Cross to Bear

This content contains religious and Christian-related material that some of another religion or sector may find offensive. I speak from my faith, and *not* to impose my religion on anyone. I always like to warn my readers before they start reading my beliefs and religious rants.

Having faith in God is a personal thing. Of course, in my beliefs, God loves all of us; regardless of flaws and imperfections. If God made us all ‘perfect’---than we wouldn’t need Him. Through our imperfections, we can experience what it means to fail and to succeed. I mean that in a positive way. We all need to hit rock bottom, before we can realize how good we truly have it.

A commenter on my previous post wrote, “Isn't the term ‘Christian lesbian’ an oxymoron???”

The assumption that gay & lesbians cannot be Christian makes me feel sad. Do people really think like this? If I love my partner of twelve years, does that mean I’m going to hell? Does that mean that I can’t love Jesus? Do I have to be some holy-rolling bible thumper in order to be Christian? Each Christian is different. Each person is different. All of us are so unique—that’s how God created us. (In my beliefs of course.)

How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, “Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?” –Isaiah 45:10

I don’t think God put me on this earth—so that I would only sin and go to hell. Each and every one of us sins. Think about it—even gossiping is a sin---talking about someone else’s life is a sin.

There is a great analogy and ‘truth’ in the Jewish law that even applies to Christians as well.

“Whoever speaks with an evil speech — lashon hara — is as if he denied G-d . . . Evil speech kills three people — the one who says it, the one who accepts it, and the one about whom it is said.” — Maimonides, Hilchos Deos 7:3

Interesting, huh? Some people wouldn’t even think that would be a sin, but it is. What about white lies? That’s just as much of a sin than being homosexual is. Little lies such as, ‘where you’ve been’, ‘saying no when you don’t really mean it’, and ‘complimenting someone when you feel another way’. All of these are considered to be a form insincerity.

What about shellfish? Do you eat shrimp cocktail once in a while? Enjoy a nice lobster dinner? In the book of Leviticus—this is considered an abomination to God—just as being homosexual is.

I find myself repeating a lot of these things in my posts, only due to questionings of my readers. That’s ‘okay’, and I welcome that. It’s interesting to see so many people inquiring about other lifestyles and ‘thought to be sins’, when they’re life is just as imperfect as mine.

“Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” ~Matthew 7:5

It’s normal to judge others. We’re human. I do it at times. It can be involuntary, because we’re so accustomed to it. We’re visual creatures with opinions and different point of views—how can we ‘not’ be judgmental? It’s hard. It’s actually fascinating to see one kind of person judging another—based on the lives they live. It’s almost as if I go out to a bar, and say, “Oh my God! Look at her hair---it’s just awful!” Meanwhile, I’m having a real bad hair day myself—and look much like a poodle gone wild.

So the question remains, “Isn’t the term ‘Christian lesbian an oxymoron???”

No... Christian: ‘one who loves Christ’. A lot of people are under the assumption that the gay & lesbian community are “all” promiscuous. I can see if someone is out there having sex with every Joan, Jen & Sally—but if two people are together out of love---I don’t feel that's wrong. Even those who do sleep with every Joan, Jen & Sally---does that make them a bad person?

I truly believe that God knows each and every one of our hearts. Of course, faith goes along with action. To me, ‘action’ means to act with love. To love and do good for others. We’re never going to be perfect. We can go to confession a million times, but we will always mess up. It’s natural. We have conflicting forces within us. One force that is of our animalistic behavior—and the other force that is of the Spirit. They both clash. God knows that we would have this problem, which is why He brought His son down to earth to die on the cross for us. He gave us the gift of life. He forgave all of our sins. Jesus paid the ‘full price’…it’s whether or not we accept the gift.

There is forgiveness of sins for all who turn to me. ~Luke 24:47

My relationship with God is personal. I don’t feel that someone needs to attend church or ‘act holy’ in order to have a personal relationship with Jesus. There are some people who sit in Church every Sunday morning like clockwork that don’t even know the meaning of ‘having a relationship with God’. They’re accustomed to the ritual of attending church, but they don’t ‘know God’.

Anytime I ever ask God for something—He always answers me. It can be a general question regarding my personal life, or it can be a request for something. I rarely ask for financial help, because I always feel guilty about doing that. I’m learning each day to rely on God for everything—and take action for the things you have to. The other day, I was staring at my credit card bills, my car notes and other miscellaneous things to be paid off—and I decided to pray upon it. I sat down, meditated and prayed to God for help with my financial situation.

When I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need. ~Psalm: 138:3

The very next day—and I am not exaggerating---I received $800.00 from unclaimed money through my insurance company. They explained that their checks that were made out to me were never cashed, and they are issuing new ones for me and needed to know my current address. The checks that were in question were from five years ago. Amazing, right? God does things in His own timing. Everything works out ‘just so’. There are times when I ask, “Why aren’t you answering my prayers God!” Then I realize—it wasn’t in His will. There are some things that we ask for, that God does not want us to have. Remember, He sees the ‘big picture’, and we only see a small scope of the situation.

Believe me, I don’t know the meaning of life, but I do know that God works in mysterious ways. He understands our trials and all of our troubles here on earth—He was once here experiencing the same things we do. He relates—He knows---and He forgives.

A lot of you may think my blog is confusing. That’s understandable. One day I’ll talk about religion, the next day I’ll talk about sex, and then I have days where I talk about my psychotic depression. Those are all human-related topics. I’m not perfect. I don’t fit the image of ‘the perfect Christian’; this I know. Maybe that's why He uses 'me' to send His message. I’m a lesbian, who loves Jesus with all her heart and soul. Jesus is first on my list of anything in my life and afterlife. I would die for Him. This is how strong my faith is. No one can tear my faith down or discourage my love for Him. It’s just way too strong. My belief is so strong---that it’s no longer a belief—it’s more of ‘knowing’. I not only believe—but I know. He’s proven to me way too many times that He’s here. He’s shown me that I’m forgiven, and that I’m accepted in His eyes.

If God accepts me—then why should I care what others think? Why should you care what others think of your life? Never let people make you feel bad. People will always disappoint you—but God will never let you down.

Everyone has a cross to bear. We can try to be more accepting and understanding—or we can judge and ridicule everyone for the way they live. It’s up to you.