re no...

Lately, it seems that a few friends of mine are going through some rough breakups or having a hard time dealing with a past relationship. My motto has always been to weed your garden before jumping into a new bed of flowers -I even wrote that in my book , however as I go through life and see what other people are going through, as well as what I’ve gone through myself, I’m learning that the other side of the spectrum isn’t so shabby. While it’s true that most people need distractions while they are mourning over a broken relationship, they also need their hearts distracted too, in my opinion. I think casual dating is a great way to distract the mind and heart from getting too torn up over one person who is no longer in their life. There are possibilities of rebound dating, however overall, I don’t see ‘casual dating’ so bad, if taken slowly. The negative side effects of casual dating after broken relationships are: comparing the new person to your former love, bringing old baggage into...

Have you ever caught yourself reading numerous debates and articles about a particular controversial subject, and little by little, found yourself understanding the other side a bit more, perhaps being even more tolerant to what you were initially against? The plan to build a mosque near the World Trade Center site have people arguing and debating to the point of where some of their arguments are completely irrational in my opinion. Most argue from their hearts, and not their heads. For instance, I found myself tangled up in long heated threads of facebook accounts on this particular matter. My two cents always insisted that they shouldn’t build the mosque near the World Trade Center site, because it’s a slap in the face for the families who have had a loved one killed in that tragic event. There was no changing my mind and the thought of a mosque being built near ground zero just angered me. But what angered me the most, was the thought of bin Laden gloating over it, or terrorists ce...

A question that I had been asked years ago by a close friend’s mother still resonates with me: “How are you going to answer to God about being gay?” The most disturbing part about it was, the loud condescending laughter before she asked me the question. It was almost like she was mocking me; laughing at my “disobedience” and unruly behavior, since I was another Christian. I wanted to ask her, “How are you going to answer to God about knocking Him off His throne and becoming the judge of all judges?” Instead, I just kept quiet and let her giggle and repeatedly ramble off, “A lesbian? A lesbian? Are you kidding me? A lesbian?” Yes, this evil little nineteen year old lesbian girl has been hanging around with your daughter for nearly ten years right under your very own nose, bahahahaa! What goes through people’s minds --people who are so “spiritual” and “religious” that they need to sit there and judge as if they were God Himself? I never brought up her drinking problem, although it ...

Have you ever been taken down by negative words that took away all of your hope, faith and possibly, your self-esteem? Has anyone ever said to you, “You can’t do it” or “You can’t afford that”, and wondered what motive or intention they had behind those negative words that only left a bitter taste in your mouth? They’re a bunch of Bitter Bettys or Negative Nellys, as I call them - the people who bitch, moan and whine about this, that and the other thing. Everything is a complaint, insult or just a jab at your lifestyle or status. Most will tell you ‘what you should do’, but rarely practice any of their own preaching. I have officially decided that from here on out, I am avoiding all of these Bitter Bettys & Negative Nellys, and focusing on people who don’t wish to put their two cents into my life or what I “can’t” do, because frankly, I can do anything I want --we all can do whatever we want, afford whatever we can, and better yet, be happy the best we can. It's all up to ...

Finally, a step toward equality; an assurance that gay and lesbian couples have the same right to love one another regardless of gender. U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that California’s Proposition 8 ballot, banning same sex marriage was considered unconstitutional. This is a huge step for all gays and lesbians who want to get married. My wife and I have always called our union, “the family unit”---even though we don’t have children. Your partner, spouse, significant other is your family. How degrading it is when a hospital won’t let you see your “family unit”, calling you “just a friend”. Things can change very rapidly once your loved one is either sick, or God forbid, deceased. Who takes charge? Who makes all the decisions? The immediate family. Of course, your immediate family feels they have more of a right due to the length of history with your partner, however, for a family member to take away the right of someone’s spouse - someone’s “family unit” is despicable in my ...

There’s a quote by Marilyn Monroe that I have always loved: "...if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best” , but most people blurt it out without quoting it word for word, or at least, leaving out the beginning part, which to me is the most important part of the entire quote because its honesty speaks volumes. The full quote is, “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." I find many people, including myself, have a hard time quoting that first part, because we don’t want to be viewed as impatient, selfish and hard to handle, when in fact, if we don’t admit this to ourselves, we’ll never figure out what we’re doing wrong or at least making more room for improvement. We’ll always have people pointing it out for us, leaving us to defend ourselves, almost in a ...